How's your mindset?

I wrote something about this topic a loooong time ago & it seemed to put things into perspective for a lot of people.  Since we have quite a few new people added to our family, I think it's worth repeating.

I want you all to erase the word O-N-L-Y  from your vocabulary when it comes to your wl journey.  I've been seeing a lot of "I ONLY lost ____ lbs." lately.  No, my darlings.  That word used in that way translates to a negative.  And haven't we all had enough negatives in our lifetime without US heaping it on ourselves?  I don't care if you lost a single ounce, you should be saying "Hey, I lost 1 ounce today!"  That's 1 ounce less, that you don't have to worry about anymore.  It's an accomplishment...a wow moment.  To press my point home, I will share with you a story that a former OH'er told me about a couple years ago, when I was saying "only."  And it's a true story, not made up.

He had a friend that had wls.  One day his friend & her hubby were shopping at Lowe's.  During the course of conversation she said to hubby "But I've only lost 25 lbs."  Well, hubby thought that losing 25 lbs was a big deal, but he could tell that she didn't see it that way.  So as they shopped, he made sure they made their way to the garden department.  When they got to the bags of potting soil, he told her "See that bag of soil?  I want you to lift it up & carry it around the store with us."  She looked at him like he'd lost his mind!  "Are you kidding?  I can't even lift that thing!"  "Oh, but you were carrying that much around on your body for how many years?  You just said you lost that much, so go ahead & carry it for a bit.  Remind yourself of how that felt."  Well, it took her a moment to realize what he was getting at.  Losing those 25 lbs WAS a big deal after all.

So, do you see?  It's all about our mindset.  Before we can expect others to recognize or appreciate our hard work, we have to see it in ourselves first.  Negativity is sabotage in the world of wl.  We have to learn to pat our own selves on the back & learn to recognize our own accomplishments.  By saying "I only lost ?? lbs" is to diminish that accomplishment...discount it, as if it isn't deserving of the recognition it should be getting.  A loss is a loss is a loss & you worked hard to get it off.  You watched what you ate, how much you ate, exercised, made sure you followed all the instructions (or at least most of them) to make your tool work.  And then when it DOES work, you say "only"?  Ummm...not so much.  It's the uneducated, unknowing, non-doing people that will say "You only lost 1 lb in a week?"   But we here...we are going to celebrate it because we recognize the significance of it.  So please...no more "only".  You are worth oh so much more than that!

The same thing goes for those of you struggling with getting in enough liquids or enough protein.  Every step forward, means less backwards.  Does that make sense?

When is the last time any of you looked into the mirror at yourself & actually said..."I like you.  I really LIKE you."  Try it.  Go to a mirror right now, LOOK at yourself, & say it out loud..."I like you."  And then add "I'm proud of you."  We HAVE to start changing the way we see ourselves.  Self esteem & self worth took a beating when we were at our largest.  I know most of us went into this journey to get healthier so we could live longer, yadda, yadda, yadda.  All good reasons.  But don't you want to feel better ABOUT yourself too?  I know I do. 

Many have said that when you look in the mirror, you still see the fat person.  That is so sad.  I'm not suggesting that you ever forget her/him...you will always have the memory of what it was like to be big.  You won't ever forget the staring, the comments made behind your back (but loud enough you could hear them), the frustration of trying to find clothes that fit (forget about whether they were stylish!), having to sit on the sidelines & watch as others got to do things you couldn't because you were too big.  Those memories will never go away.  But shouldn't they be just that...memories?  I want you to learn to love who you are NOW...who you are becoming.  I want you to look in the mirror & see the new you, not the old you.  We are all butterflies coming out of our cocoons.  Do you think a butterfly looks in the mirror & says "OMG!  I'm such a fat, ugly catterpillar!"  Nahhhh. (you're supposed to laugh at that one).  Spread those beautiful wings & rejoice in the transformation that you get to witness every single day.  Hey, if guys can stand in front of a mirror & flex their muscles, we can stand there & lift the girls up high!  Pay attention to the fact that you can go up a set of stairs & NOT be huffing & puffing at the top.  You can easily slide into a booth at a restaurant.  People don't cringe when you go for the wicker chair (I remember Louie Anderson saying that).  You are not simply building a better body...you are rebuilding the entire package & that includes your mindset.

Fly my butterflies....FLY!

Side Note:  Maybe we should make the butterfly our mascot.  Our symbol of transformation.  I know it's kinda girlie for the guys, but they can hide their butterflies...lol.  Although I've seen a lot of big, burly truckers driving down the road in hot pink trucks.

Just something to consider.

The Butterfly is the emblem for the FFP : )

Oh really?  So brilliant minds think alike, eh?  I think that's wonderful.  Well, is there any reason why we can't all share in the joy of the butterfly?  Would you be offended?  Perhaps we could choose a particular type of butterfly for our board.

I was going to send over to you but  trying to figure this dang thing out. May have to send to u in email.  

Oh Melinda, that is really pretty.  And very distinct!  Thank you for sharing. 

Well, do we have any closet artists amongst us that would be willing to create another butterfly, different from Melinda's support group?  Perhaps something more whimsical rather than Melinda's elegant one.  Any volunteers?

 

What an awesome post !
You so captured so many of the things I love to talk about . Self Esteem .. Self Love .. Being our own cheerleaders.

At 5 years out , I have gone through just about all the highs and lows one can feel during WLS .
There were times I seen that fat girl still looking back at me in the mirror .. I felt fat at every turn . It was not until one night , getting dressed to go out , that I truly seen my self .. the real me . I looked at the mirror and said .. YOU DID IT .. YOU ARE A THIN PERSON NOW .. and I did this .. yes with the help of my surgery , but it was my dilegence and determination that I was able to beat it ..

I counsel so many people who tell me they do not feel like they are successes , because they are not a size 6 .. I have to tell them , they are a size NORMAL .. they are no longer Obese .. and have landed right where they need to be .

The part in me that fights food each day is here .. It will always be here .. Food was my comfort .. my friend .. and if I forget today that food is my source of energy .. and not my friend .. I lose the battle . So many fight this battle .. and I am one of them .

At 5 years out , I still have to mindful while I may look normal , I am not normal .. my body requires extra protein , water -- and my exercises ... I have to do this of I could end up failing ..

Thank you Ann for posting this .. what great words ..
I love you .. you are so one of my BESTIES ..
So .. how are those CHICKEN AND DUMPINGS ...LOL LOL

Wow, thank again everyone, I went through so much after my RNY. In the hospital for a month and gaining weight. I would read how other people lost so much weight in the first couple of months and I was at the same weight for two months. My husband and family are so proud of me, no junk food or soda for over 6months. So I will no longer say "I just lost" it is weight gone forever.
Ruby

Great post, Ann!  As the British would say, it's "spot on!" 

Thanks for the encouragement!