I Survived Atlanta !!!

I just got home yesterday from Hotlanta . Kimmy for those that met her this year at the Conference. put on a weekend Meet and Greet . I met some really awesome people.
I did however, meet some people with severe transfer addiction problems, low self esteem and some that where just down right sad .

I cannot stress enough about getting one's self help with these types of addictions.
The really sad thing is that most of them recoginze it, but refuse to do anything about it . I was approached by a couple of the women to ask me about how to restart their lives. I made it clear that I am no doctor and the best thing to do was to get into some counseling .

I made so many friends at this event, as well as reconnecting with many from our events.

I am excited about 09 and the possiblity of David and I doing a Valentines weekend . I would get to see them again for sure .

Well , I am off to unpack and wash clothes ...
Glad to be back .

Tink

Welcome back.  Glad you had a good time.

Tammy

Hey Natalie,

Glad you had a nice time at the conference.

I feel compelled to respond to some of your post as it has an impact on myself and others struggling with transfer of addiction. Transfer of addiction is quite a bit more prevelant these days. More attention and time needs to be given to this subject as its not just a trend but has become more the norm in the WLS community.

Low self esteem is hard enough to deal with without adding a transfer of addiction to the mix. Its incredibly important that these folks be supported and encouraged and having dealt with transfer of addiction personally I CAN say I KNOW that most of these folks DO want help they are just unsure how to go about getting it.

Some folks might have seemed "just down right sad" but honestly they are people with feelings, fears and doubts and need someone to show them that they have choices and Life doesn't have to be that way. Its a hard realization to come to in our lives especially when we're down and facing demons in our lives.

What kind of support did you offer? Encouragement? Did you reach out to them and offer any suggestions, ideas etc? There are folks here on the boards who are wonderful when it comes to their experiences. Did you direct any folks here?

I ask because counseling is a wonderful avenue to travel and helps tremendously with self realization and dealing with many things. However, its not the end all be all. A support system built on trust and honesty is a MUST. In that support system needs to be folks who may not have all the answers but they lend an ear, a shoulder, thoughts, support etc. That's all I've asked for and in the months since getting sober *I* get those things now.

Just things on my mind and wanted to express my worry, concern and support/encouragement as I KNOW how hard the struggles are and felt VERY MUCH ALONE with so many things and wouldn't want this for others. I hope that someone reading this knows they've got a friend and confidant here. No judging; just support and concern.

It was at times Kat a lot to bear and watch . I tried desperatly to talk to them and let them see that they are worth so much more than this . But , I am not sure I was heard. All I can do at this point is pray for them . And that started on the plane ride home .

People listen to your bodies. Listen to your emotions . Do not let drugs or alcohol take over your life .

I have seen so many of my friends fall victim to this as well as drug abuse. I just wish more consideration went into preparing pre-ops for all the changes. I am now drafting a letter to Dr. Hutcher to discuss this . We really need a better program .

Thanks for your insight , it means so much to so many .
Nat

Hey Natalie,

Can I ask when your meeting with Dr. Hutcher will be? Also, what might your letter entail? I too am interested (have been working on a few things) in getting more folks involved and aware. There is much strength in numbers and having dealt with this issue personally I know that I can shed light on the subject as well as several others.

Thanks!

Kat ,
I am going to call them today to see about getting an appointment with him. I need to have my hernia checked out and I thought that this would be the best time to catch him. I would be very open to having you meet me there and us discussing this with him.
I truly think that there needs to be more indepth conversations with pre-ops before this surgery. Not only about transfer addictions , but I believe that the meetings they have need to have someone that has been post op for more than 2 years speak to them and discuss the lifestyle .

I for one never got a good feel on what to expect. Yes I knew what type of surgery, I knew about the foods I would need. However, I would have  loved to have been able to have a Q and A with a post op .

We cannot let this die here . We need to bring this up at any time we can with our surgeons and let them know that our community is suffering .

If you are willing , I am willing . And anyone else that wants to come along , the more the merrier. Just let me get in my check up first ... LOL .. this hernia is killing me .

Or on another note , if we could find out when Dr. Hutcher is going to be speaking at a pre-op meeting or at one of the support groups , we could all show up and just start a discussion on this . Perhaps the support group meeting they have at St. Mary's would be a venue .

