A Sensitive Subject

First off, let me start by saying that I am very happy with the way the board has been working together lately.  We've all been so helpful & supportive...just as it should be.  I don't know what I would do without all of you.

With that said, I would like to address an issue that has come up that stresses me a great deal.

Spreading rumors & back-biting behind the scenes.

It has come to my attention that there are some folks here that feel it necessary to run down people behind their backs.  To that I want to say STOP IT!  It is childish, maliscious, & not in keeping with what this board is supposed to be about.  People, particularly our newbies,  have to know that they can come here & be in a safe environment where they can trust others with their fears, concerns, & fairly personal questions & feelings without worry of repercussions from behind the scenes.  I'm not proposing that we all have to be bosom buddies...personalities DO clash sometimes.  But perpetuating OLD stuff is counterproductive to our journies that is happening in the here & now.

Yes, I know I spilled my guts about the whole Lisa thing...but I did that BECAUSE of this very topic.  I had hoped to not only clear my name & reputation, but to put a stop to the meanness that was happening & to dispell the rumors, lies, & gossip that was flying around about me.  Yet now it is happening again to someone else.

To those that are doing this...you know who you are.  Knock it off & grow up!  The rest of us are bonding together to help each other move forward on our journies.  I won't speak for others, but I don't have time to fool around with your childish pettiness.  I want to come here & support everyone...even you!  I am reminded of something my mother taught me..."If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all."  You would do well to remember those words & put them into practice.

This is a board about genuine care, concern, & a wish to help each other along.  We all have something to contribute & this board DOES WORK so long as it doesn't have sabatours in the wings undermining it.

I do not wish for this post to cause anyone to think that maybe they should go somewhere else where there isn't so much drama.  If anything, I am hoping that we will rally around one another & weed out the trouble makers.  This is OUR board, & we cannot allow anyone to come here & think that they can be mean & hateful & get away with it.

I believe in the power of this board & I NEED the people in it.  I think we all need each other.  So lets not allow anyone to ruin what we have all worked so hard to create...a safe, loving, caring environment filled with understanding & respect.

Good pm Ann,

This is an interesting post. First, I appreciate your support & encouragement to and for us all. Next, I am glad to see many of us posting again & sharing in best practices and being as supportive & understanding as well as inspiring and encouraging. Then, I'd like to share my opinion/thoughts. Your post indicates happenings behind the scences in which some and/or many of us are NOT aware of or in the know. I think the appropriate action(s) is to approach one another DIRECTLY (coming/going to the source) if/when there are issues, concerns, disagreements and/or questions. Everyone deserves to be heard as we ALL know every story has 2 sides. Respect should be shown even if we may not agree with other people's choices/situations etc. Lastly, "Best of all is to beware of the half truth. You may have gotten hold of the wrong half."

I have to agree with Kat on this one...I appreciate all that you try to do with reviving the board and such. But speaking as someone who is almost two years out, posts like this are exactly why I stay away from the board or do not post at all. Things like this should be handled with the parties involved. It does no good for "newbies" to see stuff like this posted, what purpose does it serve to anyone going along in this journey. Yes people gossip, people back stab and so on....but to air it out like laundry when it may only involve two or three people makes no sense to me. Everyone talks about everyone...otherwise you and others wouldn't know who is doing what or whose feelings got hurt....we just need to realize who our friends are and hopefully feel safe and comfortable with them enough to talk about anything or anyone if we so choose.
Maybe this is why I don't have many friends, because it all seems to come down to a big competition, who loses what who is what size who is exercising the most. Thats just not what I am in this for....just my two cents worth.... 

Karen ,
Please look for a PM from me .

Thanks,

Tink

I agree as well Karen but  we cant let things keep us away, Im very proud of you and where u are today. You look awesome and have come so very far from our first meet. We have so much to contribute to the others and I have decided Im not gonna let the negative crap keep me away. I have done to much and came to dang far in the past  4 years  and  have alot that I can offer others. So hope you as well will offer up your journey to others and turn the other cheek to all this other stuff. Its not worth it. The newbies deserve the support we once had and I plan to be here if I can be of help. See ya soon.

Ann ,
Thank you so much for taking time to write this . It needed to be said . It is funny how just when you think that people have moved on , things happen like this .
I have been the victim of such things that you write about . And yes it hurts .. it also does not give those that do not know me a chance to get to know me . While there are some that have their opinions of me .. there is the truth ... I know the truth . but why do some find it necessary to always stir crap .
I appreciate also our talk this morning . As you know I am ready to fly hot , but I am not going to let this get to me , I have way to much to be thankful for , to many blessings to take in . I refuse to let trash like this get to me any longer .
I have been a member of this board now for 5 years . I have stepped away as I seen some really harmful things happening .. and I did not want any part of it . And with your encouragement I am going to come back and do what I do best , and that is support others who are walking the same walk as I am . There are to many people out here that can benefit from my journey . We all have stories to tell .. some different than others .
I need this board as much as it can need me .
In saying that I want to diffuse any rumors that some may have heard about me ..

