Rocky Mountain Associated Physicians (RMAP) Patients

The Effects of Weight Loss

  I was just about to log off my blog when something popped into my head that I wanted to share. What are the biggest changes in my life due to my weight loss? I mean surely weight loss alone can't make my life different, can it? I wanted to take a moment to explore that in my mind and as I do so, I want to capture my thoughts on it for you. Yes, I'm just going to ramble. So consider yourself forewarned *smiles*

1. Movement. I always knew that I'd be able to move better if I lost weight. It wouldn't be as hard to get up off the couch and I wouldn't have to fight to maintain my balance or to push up each stair as I go up them. But I NEVER anticipated the change here. I exalt in the feeling of my muscles now as I move. I want to get out and move. I run up stairs now not for exercise but because I can and it feels GOOD to do so. I park way out in the parking lot at stores because I LOVE to feel my thigh muscles as I stretch them out and walk. This summer will see me at the local high school stadium a lot stretching out and yes, even running. HUGE difference.

2. Reactions. As much as I always wanted to believe there were people out there who treated me as a person despite my weight, I now know for sure what I always suspected... that's not true. Even my best friends treat me different now than they used to -- though they do argue that's not the case. It's even a bigger change with those who are somewhat biased against large people (whether they know it or not). I was almost invisible to them and treated much like you would treat garbage (if you treated garbage in a certain way). Suddenly I am the focus of attention just by walking down the hall at work or the grocery store and flirtations come my way almost every day from all ages. It's fun but it has really surprised me.

3. Past Relationships. I'll be the first one to admit that running across my ex-mother-in-law for Halloween 2007 (six months after surgery), when I was walking to my daughter's Halloween parade at her school was one of my best post-surgery moments. She stopped to cross the street, looked back at me and when she noticed how much weight I'd lost, her jaw literally dropped open. That image is burned on my brain. And now this last weekend when my daughter asked me if coffee causes you to gain weight -- I had to chuckle when she told me my ex-wife is really affected by the 50 lbs she has gained (she used to be super thin). I'm sure it doesn't help whenever she has to see me and the 250 lbs I've now lost. While it ultimately doesn't matter to me these days, it is a bit of a delicious delight.

4. Behavioral Control. There isn't a lot we control in this life other than our behaviors and reactions. Not having control over what I ate, or rather having my body win the battle over my mind in regards to eating and not being able to change that no matter how hard I fought, was one of the most frustrating aspects of my life. That has all changed now. Recently I gained 9 lbs (from 223 lbs to 232 lbs). 230 is my scary weight -- when I start getting concerned. No problem!! I just focused on my water and everything I was eating. I wasn't perfect but I improved a lot and now I'm back to 224 lbs. Yay! Pre-surgery, no way that happens. Post-surgery? Easy!

5. Size does Matter. Oh yes it does. Now I can go to Ballet West, the Capitol Theater, Lagoon, Disneyland, Kingsbury Hall, Energy Solutions Arena, the Venue, etc. because I FIT IN THE SEATS!!!!!!! This also holds true for airplanes (my new job allows me to travel -- I wouldn't have been able to take it before as I couldn't have flown). I've been able to share a lot of things with my daughter, make plans with my daughter, and travel like I've always wanted to -- all because my size is now normal and not 2-3 times bigger.

Oh. And one last thing. Ask yourself this. What was your reason for taking control of your life, having the surgery, and losing the weight? Keep that reason in your head at all times!!!! It's important. It's easy to say you did it for yourself. That's the politically correct thing to say. But let's be honest, that's not the only reason you did it. Here are my reasons:

(1) Because I wanted to improve my health, be happier, and have the life I always dreamed about;
(2) Because I wanted to be the kind of dad for my daughter that I couldn't be with an extra 250 lbs packed onto my body;
(3) Because my failed marriage taught me that I was never going to have the type of relationship I wanted unless I did something.

And now that I've done it. Now that I've lost 250 lbs, you might ask how has that changed how I view those three things.

