PISSED THE F*CK OFF!!!!!

So I have this friend that I've known for close to 5 years now and she's very large. Almost 500lbs. She is against WLS because she swears that it changes people and makes them more snobby. I have never been the type of person to put anyone down or make them feel less of a person because of their weight nor would I in the future. Well I've been posting on FB the same as I've been posting on here for my friends and family to keep invested in what I do. Well I wrote my top 22 reasons why I had surgery, and my number 22 was "22.) (When I do get a BF) To be able to wear his shirts as night shirts because I'm smaller than him, the way it should be in my mind!" So this is the email I get from her: 


W

Friend:
I just read your #22 reasons why you got the surgery...and I am kinda hurt. I am glad you had the surgery and you are HAPPY. I have had many friends who have gotten the surgery and say they will Never change and at the end they do. And forget that once upon they were FAT and see Fat people disgusting just like society...


9 minutes ago
Amanda Lynn Ennis
How could you say that? I'm not downing anyone nor am I changing who I am. It's something personal for me. To me I feel less of a woman when I'm bigger than the man I'm with. That a personal thing. To me it should be the other way around. I would never put anyone down. You of all people show know that Maria as I've talked to you about how I was feeling at length. I'm sorry if you took it personally, but it has nothing to do with you. And quite frankly I'm sick of hearing people say to be true to who I am. I'm the same person I was 3 weeks ago. The only difference is I'm making a change for the better for myself. I just want support, love and understanding from the people I consider friends.


4 minutes ago
 Friend:
I support You and Wish you Only the BEST. I think is great the fact you are taking control of your life and moving on...is just some of the things u say sound Fake. And I know u are a good woman and a great friend and I just hope U dont forget that once u were big and u know how it feels to be judge....


6 minutes ago
 Friend:
Mandy I am so happy You are happy but if you re read with some of the things in the list...You will understand where I am coming from. I think you are beautiful Big or small. You have a Big heart and a sweet smile. And I know u did this FOR YOU For your future and health. But some of the things in that note were mean...I am sorry speaking my mind. I am NOT trying to hurt u. i love u as aperson. And I am SO ****** HAPPY (not in a mean way) But in a way that u know what u want and chased your dreams...


about a minute ago
Amanda Lynn Ennis
You have the right to your opinion. They aren't fake. If anything I'm being more real about what I feel and who I am as a person now than I have ever been. I'm sorry you took them personally and as insults as they had nothing to do with you or anyone else but myself. Thanks for letting me know how you feel.


_____________________________________________________________________________
Here was my list: (in RANDOM ORDER)

1.) Be able to be on top during sex and not feel like I'm gonna break my partner (when I get one!)

2.) Be able to find a man of substance that will get to know me and not judge me based on my size (Although not my main reason, but it is a factor)

3.) To be able to wear a bikini.

4.) To be taken seriously as a makeup artist.

5.) To be able to travel to Italy and enjoy it.

6.) To have children.

7.) To get married and wear the mermaid style dress that I've always dreamed of and look damn good!

8.) To run the Disney half marathon.

9.) To live past 40.

10.) To be able to rock some heals. I'm to fat right now to wear stilettos and feel like I'm walking on stilts!

11.) To LIVE LIFE TO IT'S FULLEST!

12.) To not be in pain anymore due to stomach overlap with heat rashes.

13.) To walk into a room and turn heads because I'm hot not because I'm the largest there.

14.) To improve my self esteem. Meaning to love myself everyday not when I'm having a "skinny" day but everyday be a skinny day!

15.) To ride a rollercoaster.

16.) To fly and not have to buy another seat.

17.) To be able to wrap a regular towel around me after a shower, not a beach towel.

18.) To wear cute clothes!

19.) To start singing again and feel great doing it.

20.) To be able to go out into social settings and be the extrovert that I truly am!

21.) To go to my 10 year high school reunion and have no one recognize me as the fat girl from high school.

22.) (When I do get a BF) To be able to wear his shirts as night shirts because I'm smaller than him, the way it should be in my mind!




What do you think?

