Self-Deprivation Mindset: No Pleasure in Eating

I wanted to share this article I read because it really relates a lot to how my life is, and I do have the same results.. at the end of the day I want to eat pleasurable foods and take time to relax and this is a dangerous time for me food-wise.  I had a lot of success in the past with taking the emotions out of eating, but I'm always willing to consider alternatives.  Anybody else? 

Self-Deprivation Mindset: No Pleasure in Eating

Posted by Sheryl Canter, June 30th, 2010
Categories: Eating and Self-Care, Tags: fear of pleasure, guilty eating, self-deprivation

Emotional eaters often feel enormous guilt about eating – and especially enjoyment of eating. This may seem like a small matter, but in fact guilt-free enjoyment of food is a key factor in recovery. From my book, Normal Eating® for Normal Weight:

Our modern society views enjoyment of eating in much the same way as Victorians viewed enjoyment of sex – dangerous and sinful, something to feel guilty about. It’s considered almost obscene not to be on a diet that restricts what you eat.

A few weeks ago, someone posted a message in the forum with the subject "Mindful eating feels like a punishment". Here’s an excerpt from it:

 

I found myself really irritated that I was hungry again this afternoon. It wasn’t because I didn’t want food or didn’t know what I wanted it was because I was busy and didn’t want to take the time to sit down and eat mindfully. I kept thinking about the things I needed to get done and the things I wanted to do knowing that by stopping to eat mindfully every time I’m hungry I won’t have time to do it all. … I rushed through and stopped eating when I was still slightly hungry because I wanted to be done and get on with my day.

Her post reminded me of a blog entry I wrote, “5 Reasons Emotional Eaters Shun Mindfulness“, and made me realize there was a 6th reason. It almost sounded like she didn’t want to allow herself to enjoy eating, that she wanted to approach it as a perfunctory thing to get out of the way. She’s not alone in this. I’ve seen this same sentiment expressed many times by people in early recovery from emotional eating.

Eating is one of the great pleasures of life. Getting hungry is a wonderful opportunity for a sensual, enjoyable experience. But emotional eaters often feel guilty about eating or (worse) getting pleasure from eating. They don’t allow themselves to enjoy their meals. When I posted this in the forum thread, another member posted this response:

Sheryl, I LOVE this. It really resonates for me and explains much of why I have puzzled with Mindful eating. It is not so much the drug inducing factor of it, but much more this thing about pleasure, allowing it, seeing as a good thing. I have quite a strong "depriving" streak in me, that has kept me tough and functioning for a long time, and I think that part struggles with the simple, sensuous pleasure that is eating. I will really take this away as treasure to think about.

What about you? Does this resonate? Do you allow yourself to enjoy your meals? Do you allow yourself pleasusre in general? Or do you tend to deprive yourself while taking care of everyone else?

Something to Try…

The bedrock of Normal Eating – the key learning that makes it possible – is the deep knowledge that you have the right to pleasure and happiness. When you become convinced of this, you start to act on your own behalf in all areas of life. And then you no longer need food band-aids.

Often emotional eaters are people pleasers. They want every around them to be comfortable and happy, and pay more attention to that than their own needs. Then, because their needs go unfilled, they use food to fill the Big Empty and give themselves generic comfort and pleasure. Or sometimes people just feel so badly about themselves that they won’t raise a finger to help themselves.

One of the issues that comes up frequently with my coaching clients is that every minute of the day is either spent working, or taking care of other people – no time for themselves. So by the end of the day they are tired and spent, and they eat. Often this is the first time they’ve had to themselves all day, the first opportunity to relax, the first time since they got up that they’ve done something just for themselves.

Does this sound like you? Are you all work and no play, and then at the end of the day you eat to unwind? If so, find an hour a day – well before bedtime – that is totally yours. Do you think you can’t, that you don’t have time? That means you really need to do this. Take a real lunch break. Go sit outside or take a walk. If you are caring for kids, think about who migh****ch them for an hour while you take time to be a human being.

The more you think there is no time and you can’t do this, the more you need to find a way to do this. You’re not a super-hero. If you deny your basic needs, you’ll end up eating to feel better.

Yes, yes, and yes, it is easy to get irrated that you have so much to do and no time to do it all. I thinkthat is when it is time to say what can be delegated and what is not absolutely required and start dropping those things to give yourself that time you are talking about. It is easy to get caught up in super hero syndrome where we think we need to get everythng done and be everything to everyone, it's just not possible, so just stop and decide what are the really important things that need to get done. What are the real important priorities. Having this surgery is a huge deal so take the time you need to eat and take care of yourself first, without you there is no anything or anyone to take care of. Don't feel bad or guilty either this is what all those people that take care of themselves do, it is natural and an important job.

How true.  "One day at a time." is my mantra.  I have to constantly remind myself that it is okay NOT to do everything at once.  Some things just have to wait.  I used to feel like I had to do it all, be it all, and have it all, or the world would come crashing down on all of us.  For right now, my main concern has to be getting myself in order.  If I don't, I will never be able to be of use to others.
(Since I have been getting in better shape, it has been easier for me to start reaching out and doing for others.  Especially my husband.)

I just found out that the gym I belong to (actually a chain) has a branch that has an indoor hot tub in the women's locker area. I think I found my new reward!

This article is calling my number.  Thanks for posting it.  Lots for me to think about there!

Great article and it really rings true. When I was in the business world I would come home so stressed and mentally battered that I would eat just to get some pleasure in my life and to get rid of the day's stresses. And the thing is, it works and the only problem is that I would eat more than I needed to live.  Fortunately I have left that life but even a life without a high powered career has its share of stresses and issues. Same song - just in a different key. For many obese people food became the main source of pleasure and comfort. It certainly was for me at times.

I do agree that for us formerly obese people and those of us still in the transformation, it doesn't mean we must just eat for fuel and life and take no enjoyment in it. We are meant to enjoy food and humans have for thousands of years and its only the last hundred or so in the USA when companies invented all this junk food to sell us and so many calorie intense things became so available.  So I feel like that while I must make healthy food choices for the rest of my life, that doesn't mean they can't taste good. It comes down to fresh and healthy ingredients and less processed stuff. And what I eat in a restaurant may be a very small portion such as an appetizer only but it must be something exquisitly good. I make it a firm rule to not eat what does not taste good as too often in the past I would keep eating mediocre things in search of more taste.

So yes emotions ought to be separated from eating when those emotions are loneliness, depression, fear, anxiety and all the things we medicate with food. But I think its good to find small pleasure in our food and also feel good about the healthy choices we are learning to make. At least thats my story and I'm sticking to it.   Diane