(1) My blood pressure is better than anyone else at my work. Well within the normal range. My cholesterol is a beautiful thing. I'm healthy, healthy, healthy. And I can feel it. My life is quickly becoming everything I always wanted it to be. I just wish I had done this a long time before I did. At least 8 years before I did. Actually I think if I would have had the surgery 19 years before I did, my life would most certainly have spun off in a different direction. Who knows though if that would have been better or not. I can't know so I just enjoy where I am now. But that would have been interesting, for sure.

(2) I love being able to take my daughter to plays, to amusement parks, hiking/camping, and planning trips with her. I can now be the type of dad I have always wanted to be. It does suck a bit that I only get her 40-45% of the time. I miss her sounds and presence when she's not around. I love hearing her singing and dancing in her room, the "thumps" from upstairs, or the "daddy?!" when she has questions. But that's always the downside to divorce. At least my time with her now is of a high quality. We're always out doing something. This summer I'm going to get her into exercise and that will be yet another thing we can share.

(3) Ah, this is a big one. My ex-wife has a lot of qualities that I still admire to this day but how she was when we met... I never would have had a relationship with her if I'd been healthy. I didn't feel I was going to meet anyone better where I was weight-wise and so I ignored a lot of red flags. Now that I'm dating, I'm finding that I have the ability to make wise choices that aren't based around "what if I never find someone else?" This area is one of the more exciting to me. My self-esteem and self-confidence levels are at an all time high and continuing to increase with every day.

I'm absolutely giddy about where things are headed. I love my job, I'm highly thought of by the C level management at my company, the dating pool is amazingly large, I'm able to enjoy every minute of time with my daughter... things are good. So assuming I don't get hit by a bus tomorrow, I'm looking forward to every minute of every day for the next few decades. So all in all, the weight loss has exceeded every dream that I had of how it would be like if I lost the weight.

Plastic Surgery

  Again I have to apologize for taking time away from updates. I've been under the weather. Before surgery I never used to get sick. I have to think that was due to one (or all) of three things: (1) My body had a lot more food to use to keep my body healthy; (2) the extra food and the lack of malabsorption helped my body be able to fend off illness; (3) I was too heavy to do much so I didn't get out and around people who were sick much.

I know it wasn't JUST (3) because I caught my daughter's illness this time and I've always been around her when she was sick (before and after surgery). But the first two times I EVER got a bad case of the flu have been post-surgery. All I can say is "ick!" I feel icky.

Anyway, today I wanted to talk about where I am on this journey. I currently weight 224 lbs. I still can't believe that I'm 250 lbs lighter than I was on April 11, 2007. I still double take whenever I see myself in the mirror. I went in to see the plastic surgeon this past week to discuss removal of my excess skin from my thighs, abdomen, upper arms, back and chest. I've scheduled (within the next couple of months) the first surgery for this. It will include the upper arms, the thighs, and the abdomen. I'm both excited and a bit anxious about this surgery. With any luck by June I'll be loving life.

But here's what I wanted to talk about in regards to that surgery. The timeline for this type of plastic surgery is much the same as it was for gastric bypass. You have to walk a lot after the surgery to avoid blood clots, 5-6 weeks and your surgeon's clearance before you start heavy exercise, and overall it takes about 18 months for 100% recovery -- scars looking their best, skin reattached perfectly, nerves regenerated, etc. So I'm going into it looking at it like 2009 is my plastic surgery year and 2011 is the year when my entire journey will be completely, 100% behind me. I'll be living my life long before 2011 (I already am) but I'm looking forward to the little improvements this is going to make for me with my exercise, etc.

By the way, if you want a plastic surgeon reference, try Dr. Scott Haupt. You can google him. I think he's amazing -- he spends an inordinate amount of time (both he and his patient coordinator Sheri) answering your questions and making sure that you have all your questions answered. If you elect to see him for a free consultation, please let him know you were referred by me.

Anyway, wish me luck.

Sean

Just wanted to share the email I sent to Meredith this morning:

Meredith. I appreciate the time you took to respond initially to me on February 6, 2009.  I also appreciate the offer of resolving the minor issue that existed between myself and Carly.  As stated, I have nothing against Carly or RMAP.  However, though I accepted your offer and have done my part (not saying anything that could be considered even slightly negative regarding Carly or RMAP), it appears the issue has not been resolved (or let go) from the RMAP side.

