How do you deal with a ***** in your armor?

I will volunteer that a lot of my eating earlier in life was a form of self-medication.  I had the all-or-nothing mentality you described.  It allowed me to either be amazingly successful, or horribly defeatist.  But when it's the nothing-phase, you stop looking inside yourself... that's the danger.

Ruggie, I think a huge part of my continued success is the "head work" that became possible when the hunger and cravings were at bay.  This is me speaking to the mirror, but I think you and I might share a few similarities with the all-or-nothing thinking, please consider that LONG term success is going to have to involve the defeat of this mentality.  I have always been wildly successful in whatever goal I set for myself, but my Achilles heel has always been the other side of all-or-nothing, the burnout and the eventual ...nothing.  I think that for me, I had to be militant with my food choices and plan during the losing phase, but it is the flexibility and mindfulness that I have been quietly cultivating in maintenance that I think will help me in years to come.  Just a thought.

I completely understand what you mean, and how it's a dual-edged sword. 

I used to look as a slip as complete failure, full of shame, embarassment and grief.  Now I tend to look at slips as learning experiences and opportunities for improvement.  I stay highly accountable to myself, but I don't beat myself up.

I think being able to forgive ourselves for making a mistake and being able to recognize it as just that-- a mistake, not a grand failure or what Elina was elluding to-- that you are a failure as a person is truly the key. Knowing that life is constantly evolving and that we must be flexible beings or we'll be left behind is important, as is really understanding the fact that life will often give us second and third and fourth chances when we happen to screw up. You're right about seeing slips as learning experiences-- if we take the time and use our consciousness to examine them, we can often deconstruct the feelings and events that led up to the slip (were we experiencing some kind of emotion, were we hungry and had not pre-planned a take-along meal or snack when out of the house, were we tempted by peers or a new exciting situation, etc.) and learn from them, then move on and try not to repeat the behavior. Albert Einstein said that insanity was doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. I think that if we're beating ourselves up over mistakes or repeating those same mistakes over and over, we're nuts. Only by recognizing that we've made a mistake, forgiving ourselves and moving on can we grow as people in our evolving lives.

 Elina, you are my hero!  

l've prided myself - no, maybe that's the wrong phrase - l've been building up my stength since surgery to not eat anything off-plan.  l made it thru Halloween without a crumb of candy.   Same with Thanksgiving.  Even my birthday.  Then l made Christmas cookies with the kids.  l had to taste one.  l'm going to go track my cals now, because the guilt has been really bothering me.  But there is one major difference for the first time in my life - I AM NOT GIVING UP!!! The old me would have dropped my plan 50 times over by now.  When the scale doesn't move, or having the cookie.  l would have just binged like a crazy person, punishing myself for being so weak.  This time, l made up for it by eating nothing but protein ever since, and tons of water.  l'm so like you - l can easily pass up food from others, but seem to have to try my own. Thank you for this post and Happy Holidays to you and your family!!

Would you do me a favor, would you read the response I just typed out right above you to Crunchy as Can Be.  It is really a response that I wrote after reading both response, hers and yours.  I think I might be on to something with this response.  What do you think?  I am contemplating posting it by itself.  I think it summarizes the main head issue we all battle. 

 Sorry it took me so long to respond - l decided to give myself a new set of nails to keep myself busy and away from the goodies in the house!  ;)

l love the way this thread has been going - l think you should post it by itself - bring as much attention to it as you can.  lf we can't get through our head issues, we'll never be able to maintain. lt's the root of all of our food problems.  Anyone who thinks differently is sadly mistaken.  These issues are what make us human.  You don't see overweight robots, do you?!!  lol.  

I love to bake and I wonder now what it will be like when i get to maintenance. Right now I bake like a fool.. enjoy the smells and don't touch a thing... and am happy through others having it. I find myself wondering though, will I keep to the same in maintenance... .. I think I may have to try sugar free  baking and fit it into my plan perhaps then. I did do a sugarfree banana marble cake for my birthday last year and had a controlled piece and never went over my cals that day...I am hoping this is what i will be able to do. I know I made an apricot cream cheese cake for the first time for my families dinner... and my the thoughts of having just a crumb was strong and i sat there wondering what will i do come the time when not in weightloss.

You will find out if this is an issue for you to put boundaries around or if you are just fine without the limits.  Maintenance is very personal and must be adjusted for every person individually.  The main point is to stay mindful and to look for problem areas when they develop with an eye for how to fix them and not "eat the problem" so to speak.  As long as you are vigilant with YOUR program, you should do just fine in maintenance.  I have found that there are just a few absolutes for me in maintenance: 1) don't drink my calories, 2) don't graze, 3) eat protein first at every meal, 4) weigh myself everyday and eat accordingly, 5) stay mindful of what I am eating or doing around food.  Other than this, I eat more or less like a normal person, only a lot less.

you just cemented everything that i have been thinking on.... I have found weighing myself everyday and watching how my body reacts to food & exercise is very valuable... and I know it will continue through maintenance.... I have to....to stay accountable to myself...there is no way I am going backwards.  Do you find in maintenance you have a 10 pound range you fit yourself into to allow for gain and loss?