Now I want to talk about Jo's post - skewed expectations.

Here's the other thing I wanted to say but forgot.  I don't want to convince you to get surgery.  I want everyone to have a realistic understanding of the process - physical and mental - and then decide for themselves.  It's an amazing thing!  Several people said things that completely convinced me that it would work for me.  But I had to get really resolved in my own mind that it was what I wanted to do.  Because it is an irreversible decision that comes with risks.

Most healthy, normal-weight people do not consistently overeat, and all of us are supposed to exercise to be healthy.  I think my metabolism has slowed because of all my years of obesity and weight struggle.  Before surgery, I could not follow a food plan that would allow me to maintain a more normal weight without getting very, very hungry.  Now it feels very possible.  I would like to have a shot at eating like a normal person (meaning, not eating so much without a constant struggle against hunger) and to be able to exercise to properly care for my body.  I think WLS gives us the opportunity to do this successfully, and for me it felt like the only way it was going to happen.

I think WLS is an amazing thing, and can make it possible for so many of us to finally be healthier and a more normal size.  But it didn't *replace* all the normal strategies for losing weight and being healthy, it just made them more possible.

I cant tell how tall you are, only that youare 202#s

I am 5'4 and about 206. I started at 288 in Feb. If i were 206 and considering surgery, my view would be different that it was 10 months ago. I also have a knee in need of replacement, so my weight severley limited my mobility.

I have more control over my eating since surgery. I still have to watch what i eat. Oddly enough i dont like the attention that I get about my body, even though its positive. I like the changes that I am seeing, just dont like always having to hold "press conferences" on my weight loss (nosey people at work)

Fay

There is no REAL expectation because everyone is individual.  Sure you can look at the most successful sleevers on here and say you found your Gold but they are the most successful.  How hard will it be to lower you expectations if things don't go as well as you'd hoped or more importantly as quickly as you'd hoped.  there has to be room for some bumping along the way.  Most people get off their BP medication or the diabetes train but mos is not all.  The pots of gold at the end of the rainbows is all about the expectation and expectation is fine it's human but you must leave some room to adapt if your particular experience is different.  I for instance am losing weight at a much slower pace than i ever have in my life despite all the crazy diets I've been on.  Is this surgery a failure.  Well let's see. I have restriction. I'm eating less than i ever have in my life.  I have more energy and feel healthier.  Am i happy with this outcome no but the chances of eating like this and not losing weight forever are rather slim.  The chances of gaining weight seem negligible which is the worst thing i dealt with before surgery.  so I have to learn patience and to hold on to my sanity.  What is unrealistic for you is not unrealistic for the person sitting next to you and that you have to accept.  The idea that it's one size fits all is the problem.  Every day there are posts of what did you lose the 1st month? the 2nd? etc.  We all are lead to compare because we have no other method of measurement as to if we're succeeding.  this is human but trying to find the definitive answer is someone elses success is the definition of an unrealistic expectation.

I haven't really seen this addressed in this thread:

I expected that it would be harder and that I would suffer more.

In and of itself, this is a good thing -- that I'm suffering less and having an easy time of losing weight.  But there is some weird underlying guilt there.  When people ask me about my process, I think they want gritty, miserable details of how terrible it is to eat so little, or how horrible I must feel, and I really don't know what to say. 

It seems kind of lame to shrug and say, "yep, I'm skinnier every day and don't have to put forth much effort in the eating department."  I feel guilty when people ask me how I'm losing so much weight, as if I have discovered the holy grail, and then when I tell them that I had WLS they look at me with disappointment in their eyes because they can't get in on what I've got going on in order to lose weight themselves.   

I realize that I do have a few issues with guilt and "deserving" good things.  I also realize that I am working hard at this -- I exercise a ton, I consistently make the right food choices, I've put in a lot of hard work in counseling, I jumped through all the pre-op and post-op hoops to get to this point. 

My life has changed drastically for the better through this process -- I'm happier, more outgoing, feel better about my looks, feel physically stronger and have better endurance, and am generally more positive and purposeful.  A lot of these things are the result of counseling and changing my mindset, although the actual weight loss helps, too. 