I have a big need to give back and share my 250 lbs loss with others who are contemplating or just beginning the journey.  My blog, the RMAP facebook group and obesityhelp.com has allowed me to reach out to many former RMAP patients who were negatively affected by my ban from the RMAP board and a few others but my intention at reaching out to you initially (as I stated) was to increase my ability to give back, to share with others everything I have learned and help them be as successful as I have been.

Since RMAP has made it obvious they have no need/desire to make use of me and my experiences to help their current and future patients, I have reached out to Dr. Cottam and his weight loss group.  As the other center of excellence here in Utah, I will be able to give back to their large patient group.  This was a hard decision for me as my mother has a huge connection to RMAP surgeons (Dr. Smith, Dr. Halverson) as well as with Paula.  I will always hold a soft spot for RMAP but life's too short to push for something RMAP obviously doesn't want.

Thanks for your time.  And I do wish you and RMAP all the best.

Sean

Review: Rocky Mountain Associated Physicians and Surgical Weight Loss Center of Utah

  Okay, so as stated before, I wrote Meredith to ask what the deal was with Rocky Mountain Associated Physicians (RMAP). I was going to post her response on here but it went to my spam folder and for some reason yahoo deleted it. I can't find it any longer. However, it basically stated that my response to her was aggressive and confrontational and so RMAP decided not to respond to me and to move on.

I posted the entire email exchange here in my blog. As you have read, all I did was to express my disappointment in her bias and to express my perspective since I was basically being told that I was this horrid person. I stated in that same email, over and over again, that I held no negative feelings towards RMAP or Carly and expressed my desire to resolve the situation.

Apparently, Meredith didn't like me giving my perspective. So it's okay for them to tell me how evil and inappropriate I am but I'm not allowed to have my own views. I'm supposed to let them tell me every little thing they don't like about me but I'm not afforded the same freedom -- lest I be banned. Hmmmmm. Well, I'm sorry. I made the effort to make nice with RMAP but this is indicitive of what they do. This is why their surgeons are great but the rest of their practice sucks.

So I'll say it here. I won't recommend RMAP to anyone. The surgeons are top notch but the $500 educational fee is a joke, the education part of their practice is a joke and the fact that they ban patients rather than deal with someone like Carly (I've heard from 12 of you to date -- thank you for relaying your negative experiences with her) they turn a blind eye.

I don't ever regret the surgery. I never will. But if I had to do it again, even knowing Dr. Smith the way I do, I would be hard pressed wanting to have the surgery with RMAP. Especially knowing that Dr. Cottam and his group is a Center of Excellence that is actually thought of in a better light than RMAP.

So if you're thinking of bariatric surgery, my recommendation is to go to the Surgical Weight Loss Center of Utah. Dr. Cottam and his group will treat you much better than RMAP and the surgeons there are also top notch. The number to the Surgical Weight Loss Center of Utah is 801.746.2885. Trust me, the surgeons there are the equal of those at Rocky Mountain Associated Physicians but the overall customer care experience is much greater at Surgical Weight Loss Center of Utah and you'll want that. I promise.

Email me if you have any questions.

Sean

Meredith's Phone Call

  Meredith (RMAP Director of Education) called me this afternoon. We had an interesting phone conversation. Meredith is nice but nothing has changed in her stance or the stance of Rocky Mountain Associated Physician. A quick review:

RMAP believes that I slandered Carly. They state that it is okay to have freedom of expression on their board but apparently when you have that freedom of expression and actually name one of their employees, that's not okay. Nevermind that the post was not a personal attack, but rather me just relating an example where I was frustrated with the customer service of RMAP (like those who had been talking in the forum). I specifically stated in that post (at the end) that I thought highly of RMAP but hoped they would get better at customer service. There was no slander about it. As stated before, here's the definition of slander:

"a malicious, false, and defamatory statement or report: a slander against his good name."

