When did you tell family about WLS?

I feel like I'm hogging the questions lately, but here goes 'nother one anyway! Basically, I want to know when you decided to tell your family that you're going to have gastric bypass surgery. I don't mean the good side either. I've already told my mom's side, husband's side, and friends...the ones who love me no matter what and are there for me no matter what. It's my dad's side that has me "worried". My aunts and uncles have always been supportive of me no matter what, but my cousins and I have never been close, nor have my stepmom and half-sister. They view obesity as much of the world does..."lack of self-control", "doesn't care what she looks like", and "she has such a pretty face, if only..." blah blah blah. Now, these things don't burn on my soul the way they did when I was growing up. I KNOW that I am a beautiful, caring, intelligent woman!! I want to tell my aunts about this, but I know the word will get out to the others, and quite frankly I don't want to hear any of the "oh, taking the 'easy' way out" comments. I am on a positive high and wish to stay there! I was thinking about telling my stepmom and sister about 1-2 weeks before surgery, then calling my aunts, and then just emailing my cousins with a link to a page on OH that explains Roux-en-Y. What do ya'll think?! Elizabeth Happy Momma

Elizabeth , I told my family right away . I knew there would be some aprehension . My sister about fainted .. she told me that I was going to die and that I did not need it .. she really was scared . My son .. said that I was not trying hard enough .. and that he really wished I would diet more .. Here is the thing .. I hid from them my diabetes .. and it was not until my son caught me giving myself an insulin injection that he totally freaked out .. He then understood why I had to have this surgery . Now 20 months later .. these same people are my biggest fans .. and really promote the surgery . I would tell whom ever you feel comfortable telling .. it sounds like you are well on your way .. Just remember to tell them that this is harder than any diet you will ever be on .. it is a lifestyle for life .. and there is no turning back . It is a daily accountablity check .. and this tool does just that .. it makes you accountable and it keeps everything in the broad perspective .. that is .. you gotta work it to make it work for you . Sending them the link to the site is an awesome idea . I had my sister sit down and read a lot of the post here . And view some of the awesome success stories .. needless to say she was still scared . But it opened her up to being respectful of my decision . I wish you much success as you head into your journey . This is just one of the many obsticles .. if you want to call it that .. with in this wonderful journey . Hugs, Natalie

Elizabeth~ I agree with Natalie - tell who you want, when you want. I had to get it straight in my head - my husband backed me 100%, and my parents were scared, but very supportive. Just remember that you are informing them of a decision that you have made - not asking them for permission! No matter what you decide to do, in regards to who you tell, know that this decision is for YOU, about YOU, and will benefit ALL WHO LOVE YOU~ Hugs~ Tracey

Elizabeth...Once you make up your mind, don't let anyone change it....you have made the decision and don't listen to them.....easy way out comments....what a joke...this is not an easy way out...please send them the link and maybe they will understand...Don't you worry, Sweetie, this is a wonderful opportunity for you to get healthy....this board is on your side, no matter what you decide...we have all been there....My son didn't think I dieted right and didn't want me to take the chance but now he is really supportive.....i thought my husband was supportive until I got home from the hospital and we all know what happened then...You go, girlfriend and we are all behind you....I am so excited for you! Hugs, betsy

Good Morning Elizabeth. Here is what I did, I waited til I had my decision made and my surgery scheduled to tell the family members that I thought would be "difficult". My response to the "easy way out" comments was that everyone had a right to their opinion but that I didn't feel that way and would appreciate supportive comments or nothing else. I agree with the rest that you should tell everyone when you are ready and I definitely think that having information on hand to answer questions is a great idea. Best wishes to you. Courtney 7 weeks out - 38 lbs

Hey Elizabeth! I'm having the same sort of delema. My mom and aunt (her sister) were two of the first to hear about my decision and have been very supportive. One brother, who I mentioned the surgery to before making my decision, told me that I was basically crazy and how could I put myself through that. Even after I explained the reasoning, he was still negative. For that reason, I didn't tell him or my little brother about my decision. Well, when my little brother found out (he's 22), he was so hurt that I didn't share my decision with him. Guess my point is, even if you do get a negative response from some of your family members, don't let it affect your decision to tell others. I should have known I would have gotten completely different responses from my brothers, but my little brother and I have such a good relationship, I didn't think I could handle it if he had the same reaction. BTW...Mike, my little brother, is being very supportive and is going to take care of our animals while I'm in the hospital, so my husband doesn't have to keep making the hour drive back home. Right now, I am trying to figure out what to do about my dad's side of the family. We have drifted apart as they all live in PA and NJ, but they have always been good to me. It is hard for me to tell them though since I technically have not told my dad. With him it is a don't ask, don't tell kind of thing. I know that he knows (my parents are still married) but he doesn't bring it up, and I know he wouldn't approve, so I don't bring it up. Sorry for the rambling on. At least you know that you are not alone out there I'm glad you posted, because everyone had some good points I'm going to take into consideration. Julie

Hi Elizabeth-- I told my husband and my daughter BEFORE surgery. I did not tell anyother family members until about 10 months after my surgery -- including my mother. I did not want anyone to say "easy way out". Not that I cared what they thought, I did not want to deal with MY attitude toward someone that would say "easy way out"!!

I really appreciate all of your repsonses!! You addressed all the concerns I had that I couldn't quite figure out how to write I originally thought I'd wait until after it was said and done, but even though I'm not close to that side of my family, I do love and care about them very much; that's one reason I want to tell them before my WLS. I don't want them to feel like they were left out of something so wonderful for me! And no, no matter what anyone says, I am not changing my mind about having the surgery. The people that really care for me and have always been there already know and are with me 100%! I have read my share of the surgical horror stories, deaths and unsuccessful post-surg follow-ups, but I know ME and that I CAN DO THIS! Okay, I'll get off my saddle now Thanks!!! Elizabeth Happy Momma

Elizabeth--I told my husband and two kids--that's it. Never felt the need to share my personal health issue with extended family.