Enabling friend that doesn't get food addiction

I have a new friend that knows all about my surgery plans and my weight loss so far. She is, at this moment, frosting a cake to bring down to me and my son. My son is very overweight too. At this point he weighs more than me. Though, he's 6'5".
She was just on the phone and telling me that I'm killing my son by letting him eat crappy food and not forcing him to eat properly. DUHHHH I've known that for years but didn't know how to control myself. So I told her that every therapist, doctor, teacher has told me this for years. I've told myself too. Then I say thank you for caring and that it's covered.

She kept going, and going and going. I tried to change the topic a few times then I finally sank to a low that I didn't want to go. I brought up an addiction that she had that she passed on to her son. So, we got off the phone.

I've told her so many times that I don't want her to cook for me or bring me stuff because it triggers me to eat. She's just trying to be nice, but she's buying me my biggest trigger foods!!!!! She says stuff like, "It's made with so much love" and stuff like that. She's making me CRAZZZZZZY but I don't feel like I can tell her more boldy because she's dying of pancreatic and stomach cancer. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Anyone have any ideas?

Maybe just tell her how much you appreciate her thoughtfulness but you are making changes in what you eat and though It is made with so much love you can not eat it.  If she wants to give you a plant or a bouquet of flowers with the same love attached that would be much better.

You could accept the cake then give it to someone in your neighborhood who might be able to eat it or take it to work for your co-workers to enjoy.  Tell them you can't eat that but your friend insists on bringing them anyway.

Good luck with this,  hope your friend will get the picture soon.

You say this is a NEW friend?

I'd make her an OLD one.  Fast.  You have enough to worry about.  A new friend who lectures you about the eating habits of not only yourself, but your kid, then frosts cakes to bring to you along with other food to feed your addiction isn't the makings of a healthy relationship.  The fact that you feel she's already goaded you into making an awful comment about her own addiction and how it relates to her son says she brings out the worst in you.

Does this sound healthy to you?

good point!!!! I guess the only thing that's holding me back is the dying thing. I just have to figure out a polite way.

Normally I would say accept the cake, smile, say thank you and then bring it to a neighbor or pour kitty litter over it and put it right in the trash.

But if even accepting it will trigger you then f*ck her feelings and say you cant accept it. You need to start putting your own needs and feelings first sometimes. Even though she is dying she knows the difference between right and wrong. And this is wayyy wrong.

That's pretty messed up, for her to be bringing a cake to someone going through all this.

 Sassy talian:

I love your new picture.  You are looking awesome.
 

I know it must be hard but honestly you just have to make up your mind...do you want to live? Do you want to get well? If you say yes then you MUST stop her. That is part of this battle we call life. Setting boundaries and sticking to them! It's very hard at first but it does get easier.

Polite or not....it's time to take the bull by the horns! It's YOUR life....and YOUR son's life! Take charge hon!

You are stronger than you know!

Judy

If you really can't get though to her, you can choose to eliminate her from your life ....
I'd accept it and give it away or throw it away.  She doesn't have to know either way. 
But I'm lucky and don't have any trigger foods.  I just had a portion control problem coupled with bad choices.

Wait, what? She is criticizing your food addiction and calling you a bad parent and yet she's trying to shove bad food down your throat out of "love"?  That makes no sense!

 

If you want her to stay a friend, I'd suggest being clear about how hypocritical that is and you'd rather her not bring food to you.  If she must, have her teach you to cook or to cook with you healthier food options. 

HI,
I think your friend wants to be needed, none of us wants to die alone. Wouldn't it be easier to tell your friend I would like for you to help me to learn to eat healhy, so when you cook for myself and son made something that would be healthy for us.

God Bless
Evie