Girl your friend is mad because she can't do what u did and I don't even know why she can't but everything you have written isn't being mean to anyone, that I see of, I will say this, there are always going to be haters in your life, whether it is wls or something else and those type of people friend or not you have to know that is what they are in the world for and let that **** roll off your shoulders into the dirt.  seriosly if you know for a fact that you are a good person don't let anything or anyone have a bad impact on you.  Move on and move down in your weight loss adventure.  Show her that you are in it to win and nothing her negative azz has to say affect you.  I can say more negative azz **** about her but will let it go, Why cause I know better, you have already spent too much time thinking and dwelling on her negative azz.

Thanks Shantele,

Seriously!! I've been nothing but a good friend to her and her BF and the moment both of them found out that I was having WLS their whole attitudes changed toward me. I'm going to have to cute them out of my life I can feel it. Sorry I'm not the lazy person who has to have every part of my life revolve around food anymore. It's not who I am. Doesn't mean I don't love you or care about you. I just am really hurt by this because when I consider someone a close friend that means something to me. Thanks for your kind words!! xoxo 

I haven't had my surgery yet, so I can kinda see it from both sides.  If she is heavy as well, she may feel like you won't understand her anymore.  Birds of a feather flock together, and you won't be like her anymore.  She is afraid that you will judge her once you are a "skinny girl" and no one wants that.  I think what she means when she says she doesn't want you to change, isn't so much your personality, but your understanding of what it's like to be heavy.  I've seen this from people who have lost weight.  Suddenly they want to drag their friends into clothing stores the friends can't shop at due to size, suddenly they don't want to order pizza and watch movies, etc.  I'm not saying the one who loses is doing anything wrong, but its a big change for those around you.

I suggest you continue to live your life and be happy for yourself..but maybe tone down the facebook posts to maybe once a week (or even hide them from her if you want).  And then be very very patient with her.  Try do continue doing things that are still good for you and your health, that you can do together without any mention of size.  Please try to understand that this is difficult for larger friends.  Be proud of your accomplishments, but also think about how it affects others.  I almost equate it to someone that just got a really high paying job.  Now if they posted pics of their new house or their new sports car that's ok...but if everyday they were posting about how great it is to be rich, and all the things they buy, and their reasons for loving money how would you feel?  Just my opinion....

Congrats on the weight loss by the way! Great job!

Thanks Barb for your opinion. I do see that aspect of it. I don't post very often on FB, but I do tend to post maybe once or twice a week. They have just decided to take a negative approach to it since before I got the surgery. I'm always up to hearing about what they're making for this occation or that, so I would have just liked some support for what I'm going through as well. I think it's best to just separate from each other for a while.  

that may be your best option right now. And a true friend should support you.  But like I said, it's alot like suddenly being rich.  It's hard for those around you because suddenly you're not like them anymore.  We both know you are doing the best thing you can do for yourself right now.  And hopefully she will come around...but I really think this is one of those situations where it takes compromise from both sides.  She has to let go of jelousy and not take everything you say and do as an attack, and you have to make a concious effort to realize your words and actions are powerful.  It will take work, but if you both are willing to do it, it can work.

I wish you both the best :)

I don't feel like she should have to tone down or cut down anything, no....  People should understand how she is feeling and if they can't/dont' want to befriending someone is quite easy...  she should feel and be able to express how she is feeling and what her future she wants to change without people feeling affending.  Don''t change you because other people aint happy with themselves, but also think you shouldn;t throw it in people faces....

On May 22, 2011 at 8:58 PM Pacific Time, barb1751 wrote:I haven't had my surgery yet, so I can kinda see it from both sides.  If she is heavy as well, she may feel like you won't understand her anymore.  Birds of a feather flock together, and you won't be like her anymore.  She is afraid that you will judge her once you are a "skinny girl" and no one wants that.  I think what she means when she says she doesn't want you to change, isn't so much your personality, but your understanding of what it's like to be heavy.  I've seen this from people who have lost weight.  Suddenly they want to drag their friends into clothing stores the friends can't shop at due to size, suddenly they don't want to order pizza and watch movies, etc.  I'm not saying the one who loses is doing anything wrong, but its a big change for those around you.

