Dating after Weight Loss Surgery..Do you know your worth? Girls only!

This VSG is a real trip for so many reasons..but the smaller my jeans size gets the more interesting and off the wall things I notice. I am not going to lie, its great to turn heads and stop traffic in the man department again..But some of this is so strange to me..

I know alot of us, including myself, have made poor choices in men in the past. Some of it I feel may be weight related. Maybe we dont think we are worth it, maybe we didnt think we were pretty enough, or we deserved a good relationship. Just becuase we were/are overweight does not mean we are not entitled to a healthy, loving relationship..but I digress.. I do have to say I am way less prone to put up with bullsh*t with men these days..

I just gotta say the most important thing for me with dating post VSG is knowing my WORTH.
I have self worth and it doesnt hinge on my weightloss, but rather knowing who I am, how far I have come, and how far I will go..

Lessons to the men: 

First of, no, you cannot buy me. Your wallet doesnt impress me. You cannot afford me! The money card doesnt work on me. Not even Donald Trump has enough money to pull me, I am not a prostitute. Yes, I have joked about getting a sugar daddy, but dammit I will not sell my soul for $$.  I'll make my own $$ and be done with it.

Second, why do you think I should be beholden to you just because you tell me I'm beautiful. Guess what guys, I know it already. I don't need to hear it from you, and no you wont be rewarded for saying it. Just because you say it does not make it true. I know it, and that's what makes it true.

I cannot believe the crazy shenanigans I see these days, no you cant con/stalk/sweet talk me into dating you, no I dont want to hear about all the other girls you date, no I dont want to stay at home and have your children and be barefoot in the kitchen...Aint happening. Sorry. I wiill date, if I feel its right, on my own terms. No one elses.

Just a bit of an eyeopener, thought I would share with the other single girls on the interesting things that are to come..

A BIG and resounding AMEN sister! I certainly hope to be at your place in the far future, what excellent advice for those getting ready to enter that world again.

I am not turning heads yet, but I know I will, and I am really not prepared for that.  Having a traumatic divorce and severe depression afterwards has really made me scared to even consider another relationship.  I am enjoying getting to know me again right now.  Relationships take a great deal of hard work and if the proper and compatible mate is found it is definitely worth it.  I know me though, and I was always putting others before myself.  I am fixing that now.  I had this surgery for me, which is why I have told no one of it.  It is my journey of self-dicovery and I am learning so much about who I am.

I am bookmarking your post because I am sure I will need to re-hear these words at some time down the road.  Best wishes on your future dating experiences!

Ann

Thanks for the reply..I agree that many if not most of us put others before ourselves..I know I always put myself last in the relationship and I wont do that anymore. My needs come first to me and if that makes me selfish, eh, tough.  This VSG is a huge step and it shows me how strong each and every one of us is and what we can accomplish when we put our minds to it..

I am not saying there arent any genuine men out there, but you sure as hell have to wade through alot of frogs to find em!

I agree 100%. I can't tell you how many times i've been out on a date and thought to myself "ehh, i really think i can do better than this guy" which is something that I NEVER would have thought before because it's like I would have been grateful just for a guy paying attention to me. My self worth has sky rocketed since having this surgery, which aside from the health benefits, is probably the greatest thing I could have gotten out of this whole experience.

So I don't know if it's just me, but I love it when a guy tells me that I'm beautiful. It sort of makes me feel like I hold the power. Is that evil?

You do have the power girlfriend!
 
Claim it and make your dreams come true!

All I kept hearing in my head was, "Can I get an AMEN?!"

You are FABULOUS, and I hope you find Mr Fabulous, so you do not have to change your name!!!
Brenda : )~

I'm recently separated and on the dating scene again.. wow it's crazy! I also don't get impressed with money and flattery.  I like intelligence and kindness and consideration.  A good sense of humor is always nice. :)

I am putting myself out there and already had a bit of a hurting but I just get right back on the horse.  Without taking risks there can be no reward.  I'm pretty much looking at any body I date right now as practice.. if something comes out of it great.. if not, I'm just going to have fun.

I think the surest way to be disappointed is to have expectations.  I go into things having no expectations.. it's an adventure and what ever happens happens. I think it helps that I have already been married and had a child and have a great career.

I don't need a man for his money, marriage, to have children with or really for anything.  So I can just have fun and not focus so hard on finding any one specific thing.  I did settle to a degree in my relationship because I wanted to have a child at the time and was worried that I wouldn't have enough time to keep looking.

I never really settled because of my weight, but I always felt I had less options.  Realistically the larger I was, the less men were attracted to me.  I had a hard time accepting that, because I did value myself, but it's just the way that it is.  So I look forward to having a wider variety of options and just having fun.. no pressure and no drama. 

This post makes me wanna be single…. Just saying….
Someone appreciate me and call me beautiful damnit!!!! Im not just here to hand you beer and wash your clothes for ***** sake!

Hey Sassy, thanks for the lessons.  Fortunately I'm always broke so along with always being the pretty one in the relationship, it looks like I'm all set! 

I can so relate to the "settling" part. I know I did for years. I stayed in a verbally abusive marriage for 16 long painful years because I didnt think I could do better. I lost about 85 lbs and gained some confidence so I divorced him.

Started dating someone about 2 months after the divorce, started gaining weight and went back to my old "cant do better" attitude so I "held onto" him for 3 years before realizing again it was a dead end street.

Lost 60 lbs, found someone new, started gaining weight....Well you get the picture. This has been my life for the past 14 years. Losing weight, getting into a relationship then regaining the weight.

I havent dated in nearly 4 years. I have been working on ME for the first time ever. However that being said I am now TERRIFIED to jump back into the dating sceen again. I am 46 years old and know I'm not getting any younger but I just dont have the confidence in myself when it comes to dating. I'm TERRIFIED of the old habits and gaining weight. I know I'm in a better place mentally but then again am I really?? I'm messing with my own head. 

I have been asked out several times and I have declined all offers. I really do want to find that "special someone" but I'm just not there yet to even start trying. I've had several comments, including a "you look so good I could slurp you up" (not a compliment-seriously? gag!!) that are def compliments and really do boost my self esteem but I'm just not there. Hopefully one of these days!!

Sorry for my long response!! Hang in there and enjoy your single life. You have def figured out your worth so dont EVER "settle" again. Have fun while on the path of finding that "someone".

Good Luck!
Debby