"You've really changed" - Well, F*&K off....a rant of sorts

I have seen others post about this..and this is something that happened to me. Do NOT say to me "You've changed". Its rude. And here's why..

So..since my plastics I have had a difficult time in my personal life..namely my best friend has dropped me like a hot, carb-laden potato..I've tried to be understanding with her..she started seeing someone..and it seems the only time she makes for me is over the phone if her and the new boyfriend break up..

I had my surgery November 3rd..she visited for a minute 3 days post op, and even though I was stuck in the house for another 2 weeks, I didnt see her face once.

So now her thing is to tell me "You've really changed alot since surgery" and "it's all about you"..ok maybe it is about me when I have major surgery and you are nowhere to be found.

But I HATE when I read about WLS patient's character being called into question because they lost weight. Yes, I have "changed"..Ive dropped 120 lbs, ive been more outgoing, im less of a homebody, I get hit on when we all go out together. Yes, there are changes there.

But dammit, Kristen is still Kristen. My character is unchanged. I am still a loyal friend. I am still the crazy person who jumps out of the car in the hood to rescue a wandering dog. Im still here. Its me. Just because I am thinner, doesnt mean Ive 'changed'.

And she's not the only one who has said it. Is it so wrong that maybe Im not as much of a doormat? that i have a little more self esteem. I just hate when I hear people say this in an accusatory manner.

Change is ok!!!! Why are people so resentful of it? When a friend or family member changes their life for the better you should be happy for them.

I guess this is stinging more because not only has my extended family (aunts, cousins) been sh*tty to me about my weight loss and getting into vet school (yes, they find mean things to say often), but now its my best friend too.

Sometimes folks is ******** girlie, comes with skin.  But you knew that.  Sorry your friend is being a flake. 

thanks Brandi! its the truth.

Sometimes when we change for the better, those around us have a hard time adjusting.  They're used to us being a certain way pre surgery (introverted, wall flower, not getting attention) and in a relatively short timespan it changes.  So, yea, you have changed.  But what does your self confidence have to do with your friendship?  Slef confidence is a good thing.  something I think we all want our friends to have.  We want good things for the ones we love, or we should.  Some people in our lives take our successes as their failures.  that's their problem, not yours.  Just keep being the new improved you!  She'll come to her senses eventually.

 sounds like they are projecting their own insecurities.  Maybe when your best friend is saying "you've changed" what she's NOT saying is "you've changed and I don't like the new attention you're getting because it makes me feel insecure".  I truly believe that sometimes people are mean to those that have improved themselves (whether it be via weight loss, plastic surgery, whatever) because it makes them examine their own shortcomings.  I can't tell you what to do about your friends and extended family, but there seem to be so many amazing things happening for you right now and in the near future, so if they don't want to be on the journey with you, it's 100% their loss.  You've done great and you are an inspiration to a lot of people on this board, so please keep that in mind when the negative comments get you down.  

Sarah

this is exactly what came to mind..that she was projecting her own fears..

sigh

So here's what I think:

Sometimes, and I'm talking about me here since I don't really know you, in our fat days there might have been a tendency to see ourselves as not appealing - not just physically, but as people. So we were more tolerant of being treated not the best because we thought we deserved it.

As we lose the fat, maybe we are less willing to be doormats, less willing to just sit and wait until others have time for us.

I also had one friend that I realized, after losing so much weight, is insecure and wants to hang around with folks who are less attractive, less out-going, etc. She needs to be the pretty, charming, witty one all the time. And so my losing weight makes me less a person she wants to be hanging with, because she can't look at me and feel better about herself. Make sense?

So we do change, but in healthy self-respecting ways. I think that can be threatening to those who had us pigeon-holed and were comfortable with us the way we were.

{{hugs}}

I think you are totally right Mom4Jazz....!!

that makes alot of sense and i can identify with it..i hate having this disappointment in people i care about.

the messed up part too is that even though she doesnt make time for me on the weekends, and only makes last minute plans with me now, i end up staying in hoping she will..or ill go out and feel like im almost 'cheating' for being out with other friends..i dont think she likes when i go out with other people but i cant just stay in and wait for her. its a messed up situation,

 I am sorry you are going through that! The truth is, they are probably jealous. I really don't think I have to worry about my best friend because she only weighs about 110 pounds! Hahaha, but I do think I need to worry about my in laws! None of them are obese but none are supper skinny either! I am afraid they will say ugly things to me as well! Just hold your head high and know that you are much healthier and happier now!