A lot to think about , but this has to be done . I can no longer sit back and watch the people that I care about go into self destruction mode. I cannot save the world . But I can atleast speak my mind. It hurts me so much to see this . Your message is a strong one , and one that is articulated very well .

I will let you know when he can see me and if this is something that you want to do let me know .
The letter I am writing are my thoughts and perspective on the issue . I want to be able to bomb him with statistics and cases that I know of . Your thoughts on that ?

Take care and I hope that we can make a difference . ,

Natalie

Nat,
I am very happy that this is being addressed. 
The things that jump out in your post are that this needs to be addressed more pre op.  Well, since I had my first preop consultation in late February and had my surgery in April (not too much time in between appointment A and Surgery date) and it was discussed with me no less than five times in that time period I feel as though they are addressing it preop.  I think it is more something that people don't think will happen to them so they concentrate more on the "more serious" side effects. 
IMHO if you wanted to speak to someone more than two years post op you should have been attending the support group meetings BEFORE surgery.  I did and I met a lot of wonderful friends that were 3,4,5+ years post op.  Some still go to St. Mary's meetings and are always willing to share their stores, successes and failures.  I think a lot of this is why Commonwealth now REQUIRES you to attend a certain number of support group meetings preop and post op.  
You are one of the biggest advocates of being your own personal health care advocate.  I can not understand why you did not do this before one of the biggest surgeries of your life.  I researched a long time before even scheduling a consult.    When I went in for my consult I just needed to have some info confirmed because I had already found the answers to all of my questions.  This is MY LIFE we were talking about. 
There are SO MANY complications that they can not all possibly be listed. 
Please don't take this the wrong way...it is just how I see it.  Commonwealth does a wonderful job of informing and tranasfer addictions are listed in the old and new manuel you get before surgery and it is talked about in the preop classes.  I also know it is a topic at the support group at least once a year, if not more.  I used to be on the steering committee for that group and have led the meeting on several occasssions.  Let me know if you would like me to talk to Irene and when you can be there for a discussion on this topic.  I will try to get it set up for a meeting and ask that Dr H and maybe Dr. Baustia be there if possible.

Tammy

Hey Natalie,

I've got a couple concerns with this. First, this is YOUR appointment to take care of a serious health related issue and not (in my thoughts) an appropriate time to take away from your care.

The suggestions/points you've listed here are VERY good and important. I think many folks have suggestions/points that need to be heard.

My thoughts regarding finding out when he's speaking at an informational meeting are that its not the audience I think we need to speak to at this point. I think that in order to incorporate a meat and potatoes type feel we NEED to put the proof on paper, get our ideas etc together and perhaps do a letter writing campaign among other things.

The support groups at St. Mary's could possiby be an avenue to pursue. I've got contacts within them as well and that's another positive thing.

In any event, the topic won't die and one by one we'll be heard if it takes the rest of my life I won't stop getting the word out and sending messages of hope and support.

Kat,

Very well stated!  As you know, my cousin who is over 25 years post op has had transfer addiction a few times.  His started with spending money.  He spent so much that he had to file bankruptcy.  He then went to become a full fledged alcoholic.  He almost killed himself several times and ended up being hospitalized for this.  His mother had recently gotten remarried after having WLS herself and his self esteem was at an all time low.  He needed her and she was not there for him.  You can speak of this first hand...I can not.  I do know what I have seen my friends and my family go through and it is not pretty.

SO I AM PUTTING THIS OUT THERE.....TO ANYONE THAT NEEDS SOMEONE.  I WILL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR YOU.  I CAN OFFER AN EAR TO LISTEN, A SHOULDER TO CRY ON, HONESTWORDS OF ADVICE AND A SWIFT KICK IN THE BUTT IF YOU NEED ONE!  I WILL NEVER TURN MY BACK ON YOU AND WILL ALWAYS BE HERE.  I MAY NOT HAVE SUFFERED THRU THIS PERSONALLY, BUT I WILL NEVER TURN MY BACK ON YOU.  CALL ON ME ANYTIME OF THE DAY OR THE NIGHT!  TOGETHER WE CAN AND WILL FIND THE SUPPORT YOU NEED! 

Tammy

Well said Tammy!! I am always here for anyone too!!

Jackie