The bottom line is you have to love yourself the way you are first -- if you don't love yourself where you're at, being skinnier isn't going to be the magic catalyst that flips the switch.  Our expectations are often the result of our habitual old mindset that got us fat in the first place, so examining them and discussing them is a helpful thing to do throughout this process.

You are so right!  It was far easier than I expected (in terms of pain and recovery) and I am amazed at how completely normal I feel physically!  Except that I can't eat so much, I don't "feel" like anything has changed inside my body. 

I also feel weird about losing the weight, in a very similar way.  This really *is* the easiest time I have had following a food plan.  I am not anything more than normally hungry and I am so grateful for this.  I don't tell many people I'm not close to about the surgery, but I have sworn I would if they were overweight, because it is an important message to get out.

But I really worry how success I would have been without all the years I spent working on my compulsive overeating.  What if I hadn't already given the sugar up?  I think I would have done okay for quite a while, but eventually that "thing" inside me would snap and I would be back in the sugar.  I could eat 3000 calories in candy bars if I put my mind to it, and I bet I still could.  It might just take me longer. 

Since I have this whole framework and support system for dealing with my food addiction, I feel much more confident that I will be successful.  But surgery alone would not have been enough to overcome what I can do to myself with food if I'm practicing my disease.  I'm perfectly willing to accept that every obese person coming to WLS is not a compulsive overeater or food addict, but I know I am *not* the only one who is. 

I definitely agree with so much of your post - and losing weight has been great for my self-esteem.  I *love* being smaller.  And I love having a place to come to talk about these things!!

I agree that the work that I put in over the last 3 years is just as much a reason for my success as the surgery is.

I know that my results would be different if I were still in a verbally/emotionally abusive relationship and a toxic job, or if I hadn't dealt with the feelings and emotions from my dysfunctional childhood and family of origin. 

Counseling helped me to get to a place where I don't NEED constant soothing -- provided by food or otherwise -- because my life is comfortable and peaceful.  I don't need to numb myself with substances or unhealthy activities anymore.

I agree that MOST people don't become morbidly obese because they "like" eating, there are usually underlying issues that need to be addressed before WLS will be most effective. 

Now, for me, my sleeve is exactly what I needed to correct a lifetime of volume eating and a lack of satiety.  For the first time in my life, I feel like I approach food and eating like a normal person, and I don't think I could have done that without having surgery.  I do give my sleeve credit for my weightloss, but I'd say it's a 50/50, head/stomach proposition. 

what WLS didnt do for me:
    i am only 2 months out so i havent had any of the hunger come back and i have no desire to snack or anything so thats good, BUT i know its coming so right now im practicing making good choices,.


what it did do for me:
     it gave me training wheels for a longer (much longer) healthy life, it taught me what my food is SUPPOSED to look like, how much food is supposed to be on my plate, what food is supposed to be on my plate while making it easier to say no to the stuff i used to eat.

i LOVE LOVE LOVE carnivals but have always felt like i would be looked at weird when in line as if the ride operator is gonna think ok we got a big person better put her on the other side. and last night (im ALMOST at the 50lb loss mark, but this is the smallest ive been in a dozen years) and i went on every single ride without a single thought of i may not fit or anything, in fact cause im so short a few of the rides the operator had to literally LIFT me up to put me on (due to a weird restraint in the middle of the ride that keeps you from faling out) and you know what? he didnt grunt or seem like i was gonna break his back, i was FREE from all the baggage that kept me from having fun at the carnival before, THAT is pricelss to me, because i want to go sky diving, i wnat to ride horses again,

the fact is, until you lose the weight you dont realize all the things you were missing out on. ,

I AM a researcher and was NOT about to let someone cut into me without knowing EVERYTHING about WLS...I was already pretty versed on ME.

The surgery has done EVERYTHING I wanted it to do.

Ms Shell

Ms Shell, you are one of those people that taught me a lot and made me feel I could do this!  Thank you for being here!

And look at you DOING it!!!  It's my pleasure to tick around..