Im having issues please HELP!!!

Thanks this was advice well taken I will use the one where when you turned 18 there is no law that says I have to house, clothe, feed etc. this was a good one never thought of this. Ill try it. It is hard cause my son struggled with ADHD (per Dr) I think he is Bi-polar which they wouldnt dignoise w/, but hes more Bi-polar than ADHD but because there so similar who was I to say he wasnt. Well at 18 he went off all medication he had been on for years,(after the Pyhic said to him) when you turn 18 thats your choice to or not to take these meds. (WOW) never heard of this. So of course he stopped all at once. He has been ok for sometime w/ little outburst. But the last few months have been H--- for me and most of all my mom. I will see him today and I think Ill have a little chat w/ him though they usually end up in screaming matches because he makes me so angry but Im gonna use the rule thing about 18 and that we are no longer reguired to do the things we have done in the past. He has it made I dont understand these kids today, no respect, such anger, No clue what money is worth and expects everything handed them. Thanks so much for the post. Im so glad Im not the only mother out there who has delt w/ this and if you feel like me so much guilt. Pray it works.....

Ms Prissy, I do not engage in screaming matches. I set the rules in a normal tone of voice and I do not engage in screaming or permit it in my home. It isn't a negotiation and my son isn't entitled to a negotiation. If he wants something from me he has to live up to my expectations or I don't pay for it. If he doesn't like my very small rules, he is welcome to leave. My son also has ADHD and emotional issues. I spent major bucks for tutors, therapists, special one-on-one summer schools, and he is spoiled by family members and grandparents. Oh, did I catch it from my Mother-in-Law about the way I was "abusing" and being mean to my son. I told them it was none of their business and asked them not to interfere because if they did they were doing him a disservice. They backed off. Sometimes some kids don't understand subtle. Mine didn't and I had to get tough on him. Oh god I hated it. I hated wondering if he was cold, hungry or in danger. However, he did come home eventually. They really don't have any choice but to come home, because unless they can contribute financially, most other kids aren't going to bust their rears supporting their friends. My son had a friend who basically told him "sorry, I can't support you and your Starbucks habit. Get a job and start paying me back for all the money I gave you and start paying me rent." That's when I think he finally got a clue about how really blessed he was and how he disrespected what I provide. I think your son will come home too. He just doesn't think you will ask him to leave. Once you follow through, oh, you will be called everything in the book, mean, evil, bad mother, greedy, I heard it all etc., but after they get done blaming you and they accept that they can't manipulate you emotionally and get what they want anyway, they will eventually start thinking about it. It's an eye-opener when they have to survive without your money. I came home from work late, dinner was made, sonny was at the table with his computer doing his English homework. Trash was taken out, dogs were fed, and he offered to clean dishes afterwords. It was a pleasant evening. Other than having a weight problem, I have a blessed life in many ways. It wasn't always so. I have always wondered why on earth our families take us for granted and treat us so badly. We treat guests in our homes better than we treat our family members or they treat us. I have often said I would rather be treated like a guest than family. I never want anyone so familiar with me that they think it's ok to dump on me. I never want to take anyone else in my family for granted either. So we do not permit name calling, we do not yell, and everyone is required to treat everyone else NICELY regardless of the way they feel. My son can think whatever he wants. However, he is not entitled to say it. The last thing he called me when he left the house was "F-ing *****" I thought to myself " what an selfish-little $$@@." However, I did not say it. I told him, " I love you, but calling me names is not going to get you your way. I still make the rules. Deal with it." Please, thank you, and I love you go along way towards feeling like I want to come home at night . I insist on this level of civility from everyone in my home. You, Miss Prissy are worth that kind of respect and regard. It takes a while, but once you make everyone in your home come up to that standard you will be surprised how everyone responds. It helps with dieting too. I really hope things work out for you. Let me know if there is anything I can do. Jacquie

Wow, you know the meaning of "TUFF LOVE TO!" I wish sometimes I could have the nerve to do that with my son but I would be afraid he wouldn't come back. Sometimes I want to strangle him and try to knock some since into his little pea brain! I know it wouldn't help much though. He is 20 years old and has post tramatic stress from when he lived with his father and alot of learning disablities not to mention anger problems. It has been hard taking him on with the age he is and it all started when he turned 18. I could go on and on about what he has done, but I need to get my butt ready for work right now or I will be late. Take care and good luck with your son! Lisa S.