1. I am not a drug addict
2, I have never stolen drugs from my husband. ( Who BTW is a Federal Law Enforcement Officer)
 
The things that I have heard about me are so childish and immature . If I were a drug addict Ann , do you think I could do the things I do in my time .
I run a very successful On line support group , I am an active member of OH's Support Group Leaders as well as a Bariatric Life Coach . One on drugs or alcohol could not function and do what I do . I am to be an active participant in the upcoming OH NYC Event . Not to many drug addicts could process and acomplish what I do . Yes , I give myself credit . I always say we must be our own cheerleaders.
I am a proud grandmother of 2 with One on the way , that I give care to .. Not many drug addict grandmas can do the things I do with these boys.

It is sad , that I suffered at the hands of another , a terrible car accident , I now have 4 blown disc in my back .. and someone got wind I was taking pain meds , and turned me into a junkie .. you know as well as I do , I fight the use of pain pills daily .. and find cortisol treatment to be working so much better for me . Pain .. it is there .. Manage it .. yes .. I do use what I can to settle this debilitating pain I have in my back . I would not wish this on anyone . But to use information like this to hurt me .. come on .. think about how you would feel if it where done to you .

Not to mention , I have many friends that support me , encourage me and who can atest to who I am and what I stand for .
You know Ann , along with losing my weight , one thing I did not lose is my values and morals.This I can be proud of . Yes , friends come and go in our lives, but the true friends that you keep are the ones that forgive you when you mess up , who love you unconditionally .
I know in you , I can come to you for guidance and get the truth . While the truth can hurt , at least you are honest with me and allow me to be me . You do not judge and are one of the most open and honest friends I have . With out going into detail , you where my rock yesterday .. you get me and understand where I come from . One thing I will not change is who I am . While yes , I am guilty of getting upset with others here for things that have been said .. but ya know what .. I forgave them and moved on . I have even tried to engage myself in order to show a united stand here on the boards . But one can only take so much back stabbing . Like I told you too , on Feb 5th of this year , I regained my relationship with Christ , and I am doing my best to love as Jesus would love .I have asked for forgiveness and asked that God show me how to live for him .. and not for the glory that I may have . The glory for all of this goes to HIM ! 

 I have learned from my past mistakes .. and have moved on . But one thing I cannot let stand is for someone to defile my character. It is against the law . For someone to tell others things that can hurt my reputation is at best slander. 

In law, defamation (also called calumny, libel (for written words), slander (for spoken words), and vilification) is the communication of a statement that makes a claim, expressly stated or implied to be factual, that may give an individual, business, product, group, government or nation


Again, thank you for taking time to post this . I hope others learn from it , let go of the lies and anger. Move on .. stop and remember why we are here .. To help and support others going through Weight Loss Surgery .

Love to you ,

Natalie

Natalie,  Great points!   Truth and honesty.    A rare commodity.   As  obese people we of all people should be sensitive to cruelty.   STOP IT !  Treat each other as you expect to be treated.      Truth and honesty with kindness!

 I do not have a photo or personal information for a good reason.    People you do not know who you are talking to.  This site is no different than any chat line.    Think before you put your personal information out there ...  Heck you may be chatting to a felon or a conman.  

 I am on here to get WLS support, nothing more nothing less .    Ladies and Gents I do not care what you look like before or after.   I do care about being honest and returning the kindness of some persons who have chose the share their experiences.  In return I would like to pass on the kindness.  

We need to focus on looking within as to why we are overweight and working at keeping the weight off.     We should be sharing our experiences.   Be kind and considerate.   Remember you were the newbie at one time.    


Unfortunately Ann thought she made a friend and instead got involved with someone who needs a shrink.      Ann no one on here is your friend.  We are all aquaintances.     We are sorry that this has affected you, but now we are all going to move on and get back to the business of supporting each other in maintaining weight loss.   Focus on the inner you and not listen to the crap.      Take care   Caroline
 

I'm at a loss.  I have waffled over the last year in staying involved with this Board because there has been so much "junk" going on here.  I was under the impression that this Board is here to provide support -- newbies should be able to look here to get help from post ops, and the post ops would be able to look to others for answers to questions in addition to "paying it forward" -- helping others. 

I never played these games in middle school, certainly not high school, and I don't play them now.  I had hoped that we could resurrect this Board, but it appears it is  completely off track. 

It makes me sad.

All i can say is: WOW....

Newbies dont be scared off here for this stuff.. We are here to help you and I certainly dont feed into this crap or any other "he said she said" crap.

I very much appreciate all the responses.  All of you make points to consider & perhaps reflect on.  Hopefully, this will have cleared the air once and for all & we can continue to get down to what's REALLY important.  It's pretty obvious that we all have the same goal in mind...to share our experiences with each other in order to help each other along this sometimes confusing, frustrating, yet thrilling journey.

I am not going to go down this path again.  It's upsetting & tiring & it makes my brain hurt.  I can think of so many other more positive things to concentrate on.  For whatever its worth to anyone, I only wish for the very best for all of us & I get rather protective.  It's also been brought to my attention that I get a bit long winded sometimes (thanks for pointing that out to me, btw).  So please know that it is with the best of intentions always, & with an open heart that I say or share some of the things I write about.  A lot of good advice was given here on this thread...much that I will take to heart.  This board IS a good place to come to.