Obsession with fat??!!!!!

My husband has told me I am obsessed with fat because I am going to the conference. I have been through several training programs as well for support group leadership. He just doesn't get it. I made the analogy to him about an alcoholic. Going to AA meetings, group councelling, spending time with his/her sponsor. No different for us. I am hoping this doesn't put a damper on my experience with you all. He started swing shift today so I won't even see him until Sunday when I return. Maybe that is good. Thanks for letting me vent. Paula

Hello Paula, NOTHING wrong with being obsessed with fat, I hope I ALWAYS am. It's the only thing that will keep me from repeating the mistakes that led me to 400 lbs. Obsession is not always a negative thing - lol, next time he says that, thank him, you worked hard to reach your goals and you're gonna enjoy staying there. - Lei

Thanks! I will try hard to have a good time. Paula

Paula, try not to dwell on it. At least if obsession is what it is then we are all obsessed together and you will be in wonderful company. Courtney 6 1/2 weeks out - 38 lbs

He speaketh because he can't understandeth... My wife can't grasp it either. She had a breast reduction and while doing so got very involved in some woman's board to chat about the surgery- etc...once she was healed - she was done with it. She has had trouble grasping the concept of why- now that I am "done and skinny" I can't let go of my boards and my "fat friends"... I have explained that unlike a breast reduction - I have to live with this for the rest of my life- every day - every minute. It is NOT the same thing at all...When you have WLS you make a LIFETIME commitment - or at least you SHOULD...and, hell, I have. I feel your pain. While she is happy I have lost the weight, she has never shown any real interest in being involved, so she simply isn't asked to be... This- and all of you - are for me! My grandma always taught me that "God helps those who help themselves..." SO Help Yourself..He'll either learn to live with it as part of the new you - or he won't. Either way- YOU will be healthy - and that is important beyond words. See you this weekend! David

Paula, I don't know if we are obsessed with fat, or needing to know others who know what we deal with. Have you ever noticed that you surround yourself with people like yourself? When you were single, probably most of your friends were single, once you get married, you start to see that most of your friends are married. The same thing happens when people start having children, suddenly all of your friends have children. I just like to surround myself with people who are like me. I suddenly have friends who have been through WLS, are married, and have no children. Just like myself! I don't think I'm obsessed with anything, I just think its a heck of alot easier to go out to eat with my WLS friends who understand why I am a complicated orderer than going out with non-WLS friends who can't figure out why I order a chicken sandwich without the bun! In the same way its easier to go out with married friends (so we can all gripe about our husbands). Good Luck! We are here to listen to you vent about WLS or husbands or just life in general! Leland

Oh, Paula, you are darn right I am obsessed....I want to help all obese people and just because we lose the weight, doesn't mean we forget where we came from....I will never forget all the physical and emotional pain I have been through and to be with others like myself is such good therapy. We are a support group....we have a special bond...we have all been there and done that. What better group of friends???? Don't let it get you down...we need you there. Love ya bunches. Betsy

Paula, Eating disorders can often be replaced by other eating orders or even alcoholism. I've seen some very candid folks post about getting WLS and then becoming anorexic or bulimic after surgery due to their fears about eating and fears about gaining weight back. Obviously anorexia and bulimia are very dangerous things just as non-compliance with ones vitamin regiment and nutritional needs can be in the long run. Others...replace their eating disorder with alcohol, coffee drinking, shopping, spending, etc. Some folks can take watching how much they eat, counting calories, fat grams, etc to a compulsive level. As I guess staying online 24/7 on this site or attending every support group meeting with a radius of your home could be taken to the extreme too. What I'm trying to say is that if the watching what you eat is causing someone constant stress then it is probably to the point of compulsion. If attending support groups or being online means that you don't do other things that you need to do in your life like spending time with family and friends, doing chores, etc then it is probably to the point of compulsion too. The best thing to do is to find a happy balance in our lives where we are cautious how we eat but not crazed over it and where we get the support that we need from our peers yet have time for life above and beyond WLS. I feel well grounded in these areas at this point in my life. I don't count calories. I feel like I still don't eat enough quantity wise as 8 months post-op to do myself harm. The scale still moves from time to time though not much which is fine because I think I'm in close range of my goal. I have started at a gym and I think this will get my body into more toned shape and will let me see where my body wants to go weight-wise. I do not eat sugar. I don't miss it. I happily say no thanks. I do watch my carbs but I don't count them. Just avoid the starches the majority of the time with a few indulgences from time to time without guilt. I did stop posting messages online from work for the most part because it was interfering with my job and I wanted to nip that in the butt before it became a work performance issue. I attend 3 support groups a month but if something came up socially that wasn't flexible I would do that first. Good luck to you. This is all a hard balancing act. Kathy

Oh wow, very very good information, thanks. Thank you so much for being open with me!!! But I don't obsess at all about what I eat. I probably should be more attentive, but I have a life outside of food. But the information you gave me is priceless, thanks. Paula

Good for you Paula! Perhaps your husband assumes that since you've lost the weight that you don't need to go to conferences or support group since you are maintaining quite well. My take on this is that for the long haul, I need to stay connected to others that have gone through this process for a number of reasons: 1) Because folks that have never had a weight problem don't understand what it is like. We cannot give up food in its entirety. We need it for our health. Peers understand that. 2) People that keep the weight off are more likely to be folks that continue with support groups. Statistics say so. 3) Information. I MUST have access to health information that can only come from folks that are much further out from surgery than I am. I need to know what the long term health issues might be so that I can try to head them off at the pass. I don't assume that my health provider know it all. Of course it is always fun weeding out the information from the disinformation but that's what the net is all about. 4) There is a social aspect to this. In today's society, one doesn't easily get to know their neighbor or neighbors come and go. Being involved with others who are even local to your area provides access to some social activity and just plain fun. Kathy