The key here is "false." To be slander, it has to be false. I posted a true story and related my feelings to what happened. Meredith believes that could have been handled behind the scenes. Could it have been? I don't know. Who would I have talked to about it. I can't talk about it now as everyone at RMAP believes Carly's version of the story and certainly don't appear to give any weight to my version. To this date I have never heard one person say "I understand that you just wanted to know if Dr. Smith needed to see you based on his statement 'check back with me in six months.' I understand that you didn't need or really want an appointment unless Dr. Smith determined he really wanted to see you. I apologize that Dr. Smith wasn't consulted as to whether he needed to see you." No. All I continue to get is "Carly was just trying to tell you that you needed to make an appointment to see Dr. Smith." I know. That wasn't what I was asking her then and it's still not what I'm asking (nor is it the story I continue to tell). *sigh*

Anyway, Meredith believes in the above. That's fine. I believe things should be taken in proper context and this totally wasn't. Anyway, Meredith states that an email was sent to me saying that to be reinstated to the board, I would have to write a letter of apology to the surgeons. You have got to be kidding me!! An apology for what? For relating a true happening and openly hoping that it wouldn't happen again?

Okay. So I told Meredith that if she wanted a letter of apology that I would be willing to write one BUT Carly needed to provide me with one as well. Well, let's just say that's not going to happen. Meredith wants RMAP's apology for the incident to be her phone call to me. Okay, well then my apology should be able to be had over the phone as well. You want it in writing, I want one in writing. After all, I didn't create this situation myself -- in fact, I was trying to help when I wrote my post. I certainly didn't expect someone to decide it was a personal attack.

It became obvious on the phone call that Meredith and I weren't going to cover any ground that we hadn't already covered in email. Meredith and RMAP are unwilling to admit that they did anything wrong in regards to this incident. Meredith said that she did not call me evil. This is true. She didn't. But she and Carly make me feel like a criminal and she is trying to mete out some type of punishment in order to make it all better.

So what it comes down to is this: I basically admit that the entire incident is my fault and write a letter of apology to the RMAP surgeons and I can be reinstated to the message boards. Ummm... am I the only one who sees a problem here? By the way, I still find the whole issue of "resolution" to be interesting. So in our email exchanges before, I was told that Meredith's offer to resolve the situation was that I stop posting negative things about Carly. I have NOTHING against Carly. I never did. I actually think Carly is nice though I wish she had taken the time to listen to what I was saying. But how is it a resolution, as Meredith stated on the phone, that if I stop saying negative things about Carly that RMAP will move on and forget the incident? Hmmm. I don't know about you but to me resolution means that when I carry out my side, then the ban is removed. At least that was the assumption I made.

And I thought I was clear but apparently I wasn't. My entire reason for contacting Meredith was to rectify this situation and get things back to where they were. Why? Because of all the wonderful RMAP patients *****ached out to me via email and my blog. Those *****ached out to me on obesityhelp.com, those who have my cell phone and call me for advice. And those who have formed a help group on Facebook. I love being able to help all of them with personal experiences, things I've learned, etc. RMAP's message board was an easy way to do that. Why else would I reach out?

Anyway, like I said, I believe Meredith's goal was admirable but if RMAP isn't willing to admit to any kind of wrong doing here, then I'm not interested. If Carly wants to deliver a personal apology to me, I am more than willing to deliver a personal apology to everyone within RMAP. If they want me to stop writing about the incident and let bygones be bygones and put things back how they were before the incident, I'm good with that too. But to ask me to say I was the only person who did anything wrong is ridiculous and it isn't going to happen. Because it's not true. My intent with the offending post was not malicious, it was not slanderous, and it was not even detrimental to RMAP. What has been done to me, however...

Anyway, Meredith stated that Ray, the office manager will call me since her and I can't seem to find middle ground. I hope he does but somehow I think he won't. We'll see. Stay tuned. I would like to work this out but I'm not willing to sell my soul for it.

Sean

Food Labels

  So here's something new I recently learned:

Because I have made a conscious decision to learn how many carbs, proteins, sugars, fats, calories and dietary fiber is in everything I eat, looking at labels now helps me get past cravings. For example, the other day I was at the store. Before check out, I noticed I was hungry. In fact, I was starving. At the check stand I almost bought potato chips or some candy. It was obvious to me that my blood sugar level was low. I almost bought several different things. Why didn't I? I'd like to say it's because my will power is so strong but that's not it.