I suggest you continue to live your life and be happy for yourself..but maybe tone down the facebook posts to maybe once a week (or even hide them from her if you want).  And then be very very patient with her.  Try do continue doing things that are still good for you and your health, that you can do together without any mention of size.  Please try to understand that this is difficult for larger friends.  Be proud of your accomplishments, but also think about how it affects others.  I almost equate it to someone that just got a really high paying job.  Now if they posted pics of their new house or their new sports car that's ok...but if everyday they were posting about how great it is to be rich, and all the things they buy, and their reasons for loving money how would you feel?  Just my opinion....

Congrats on the weight loss by the way! Great job!

 

WOW!  You said this so well, I couldn't agree more! Mandi, Please try to understand what it's like from your friend's point of view.  She is probably not at a point where she is ready to change her weight for what ever reason, and she is probably to some degree envious of the place you are in.  It is normal and human to be envious of others.. sometimes you just can't help it. 

The only thing you can do is try to be sensitive and understanding to their point of view.  Exactly what Barb said.. if you go posting all the time it's kind of like rubbing it in other people's faces and bragging about yourself.  It's all about finding a balance.  

 I personally would post your feelings about weight loss surgery HERE, and not on FB.  Here, there are others who are in the same space as you are, and will appreciate your perspective.  On FB you don't always have a common theme of where people are in life, and it is easier to offend or make people feel jealous or what ever.

My best friend also struggles with her weight and is also very poor.  I have lost a lot of weight and am much more comfortable financially (not rich but not dirt poor like she is).  When we speak I always try to be mindful of her financial situation and do not over-share about what my financial state is.

 I understand when I talk to her about money that it's something I try to be very careful about.  The same goes for weight.  I do not share with her every time I lose a pound or even tell her my weight.  I have only shared with her the big milestones, like when I hit 100 pounds and 150.

But I also share with her all of my continued struggles with finding peace with my food behaviors, so we still relate there, and we still talk about healthy recipes and how to improve our relationship with food and feed our family healthy for less money and great recipes and such.  So it is possible to talk about this stuff but be moderate and sensitive about these topics so as to consider the other person's feelings. 

I'm sure it's not your intention to rub anything in anyone's face, it just can feel like that.  I think being a good friend takes two.. your friend needs to try and contain her envy and you could try to be more understanding and sensitive to her feelings.  Being understanding and sensitive of others is not being fake, it is purely being considerate.

Just like we don't always tell someone every bad thing we might think about them, out of consideration, we also have to consider how the things we share about ourselves affect others. Hugs to you sweetie..

 Still tryin' to figure out the title...Hmm?  Do you mean Vlad Fock....the physicist.....i think he's dead ! ha ha!  I think no matter what....you're  gonn **** some people off......and possibly lose friends during this process!  It happens cause to them...you have changed.....and they don't like change.  They want you obese...unhealthy....unhappy...unfulfilled.....right where their comfort zone is....can you say "misery loves company?'  chh-yeah!  Unfortunately she will see it as "i old ya you would change!"   Sad....but you need to do what is best for you......not gonna get your stomach back...too late for that!  Need to decide if your friendshi******ving you BOTH...in a "good" way. Sorry.....this **** sucks ass sometimes!  BTW...I think "ass" is low carb...high protein...so that's a bonus!  cheer up girl!

ETA....Many people deal W/ the possibility of  "change"  in a relationship....with the "preemptive  strike".....mentality.....i will distance/separate  myself from you.....so if/when it happens....it will not be as painful to cope with! 
    Major life changes...going to school....marriage....having kids....etc.....can bring about seperating/distancing....behaviors.....happens all the time.....it is a "coping"  mechanism for some.  We have all had friends we lost contact with or  distanced ourselves from...for whatever reason......sometimes you will "reconnect"....sometime you  may not!  It is sad....but a "reality" of life.

Thanks Jimbo!! You always make me smile!! Love you babycakes!