no support

I am fairly new to OH and I have never posted on the message board but, I have seen some great advice given and I am hoping someone can help me out.

I am still awaiting my consultation with the surgeon next week, the psych exam, and the nutrition class. I have had a lot of time to stress about whether I will be approved or not but, deep down, I really don't see where it would be a problem.

Other than the stress of worrying about insurance approval, I have another problem.

I work with a group of guys and girls that are like family to me. We are all very close and know so much about each other. That's why it hurt me the most when I told my one of my co-workers (her office is right next to mine) that I was most likely going to have WLS. She told me immediately that she didn't think I was big enough for it (my BMI is 50) and she would not support me if I decide to have the surgery. I asked her if she would at least read the information from the surgeon's office and she refused. She told me that her mind was made up and she did not want to hear anymore about it. When I have talked to other co-workers about it and she overhears us, she will say something to change our conversation.

At a time in my life where I am so excited about what is to come, I have to hide my enthusiaism around someone who I really considered a dear friend. What do you do in a situation like this?

Oh by the way, my mother and husband fully support me (which I am truely thankful for). I just feel bummed by my friend/co-worker's attitude about this. Help!

This may sound harsh, but in all honesty she is not a FRIEND.  She is an acquantance.  A friend would never be so blatently disrespectful.  A friend would share their thoughts and respect your wishes.  Surround yourself with positive and supportive people as you make this journey becuase they will be your backbone and strength when you need them the most!  Best of luck on your journey.

I agree with what you are saying 100% ready2Bhealthy2. The crazy thing is, we share everything with each other. That's why when she reacted the way she did, it hit me like a Mack truck. Obviously, now I am cautious about anything I share with her. I never expected this from her and hopefully she will come around one day. Until then, I just won't say anything about it again.

I had a friend who was very 'nervous' about my surgery.  I chose to not talk to her about it.  Now that I am down a lot, my friend is kinda jealous making comments about me being thinner than her.

Since you work with guys, you probably won't have jealously (maybe with the girls you will) but I think after they see how happy and healthy you are they will be supportive.  Just keep it quiet with them.

No, I don't think the guys would be jealous. There are very few girls in my unit (I work in law enforcement). One of the other girls I work with is very supportive and is interested in WLS herself.

Thanks for your help! It's nice to have others to talk to that have been in the same boat.

Sometimes in life, you just have to let people go. I know it hurts, especially since you didn't see it coming. Essentially, she betrayed your trust.

 Unless she has a major turnaround, she will not be supportive after you have the surgery.  You need to practice now not letting her stress you. Keep it movin.

Next time she announces that she won't support you, tell her that you accept that but luckily your friends and family do.

BTW, is she obese?

Lol, funny you should ask if she is obese. The answer is no. The is about 5'5" and about 140 lbs. She has never been obese in her life and told me that I needed to do like her and go on Weight W@+*****. She swears by it. Mind you, she eats candy all day long. She must have the metabolism of a hummingbird. Anyway, I told her that I have tried every other diet program except for that one and she told me that I needed to do it before considering WLS. Someone who has never been obese does not know the struggles we go through with weight loss programs. I have been on prescribed medications, exercised as much as 3 hours a night at one point, diet programs, etc. and have never got under a 40 BMI.

Thank you for your support. I am forever grateful for you all.

I know this sounds harsh, too, but my motto is "NEXT!"
Nearly half of my life is over...I don't have anymore time to waste with people or things that aren't moving me forward in a positive way.
So, my advice to you is, NEXT!
You have the support of your family!  You have an amazing gift in front of you!  Go forward and be strong!

Thank you. I appreciate your encouragement!

Definitely surround yourself with folks who support you. Who gave your "friend" the MD to pass judgment on whether you need and/or qualify for the surgery. That is between you and your doctor(s). If she persists in that attitude I'd say be prepared to let her go as a friend. If your other coworkers and family are supportive of you who needs her? As for the insurance, if you do get denied, let me know as I have a contact that can help with an appeal. Let's hope it does not come to that and you have as positive a surgery experience as I did and it goes as smooth as mine did.

Your friend

Rich