Hi Julie, I just wanted to welcome you to the Utah boards, it's great to see more of us "Utawns" posting!     I am still pre-op and waiting for insurance appeal, so I haven't met the infamous Carley yet.  

I am not sure if you would feel comfortable saying, but who was it if you don't mind me asking?

Just wanted to share the email I sent to Meredith this morning:

Meredith. I appreciate the time you took to respond initially to me on February 6, 2009.  I also appreciate the offer of resolving the minor issue that existed between myself and Carly.  As stated, I have nothing against Carly or RMAP.  However, though I accepted your offer and have done my part (not saying anything that could be considered even slightly negative regarding Carly or RMAP), it appears the issue has not been resolved (or let go) from the RMAP side.

I have a big need to give back and share my 250 lbs loss with others who are contemplating or just beginning the journey.  My blog, the RMAP facebook group and obesityhelp.com has allowed me to reach out to many former RMAP patients who were negatively affected by my ban from the RMAP board and a few others but my intention at reaching out to you initially (as I stated) was to increase my ability to give back, to share with others everything I have learned and help them be as successful as I have been.

Since RMAP has made it obvious they have no need/desire to make use of me and my experiences to help their current and future patients, I have reached out to Dr. Cottam and his weight loss group.  As the other center of excellence here in Utah, I will be able to give back to their large patient group.  This was a hard decision for me as my mother has a huge connection to RMAP surgeons (Dr. Smith, Dr. Halverson) as well as with Paula.  I will always hold a soft spot for RMAP but life's too short to push for something RMAP obviously doesn't want.

Thanks for your time.  And I do wish you and RMAP all the best.

Sean

The Effects of Weight Loss

  I was just about to log off my blog when something popped into my head that I wanted to share. What are the biggest changes in my life due to my weight loss? I mean surely weight loss alone can't make my life different, can it? I wanted to take a moment to explore that in my mind and as I do so, I want to capture my thoughts on it for you. Yes, I'm just going to ramble. So consider yourself forewarned *smiles*

1. Movement. I always knew that I'd be able to move better if I lost weight. It wouldn't be as hard to get up off the couch and I wouldn't have to fight to maintain my balance or to push up each stair as I go up them. But I NEVER anticipated the change here. I exalt in the feeling of my muscles now as I move. I want to get out and move. I run up stairs now not for exercise but because I can and it feels GOOD to do so. I park way out in the parking lot at stores because I LOVE to feel my thigh muscles as I stretch them out and walk. This summer will see me at the local high school stadium a lot stretching out and yes, even running. HUGE difference.

2. Reactions. As much as I always wanted to believe there were people out there who treated me as a person despite my weight, I now know for sure what I always suspected... that's not true. Even my best friends treat me different now than they used to -- though they do argue that's not the case. It's even a bigger change with those who are somewhat biased against large people (whether they know it or not). I was almost invisible to them and treated much like you would treat garbage (if you treated garbage in a certain way). Suddenly I am the focus of attention just by walking down the hall at work or the grocery store and flirtations come my way almost every day from all ages. It's fun but it has really surprised me.

3. Past Relationships. I'll be the first one to admit that running across my ex-mother-in-law for Halloween 2007 (six months after surgery), when I was walking to my daughter's Halloween parade at her school was one of my best post-surgery moments. She stopped to cross the street, looked back at me and when she noticed how much weight I'd lost, her jaw literally dropped open. That image is burned on my brain. And now this last weekend when my daughter asked me if coffee causes you to gain weight -- I had to chuckle when she told me my ex-wife is really affected by the 50 lbs she has gained (she used to be super thin). I'm sure it doesn't help whenever she has to see me and the 250 lbs I've now lost. While it ultimately doesn't matter to me these days, it is a bit of a delicious delight.

4. Behavioral Control. There isn't a lot we control in this life other than our behaviors and reactions. Not having control over what I ate, or rather having my body win the battle over my mind in regards to eating and not being able to change that no matter how hard I fought, was one of the most frustrating aspects of my life. That has all changed now. Recently I gained 9 lbs (from 223 lbs to 232 lbs). 230 is my scary weight -- when I start getting concerned. No problem!! I just focused on my water and everything I was eating. I wasn't perfect but I improved a lot and now I'm back to 224 lbs. Yay! Pre-surgery, no way that happens. Post-surgery? Easy!

5. Size does Matter. Oh yes it does. Now I can go to Ballet West, the Capitol Theater, Lagoon, Disneyland, Kingsbury Hall, Energy Solutions Arena, the Venue, etc. because I FIT IN THE SEATS!!!!!!! This also holds true for airplanes (my new job allows me to travel -- I wouldn't have been able to take it before as I couldn't have flown). I've been able to share a lot of things with my daughter, make plans with my daughter, and travel like I've always wanted to -- all because my size is now normal and not 2-3 times bigger.

Oh. And one last thing. Ask yourself this. What was your reason for taking control of your life, having the surgery, and losing the weight? Keep that reason in your head at all times!!!! It's important. It's easy to say you did it for yourself. That's the politically correct thing to say. But let's be honest, that's not the only reason you did it. Here are my reasons:

(1) Because I wanted to improve my health, be happier, and have the life I always dreamed about;
(2) Because I wanted to be the kind of dad for my daughter that I couldn't be with an extra 250 lbs packed onto my body;
(3) Because my failed marriage taught me that I was never going to have the type of relationship I wanted unless I did something.

And now that I've done it. Now that I've lost 250 lbs, you might ask how has that changed how I view those three things.

(1) My blood pressure is better than anyone else at my work. Well within the normal range. My cholesterol is a beautiful thing. I'm healthy, healthy, healthy. And I can feel it. My life is quickly becoming everything I always wanted it to be. I just wish I had done this a long time before I did. At least 8 years before I did. Actually I think if I would have had the surgery 19 years before I did, my life would most certainly have spun off in a different direction. Who knows though if that would have been better or not. I can't know so I just enjoy where I am now. But that would have been interesting, for sure.

(2) I love being able to take my daughter to plays, to amusement parks, hiking/camping, and planning trips with her. I can now be the type of dad I have always wanted to be. It does suck a bit that I only get her 40-45% of the time. I miss her sounds and presence when she's not around. I love hearing her singing and dancing in her room, the "thumps" from upstairs, or the "daddy?!" when she has questions. But that's always the downside to divorce. At least my time with her now is of a high quality. We're always out doing something. This summer I'm going to get her into exercise and that will be yet another thing we can share.

(3) Ah, this is a big one. My ex-wife has a lot of qualities that I still admire to this day but how she was when we met... I never would have had a relationship with her if I'd been healthy. I didn't feel I was going to meet anyone better where I was weight-wise and so I ignored a lot of red flags. Now that I'm dating, I'm finding that I have the ability to make wise choices that aren't based around "what if I never find someone else?" This area is one of the more exciting to me. My self-esteem and self-confidence levels are at an all time high and continuing to increase with every day.

I'm absolutely giddy about where things are headed. I love my job, I'm highly thought of by the C level management at my company, the dating pool is amazingly large, I'm able to enjoy every minute of time with my daughter... things are good. So assuming I don't get hit by a bus tomorrow, I'm looking forward to every minute of every day for the next few decades. So all in all, the weight loss has exceeded every dream that I had of how it would be like if I lost the weight.

Who wants to tell me how to put in a ticker here on Obesityhelp.com?