It's so hard to watch my mother kill herself..

SassyItalian
on 7/18/11 11:29 pm - Basseterre, St. Kitts and Nevis
My mother is a mess and there is nothing I can do about it. In the last 10 years she has become morbidly obese. She has hurt her back, knees, feet, she has broken bones, needed surgery..all pretty much because she is overweight. It is killing her and I am watching her die a slow death. She has sleep apnea and refuses to use her machine (hearing her sleep is PAINFUL!), she is always exhausted and constantly napping, she is constantly in pain, she has high blood pressure, high cholesterol. She takes ambien to sleep and is addicted and then night eats- mindlessly shoveling it in at night. She will get nasty with me if I try and stop her and wont remember the next day.

I live with her and my stepdad and it is so hard to see..Every time I try and talk to her about it she says "when X happens then I'll lose weight".. For as long as I can remember she has had terrible eating habits which have caught up with her..

Its so hard to watch knowing there is a solution and that she refuses to go after the solution.

I plead with her to get help, so she can see me graduate as a veterinarian, so she can meet her grandchildren in the future..but unfortunately she just blows me off completely..

I feel so helpless..

Just had to get that off my chest.

           
                       HW: 258lbs  SW: 240   CW: 140  I am 5 foot 7 and 30 years old               
                 VSG 12/21/10  Plastics: Tummy tuck, breast lift, and augmentation 11/3/11
                                             Soon to be veterinarian!! xoxo
                                                     

Cristina S.
on 7/18/11 11:34 pm - New Britain, CT
I am so sorry to hear that. Has your stepdad tried to talk to her also? I understand where you are coming from with the CPAP, my dad also has very bad sleep apnea and doesn't use one.

It sounds like she suffers from sleep eating. She might not believe you until you record it happening.
       
frisco
on 7/18/11 11:55 pm
 
Hey Sassy.... tough situation.....

It's tough to watch someone degrade from obesity..........

Maybe a family intervention is in order.

What's gonna happen is gonna happen......you just gotta lay it all on the table....if she comes around...that's great.... if she doesn't go for it...ya can't do nothing more about it.... but you will at least have a clear conscious that you tried and will have no regrets.

One of my best Friends was the one that called me out on my weight.....All though I resisted and was pissed at first..... I am very grateful to him now... he just may have saved my life !!!

frisco


SW 338lbs. GW 175lbs. Goal in 11 months. CW 148lbs. WL 190lbs.

          " To eat is a necessity, but to eat intelligently is an art "

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jimbovsg
on 7/19/11 12:08 am
I feel for you Kristen.......the situation with my Bro is the same way :(  He is SMO.....and in very poor health! it is sad....and frustrating.....you feel helpless. My family and I talk about it often....not sure if an intervention type of thing will work....in my situation...he is very defensive...and in denial.   One needs to come to this decision on their own....hit "rock bottom"  for many of us....maybe they have not hit their "rock bottom" yet!  It really sucks....and I'm hoping my example will inspire him into action....so far it has not.  i hope your mom....decides to improve her health ....soon!  Good luck!

JIMBO...  350lbs! lost!.....  TRIPLE CENTURY CLUB!!  HELL ...YEAH!  
MY  VSG......KICKS ASS!                                                                                                                                                                                      

 I  am   6' 2"    

Mom4Jazz
on 7/19/11 12:31 am

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. So many others seem to face the same thing, since obesity runs in families. It's hard to accept that in the end it's her choice, but truly it is.

You and stepdad can try the blunt, painful truth but only she can make a decision to do something about it.

I know it hurts. My sister just cannot see how saving her life is worth giving up what she wants to eat. Part of it is major depression that she won't treat out of pride (she's stronger than that, she thinks)

Highest weight: 335 lbs, BMI 50.9
Pre-op weight: 319 lbs, BMI 48.5
Current range: 140-144, BMI 21.3 - 22

175+ lbs lost, maintaining since February 2012

I've come to think that obesity is always secondary to something.  Depression and trauma, and those two always go together.  I know people say obestiy is a disease and I agree with that, however it's also a symptom.

As I was prepping for my surgery, my beautiful daughter started to gain weight.  As I've lost over these months, she has gained.  Like your mother, she is very resistant and while we have always had a good relationship, she is very tetchy about the way I eat and the way I "watch" her eat.  She's right.  At least my dd is in therapy and goes faithfully every week.  Would your mom consider that "for her depression?" 

I so wish I had the magic that could help your mom, help my daughter.  What I will say, though, is that NO ONE ever really shook me up re: my weight.  I wish my husband or family had.  They were just too "polite" and they also knew that I thought weight was a political/social/feminist issue.  That was probably pretty intimidating but still, I wish someone had said "Is it a cause you want to DIE for?"  

 Lucy van Pelt 
 Highest 255 Surgery 248 Current 170
Goal: 150
 

            
Crunchy As Can Be
on 7/19/11 12:38 am - NY
I'm so sorry you're going through that, Sassy. I agree with Jimbo-- she's likely not yet hit rock bottom and won't even necessarily know she *needs* to change until that happens. Unless she knows it but just feels so down on herself or thinks that nothing could ever help her.

I think Frisco's idea of an intervention is a good one-- you'll never know if you don't try.

In my case, I was the one who needed the intervention... though had them somewhat regularly from my family and doctors. I was in total denial and hadn't hit bottom until I was diagnosed with diabetes just before my 30th birthday. It was me who kind of knew all along that I had to do something to help myself, but was just in such total denial about how bad it'd gotten.

I hope that somehow you or the rest of your family can get through to her-- to let her know that she is important to you and that your life will be worse off without her in it. And that there *is* a way for her to get help.

Good luck.
 ~~Emily~~
       
Spiritus
on 7/19/11 12:40 am - Hawthorne, CA
So sorry to read about your mother's situation.  What everybody said is true.....honest direct intervention is best, if not for you but for you and the rest of your family. What might be a a little push is ....video and audio taping the daily goings on...her sleeping, her sneaking night raids, if she complains about pain, her hobbling around, etc......sometimes we need to actually see in almost 3rd person...the damage we are doing to ourselves to actually admit that we have a problem.....

                                                                                                                                                                     
           

cattywompos
on 7/19/11 12:52 am
Hi Sass...so sorry that you have to witness that and feel helpless.  Food is a drug...we all know that now and it is your mother's drug of choice.  Maybe if you explain it to her in that way, she may see it not so much of an attack on her eating habits but rather she needs help.
 HW-304 / SW- 286 / CW-198.25 / GW-170
    
DragonGirl
on 7/19/11 12:53 am - MN
Hugs Sassy!!

I have the same worries about my Sister. She's quite heavy and has checked into surgery but won't move forward. I am hoping she eventually will.

My best friend was like a brother to me, and I loved him very much! He just died on the 1st of July and my heart is still heavy. He died of all the things most of us had in common. He was extremely overweight, he had high cholesterol, high BP, and severe sleep apnea. He was 46 years old.

Frisco is right. Have the intervention and try to make her see the light. If she chooses not to, then you know you did everything you could.

Take care of you Sweety!
Heidi
  Age 49 Height 5'5" HW/280 SW/250 CW/157  
Behind every success is effort...Behind every effort is passion...Behind every passion is someone with the courage to try.
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