Body Image

so...yes, ive seen changes in my body.  i am getting smaller (ive now lost a total of 9" total body), my weight is slowly going down (since March 29th, ive lost 15-18#, depending on the scale that day).  ive been told that i am getting TOO skinny.  TOO SKINNY??  i dont see that.   i still see FAT dawn. i am so judgemental about my own appearance.  i know this is my own insecurities, but how can i get away from that??  dr elliot? any insight would be greatly appreciated.

i was handing my husband something the other day.  he said .."look at those skinny arms!" ..all i see is WINGS! flapping in the wind!
i went to work monday with a new scrub top...mind you, a MEDIUM!  i was told i am shrinking away to nothing!  all i see is my big ole tummy and thighs!

ive struggled with this my entire life.  ive been to counseling. ive never had an eating disorder, thank god (besides eating too much, turning to food for comfort, etc), but when, if ever, will my perception of myself change??



-hugs-
dawn

Dawn.. first i want to say you are doing awesome.. and keep doing what your doing..  and i completely 100% understand where your coming from..  gastric bypass  helps change our appearance .. but it doesnt help change our image in our mind on how we feel and look about ourselves..    i think when i finally hit my 150 pounds or lower.. ill still see the fat beth i use to be.    i was skinny growing up.. until i started having kids .. and began to eat bad and like you.. i ate for comfort..    but no matter how much weight i will lose.. i never wanna be that fat beth i once was.. and it will forever be in my head..         but we have to let go of that fat person we once were..   and let us be happy with how we feel and look..  we are looking better with each day...    look how far youve come... how far we have all come...   compare a picture of yourself today.. from before surgery...  it will put a smile on your face.. and a warm spot in your heart.....  keep up the GREAT work..

Beth

by chance... have you seen the new show  with jillian michaels?  its on i think tuesdays or monday night..   its called losing it with jillian.... its a awesome show about her helping someone for 1 week  getting them on track with a diet program and their life..    this reminds me on the show 2 weeks ago... it was  family    the dad and daugther had gastric bypass.. and the surgery failed for the father.. he gained alot of weight back and for the daugther she lost alot.. but kept seeing herself heavy in the mirror... so jillian finally told her... you need to let her go...(meaning the fat girl in her head)  that girl is gone... let her be happy...  she said the same things you did in this post...  i cried like a baby watching that show... because it hit home..  big time!!! i felt like i was that girl she was talking too.    you should watch it if you havent..  but beware.. its emotional...  :)    well for me it is... being ive struggled with weight and i know the pain these people go through with trying to lose the weight and the body image they have for themselves...

Dawn - I completely understand.  I also get the same comments.  TOO SKINNY and concern from family.  And that the after effects of losing so much weight on my skin makes me very self concious.  Like I said in your other post - I'm huge on strategic clothing purchases.  And when I do feel daring and go out in a sundress that shows off my HEINOUS bat wings, I try to focus and remember how far I've come and they are my battle scars.  A friend here on OH was the one that gave me that good motto to remember!  I thank her for that, because I really really struggled with showing off my arms.  Also, because it's so darn hot already this year, I have REALLY embraced dresses and was always very mindful of length because near my knees I have little pooches from my sagging thigh skin.  But again...battle scars.  I now will buy something that sits at the top of the knee or even a bit shorter if I really like the dress instead of below the knee lengths.  For me, this transistion has been a slow one.

Oh and for the record, as odd as this sounds.  I am FAR more critical of my body and how I look now than I was when I was heavy!  Hell you can't hide fat, so I just didn't give a rat's behind.  Now, I check and double check myself every time I get dressed to make sure I look good.  Sigh.  It really is a mind thing.  And yes, it's a struggle.

I suggest getting back into counseling and really hit this head on.  :)  Good luck!

Supposedly it takes 2 years to catch our minds to our bodies.  Now I see the fat chick in the mirror again but realize that is in part to my gain.  I wonder if it is 2 years from when you stabilize.....

OK..so you have skinny arms with wings. Although I don't like my thighs or the extra skin on my belly, I developed a mantra. When I look in the mirror or down at my belly and thighs and see extra skin, I say "I may have saggy parts, but now I have a healthy heart".

Although I hated being obese, the reason I changed my life through gastric bypass were health reasons. I was 5'4" 262 lbs, diabetic, high bp, high cholesterol.

We need to learn to shut off the voices in our head  ( and sometimes those 'well meaning' people) that make us insecure. I would see a counselor.

Very well put Jen, I did the weight loss for the healthy reasons. My granddaughter Becca who is 6 calls the loose skin under my arms bat wings. I would rather have that loose skin than the 130 lbs. of extra fat that I use to carry around. Hope to see you before you leave for that blue water beaches in Hawaii Love ya,
Betty

Hey Dawn,

I'm a few days late on this one, and haven't been active on the board for a while but thought I'd respnd to your post cause it hits a nerve with me too.  I still struggle some 4 years post-op but what help me get my head around a shrinking me and abetter personal self image was first: before and after pictures.  Pictures don't lie and I had a hard time beliveing what I was seeing and that it is what I look like to others.  Second, at a OH WLS confernce we had a 50s theme dance one night and I changed into my greaser guy attire in the restroom of the hotel.  While slicking mt hair back and my t-shirt sleeves rolled up, I accidently spent time infront of a miror and had a misty moment ands self revelation,...it was me I was looking at in the mirror and It wasn't fat.  I was focused on getting the hair right and with some time started seeing me instead of the hair otr what I thought I looked like.  I'd recommend some serious private mirror time, maybe do some dressing up, but spend some time see who you are now.

And don't bother about people telling you thatyou are too skinny.  Probably the same ones that told you that you were getting too big.  You do what makes you feel good.  You did this surgery to enlong your life and improve your quality of living.  That means new menu, new activity, new clothes, new friends, new attitudes.  Your real friend will hang with you.  The ones that like you because you were no threat or competition, or your good looks didn't intimidate them,...they'll move on to other safe friends.

Good luck in your continues success.  Peeked at your photos and you look great.  Congrats on the graduating daughter.  They both like like their Mom.

Joe
wjoegreen

P.S.  I was carrying a 80lb bag of quikcrete across my back yard last weekend and thought how I'd like to go jogging with that.  Then I realized, I use to carry two of them around all the time before WLS (RNY).  Whoa!