I hear you hun!!! I know exactly what you are talking about. I to have been having problems here at home. They started while I was in the hospital having my WLS. My son and his friend first stole my debt card and spent the money for our house payment. I didn't think my son would do such a thing?! Then after I was home from the hospital for a few weeks I found I was missing a book of checks. I was totally shocked!!! He wrote 19 checks and they just about all bounced to the moon and back. That was my personal account that I did not use much and did not have much money in it. As it turned out the damage was great and I had to press charges on my son. I am trying to work with the Commonwealth Attorney to keep his butt out of jail because he has learning and mental problems. This has cause alot of problems within our household. My husband an I (his step-father) are at each others throats all the time about the crazy stuff that my oldest son does. I to have had a big stall this month with my weight. I did get on the scales this morning to find I finally lost 2 whole stinking lbs but I guess that is more than what I have lost the whole month it seems, so I shouldn't complain. I guess all we can do is hang in there and hope that things will work out for the best. If my son goes to jail and they give him the max he could be facing 105 years! I just want him to get the help he needs and get him straightened out. I wish you the best in your problems. As with everything else we need to just have faith in the Lord and hopefully everything will be ok.

WOW sweetie you guys are in worse shape at this point Im so sorry, but I will tell you I called my mother and told her to hide all the checkbooks and debit card, cause at this point you never know. Im so sorry for what you have to go threw and hope you son gets the treatment he needs, and though I totally understand you having to press charges, jail isnt the answer and I know you know that as well as others, like my son w/ the behavior and anger I to fear that it is gonna hit rock bottom for him as well, and that scares the H--- out of me. But like others have said we have to do what we have to do to protect ourselves and family. My prayers are out there for you and thanks for posting if you ever need to chat please email me. We need each others support.

Thanks for your reply. I have a meeting this afternoon with the Commonwealth Atty to see if I can work out a deal with the state. I am soooo nerves!!! I don't know what she is going to tell me. Hopefully I can walk out of her office feeling hopeful but we will see. I will let you know what happens after I get home. I need everyones prayers right now because it breaks my heart to think I am sending my own son to prison or jail. Right now with the 5 checks that he has been charged with (just to get the ball rolling) he has 10 felony charges and 5 mistermeter (SP?) charges. That alone is a max of 105 years!!!??? Just to let you know how much he really understands the recourse of what he has done, he said to me...."that is a life time isn't it???" I said to him, " Well, lets see, you are 20 years old and if you had 105 years to pull....yup, I would consider that a life time unless you are counting on living about 140 years!?" He just doesn't think clearly at all! I am going to try to get him sent back to Woodrow Wilson Rehab. He has been there twice for evals to see if he qualifies for trade school. He got reconmendations for everything just about that they tested him in. He should have already been there taking classes but everytime they would tell him he could go he gave them the excuse that he had to stay here and work to pay his doctor and hospital bills that he owes. That was a lie because my parents was paying them for him and he won't keep a job. He had about 5 different jobs last year and only worked at them for about 2 weeks. He will work for a few days then complain that he has hurt his hand or shoulder or something and with being new at a job they tell him they will have to find someone else for the job. Another thing that he will do is get mad and walk out for stupid reasons. I do know that when he work at a few jobs, they didn't not understand Chris's slowness , attention problems and his ablity to follow directions. He had a new manager at Burger King to tell me that he did not work up to her standards!!! I was really thinking about sticking a lawsuit on them for harrassment because when I tried to explain his problems to her, she didn't want to hear it!!! I was furious to say the least!!! Just because he looks normal does not mean he is slow! What do they exspect...him to look retarded then they would understand? I am sorry for rambling on about this but it really lights my fire with employers. I hope I can get the help that he needs instead of sending him to jail or prison because that is not the answer for him. Please keep the prayers coming! Lisa S.

I went to the Commonwealth attny yesterday and have good news! She said that she and my son's lawyer are all on the same page. She said that instead of jail time that they will try to work out a deal that he could be recommended to go back to Woodrow Wilson for rehab. She wanted to know how much they should put down for restaution and I told her the amount of both crimes. I need to take the papers showing the amounts to one of the ladies at the courthouse. Chris tells me that there is a waiting period for Woodrow Wilson of about 4-6 months. I told him that if he can get in as soon as we go to court then he can be made to get a job and hold it until WW is ready for him. I also told him that IF he does not comply with the order from the Commonwealth Attny then he will have to go to jail. We are putting the ball in his court and he is the one that is going to have to grow up and except responsiblities. Thank you Prissy for the prayers....they must be working Lisa S.

Melinda and Lisa, I want you both to know you are in my thoughts and prayers. My brother was jailed at 17 for DWI. He did drugs too. My mom constantly bailed him out and took him back home. She was an enabler. It wasn't until she wanted him to come live with me that she got tough.I wouldn't let him come with my husband and me. She Kicked him out.After she learned tough love and kept it up he finally got the message. Today he is a happily married 39 y/o with a son. Clean and sober.Owns his own home has a good job. My step-daughter is bipolar and has ADHD. She was molested at 10 yrs old and her mother wanted her own life and let her come live with me and my husband. I am proud to say that out of a class of 557 she is #18! If you want to chat/vent more you can email me. [email protected]. Jennifer