I didn't buy them because after each one I picked up, I read the label. When I realized the serving size and how many calories, carbs, sugars, fat were in them, I found myself thinking that if I ate that one thing, it would throw my entire day off. That thought process had me putting the items back and instead thinking of what I could eat -- and it ended up being a lot better for me.

So don't buy into it when you hear people tell you that they don't want or need to pay that close attention to those things. It does help. Perhaps not today but you never know when down the road it will help. A mental food journal or a written one. If you don't do it already, start today.

Sean

RMAP: Ray Wilde

  I meant to post this earlier but I haven't had time yet. Last week I talked to Ray Wilde, the office manager for Rocky Mountain Associated Physicians about the issue that occurred between Carly and myself. I'm pretty sure I already posted about it. At the end part of the week, I followed that up with an email to him (per his request) outlining my perspective on the entire situation. He was supposed to get back to me by yesterday and I haven't heard from him yet but I am still hopeful. I would like to continue working with RMAP and I remain in disbelief that by relating what I thought was a small negative experience snowballed into me being banned from the message boards and into something that now involves Meredith and Ray. I never thought telling a story could have such an impact.

Anyway, two days ago a friend of mine (RMAP patient) started experiencing strong pain in her rib area. Yesterday she called RMAP and talked to Carly. Carly contacted Dr. Smith and Dr. Smith talked to her and she ended up going to the hospital where they operated and fixed the problem (I won't get too detailed because that's her story to tell). Anyway, as she related this story to me, I thought about what I would do if in the same position. Due to this situation, I don't know whereas I would be comfortable calling RMAP which irritates me. It irritates me because I had no malicious intent at relating my negative experience. I didn't even think it was that much of a negative experience. It was just relevant to the conversation going on in the forum at the time and fit the topic of the post which was saying that the one area RMAP could improve in was customer service. I stated in that post, however, how great I think RMAP is.

Oh well. Hopefully I'll hear from Ray and this issue can become a thing of the past. It would be nice to feel again like if something were to go wrong I could feel comfortable in calling RMAP.

Sean

Plastic Surgery

  I'm getting excited about my upcoming plastic surgery with Dr. Scott Haupt. I'm going to have to stage this into two separate operations but the first is going to be the most extensive and do, in a way, the more exciting of the two. This first one will remove the excess skin from my upper arms, thighs and abdomen. Yay!!!!

I'm so excited that I can't even explain it. I can't wait until I can come back and leave a post tell you all about it and how I feel about having a flat stomach (without excess skin) for the first time ever).

Stay tuned!

Update

  Okay for those of you who have been asking me what's going on with everything, here's a big update:

1. No, I still haven't heard back from Ray Wilde, the office manager over at Rocky Mountain Associated Physicians. I haven't lost hope yet but at this point we are a couple days past when I was supposed to hear from him.

2. My plastic surgery is coming up in about 5 weeks. I'm a little nervous about it only because I keep thinking... what if I made a mistake with the surgeon I chose? I don't think I did ... I'm thinking it's just normal jitters.

3. I had my back molar worked on back on Tuesday and I'm wearing a temporary crown for the next 3 weeks. This means I can't eat anything hard to chew (i.e., beef jerky, nuts) or anything sticky (i.e., gum, chewy candy). So far this has proven to be a bonus. Who knows, in 3 weeks, I could lose another 5 or so pounds. *lol*

4. I bought a mountain bike from REI. As a REI member, I was able to use my 20% off dividend (only for the Navarro bikes) and get one for a really good price. I've been out biking with my daughter a few times already and I'm hoping the weather will hurry up and warm up so we can go more often. It's amazing how much I like going out in public now. I don't feel all self-conscious biking along the edge of the road now whereas before I hated even walking on the side of the road because I could have sworn everyone looked at me because of my size.

Other than that, all is well. Life continues to progress and get better with every day. Thank you everyone for keeping in touch and being such a great support system for me. I appreciate every one of you.

Sean

Testing out my ticker.  Hopefully this will work.