I am NOT deprived

Some folks on here may know that I am pretty hard care with my food choices. I have not eaten a single bite of anything that wasn't low carb since January 2010.  I know some may find my mindset annoying, strange or consider me a freak.  Some people may think I must have will power of steel (I don't).

I do this because a long time ago I took a good look at what I was getting from eating "party" foods, and a good look at what I was getting from that bargain.  Essentially I did a cost/benefit analysis.  I looked at the pleasure I got from foods, how long that lasted and how much enjoyment I got from the foods, and compared it side by side with the consequences of eating those foods.

I wrote this all down on a piece of paper, with my favorite foods on one side, and all of the things I hated about being fat on the other side. I read my list and I saw how things lined up for me.  One one side of the paper was ice cream.  On the other side was being able to play with my son.  Talk about clarity of priorities in life!

I even closed my eyes and imagined the things I wrote down on my cost/benefit analysis. I thought about eating my favorite foods like fresh baked chocolate chip cookies, sourdough bread and baklava. I imagined the 5-10 minutes it would take me to eat those foods (I eat fast!) and the pleasurable experience that would be.

Then I imagined all the consequences for those few minutes of pleasure.  Walking in pain. The aches in my body.  Not being able to be comfortable sleeping.  Never having nice clothes. Having to send my son to Disneyland and not being able to go with him.  Feeling ashamed of my size. Avoiding going out. Missing out on so many things in life.

In that moment everything for me became crystal clear and my attitude towards food was forever changed.  I realized how the food that gave me such a short time of pleasure really robbed everything else from my life.  I could never trust myself to have just a little bit.. one bite was too many and a thousand bites were never enough.

But since that moment when my mind set changed, I have NEVER once felt deprived. I am always clear about all the things I am choosing OVER party foods.  I have never once forgotten what I am giving up if I make the choice to eat a cookie.

To me that was a TRULY deprived life. I TRULY felt deprived at 388 pounds.. now I feel liberated from food. I know some people consider that deprivation won't work for them and I understand that.. it wouldn't work for me either.  What I do works for me because I do NOT feel deprived at all.

When my mindset changed and my relationship with food changed, my value for party foods left me.  I do not feel deprived because I do not value party foods or desire them.. my life is whole and complete without them.

I had the VSG to help me with the endless hunger and volume eating issue I had.. and it has been incredibly helpful to me.  But my changed relationship with food is still a huge part of me and I absolutely love feeling freedom from party foods.

I know everyone will not understand or agree with my post.. and that's OK.  I am sharing this in the hopes that some people may be able to relate or understand my point of view and find something for themselves in what I have learned.

hugs..

Yea, me too (not deprived).  I wrote a post about it once (surprise! :} )

Post Date: 3/21/10 7:58 am
Last Edit: 3/21/10 8:01 am
We are all human and have habits to overcome - so chalk it up to being human.

I want to encourage you to think about the word "Deprive" that you used though, just a bit.

"Day after surgery I prepared myself  for the future and said I would not DEPRIVE myself from anything down the road."

Okay - here's something to think about - preop, unless we were on a diet, we did not DEPRIVE ourselves from anything.  Right?  Or did we?  By eating anything we wanted, any time we wanted we deprived ourselves of

Deprived ourselves of feeling comfortable in our skins
Deprived ourselves of the feeling of keeping our promises to ourselves of working towards good health
Deprived ourselves of all the activities we were going to do "when we got thin"
Deprived ourselves of health
Deprived ourselves possibly from enjoying other folks as much as we could, because of the way we felt about ourselves.

And many more things. 

Guilt is not a long term motivator.  I would just encourage you to look at yourself - and ask yourself WHY about some of your habits, and then be aware of yourself - because this journey kind of strips us bare, and if we have issues - they come to the surface in a huge way - and its a superb time to get to know ourselves, and be gentle and firm with ourselves about what we want in THE BIG PICTURE, long term, not just what we want this very second.

Anyway - This is a great time to learn about yourself.  This is a great place to glean information!  You are going to do just fine!  I am excited for you!

****

Deprivation is such a mindset, and we are so selective about what we claim to be "deprived" of it seems - not thinking of being deprived of health, or life, or energy to live our lives.

But, Blahblahblah Ginger.  :}  You know what I mean. 

Muwah.

You and me have lots in common Ginger.. it makes me feel great to know that you and I share so many of the same thoughts. I just love ya!

I think both of you are inspirational (as usual) but specifically with this information.  The common thread here is that you've figured out YOU and what you need and what works and what doesn't work and then finding a great mental place where it all fits together.  I'm very early out from surgery, but am working on the mental aspect and the future plan of what things will look like later.  Later meaning in 6 months or at goal or somewhere past the honeymoon.  Right now it's all about meeting requirements and that's very structured and there's severe restriction that makes it all a pretty patterned thing.  But I know later it will be about the mental work I've done and figuring it all out for what works for me.

Thanks for continuing to post things like this to show the rest of us what the future could look like and what you've learned!

Love all you on this board!

 

Thank you.. sometimes I wish I could give you a glimpse inside my head and this is as close as I can get.  That moment, that clarity, was beautiful for me.  I love to connect with others who have experienced that same freedom.

THANK YOU so much for this post/starting this thread.  You don't even know how much you just helped me.  Your words really resonate with me.

I'm so glad you find it useful.. and by the way, I love your nickname!

Thank you so so much for this message.  I belonged to OA for many years and learned a lot from that program.  The kind of binging I did before OA is a thing of past for me, and has been for some time.  However, I still make some poor choices at times and eat too much, even of healthy foods, as I struggle with hunger, both physical and emotional.  What you wrote hit me smack between the eyes and I hope I can take this, along with the tool of VSG, and make that final giant step into full recovery. 

 

I was able to mindfully choose my foods for a long time but it wasn't until the VSG that I had help with portions even of healthy foods just like you.  I can't tell you how frustrating it is to be eating chicken and broccoli all day long and not have it show on the scale (because I ate thousands of calories of it), and have people around you assume that you eat nothing but donuts.

Now with the VSG I can finally eat more normal size portions and see progress! I can't tell you how much of my volume issues were emotional and how much were physical.  I know physically my stomach was huge and I was hungry all the time.  After VSG the urge to still over eat was there, but I'm not sure how much of it was emotionally driven and how  much was habit. 

 I find now that I just have to be mindful and measure and then I'm fine. I never had a normal sense of portions so now I have to retrain my brain and my habits, by measuring and relearning what is normal. 

So what I am saying is that if you mostly are mindful about your food choices, have done work in OA, and just need help with the volume from a stretched out stomach and too much ghrelin, I think the VSG is a dream come true for you.. it has been for me and that's my story too!  Hugs..

Thanks!  I am very hopeful.