Sometimes..I feel like a PHONY...

Im pretty much at goal and in maintenence..I am thrilled with my VSG, thrilled with my weight loss, the mobility it has afforded me, everything, I really love the way I look in clothes, naked, eh but am having plastics in November to fix some things..

 I was wondering if anyone else feels this way..When I go out I feel like a giant phony. People come and talk to me..men, women, people want to be around me now that Im thin, vivacious....And I feel like a fat girl wrapped in skinny paper. Like I still dont belong because underneath my clothes theres stretched skin, strech marks, cellulite. Like these people want to be around me because they think im perfect (thats an exaggeration but you get what im saying) and underneath I have this giant secret that I was morbidly obese..

I know it will take a while for my brain to catch up with my body but does anyone else ever feel like this?

If someone else had posted this I would tell them to seek therapy. I have been seeing a therapist and figure we will touch on this issue soon..I just wanted to know if my brain will ever catch up to the changes and stop being so hard on myself.

sass-ems

I hope it will - it may take time. Remember, if you maintain as well as I believe you will, this will eventually become your new normal. You're young, so you haven't been obese forever.

I've been obese 49 years - literally my entire life. There are pictures of me toddler, child, teen and adult and I'm morbidly obese in every one. I've only dipped down to plain old obese a couple times then gained right back. I'm 14 lbs from overweight and have no idea what that will be like. Normal? As well as I'm doing it still seems inconceivable to me that I could make it.

All of which is to say that it messes with all our heads, but I think someone as young as you can heal. Therapy real is a good idea for many of us, for a variety of reasons. For me, it started out being mostly about coping without using food as reward and comforter and solace. Now it's about dealing with the new realities that are emerging.

You will get there. Be kind and gentle with yourself. You're not a fake - you made this happen!

I am nowhere near goal but I SO look forward to being thin, vivacious and healthy.  For most of my adult life I have yo-yo'd and can say that I dated much more and was more active when I was thin.  I think my social activities were limited because the fat me is socially uncomfortable and isolated.  Your new physique is a prize for the dedication and efforts you put forth and earned.  Don't let the former heavier you anchor the new thin you.  Enjoy the life you have ahead of you and be happy.   Looking at your pics, it appears you were active and social.  You were a beautiful person before and equally beautiful now.

All my best...Stephanie

I havent had the surgery yet but I can tell you a bit about what happened to me and maybe it can help. I have been overweight my whole life. My biggest weight loss was 133lbs. I was down to "normal" sizes and such.  I did really well for a while. I felt good and the positive reinforcement from others helped but I found that I felt like I wasn't good enough to be getting all this attention. Because I had strech marks and my boobs sagged and such... I wasn't perfect.  Then I started slipping into old habits. Not as bad as previously but portions were higher and I relaxed on the workout times.  Little by little, over the last 4 years 85 lbs came back. These feelings are related to feeling worthy of good positive social interactions with people that look "better" than we feel like we do. Over the last year, I have read alot of positive books and started counseling. I feel like I am getting a handle on improving my self esteem and I am beginning to see that I am worth it... we deserve to be happy and have good relationships. We deserve to feel attractive and loved.  Dont let your negative feelings get you down. Work with your therapist and read and learn what's making you feel this way. It takes a little time but its an important because these feelings seep into everything in our lives. Good feelings lead to more positive things and Bad feelings lead to negative things. I hope this helps.
I wish you good things...

Almost 3 years out I feel this way.  Like I will think back to a party or event even a month or two ago, where I know I dressed great, looked great, got compliments...but I remember it like I was the biggest one in the room, fat, no one really bought it, everyone knew.

I hate it.  I wi**** would go away.  But...maybe in time, who knows. 

Hey Missy...it's just so good to see your face I had to say hi!!

Ms Shell

When I lost weight in my late 20s, I felt like I definitely had a big secret.  So much like what you said!  In my early 30s, my mom tried to tell me not to worry about what my body looked like, that I looked like most 30-yr-old women.  I told her no, I didn't, and I probably had a lot more experience to speak to that than she did.  I never considered plastics, and I was reluctant to reveal my very different body.

Honestly, I think one of the things that being fat did for me at that age was to weed out true interest from surface attraction.  People liked me for me, not for what I looked like.  I felt like it was weird when I couldn't be sure of that anymore. 

When I gained weight back and got older, I feel differently.  I don't expect to garner a lot of attention as a 52-yr-old mother of 2, and I really *do* look like a lot of 50-yr-olds now. 

Honestly I have learned that people are necessarily JUST attracted to your wrapper but what's inside.  While more people come up to me because of what I look like MORE people stay around me because of who I have ALWAYS been regardless of my weight.  I AM vivacious.  I AM personable.  I have ALWAYS made it a point to look good, smell good, smile and engage people in conversation.  And I have found that's what people gravitate it.

Be the person you are and realize you DESERVE all the attention you are getting.  Live your LIFE to the fullest!!

Ms Shell

***HUGSSSS*** Ms Shell .. Loved this reply & Sassy, I agree with this totally!!

 It's funny that you posted this now, I was just having this conversation with my mom. Since losing the weight I have been getting some attention from men, and while I am happily married it is a bit flattering. BUT the truth is I was more confident in my body at 300 lbs then I am now at 197, when I was that big you KNEW I was big, if you wanted me that big you knew what you where getting when I took my clothes off, but now it's like I am hiding something from the world b/c they don't know what is really under the cute tops and new jeans (and the constricting undergarments). It's a bit disconcerting really. 

I like the way you described it, a fat girl wrapped in skinny paper.