Ramblings of a 4-yr post op ** cross post***
This is a little about what has been going on in Phyllis' world this year...I guess somewhat when and what has caused me on the spiral going DOWNHILL !! :( 
I'm NOT trying to make up excuses - it is what it is.....and I've allowed it....
On October 17, 2011 I will be celebrating my 4 yr surgiversary – It is a bitter sweet moment. I don’t regret for one moment on the decision of having this surgery and wished I COULD do it all over again and/or start over...I would read Dr. Connie's book Eat it Up first and then really work on good habits (not just to impress the powers to be approved to have this surgery) I really wished I would have gotten into better habits - like excercising during tv time....etc....
I’m failing – I’m feeling like a failure and very unworthy of everything and everyone’s love and its playing a huge part in finding someone special too I believe. I have been so focused on “looking" for a relationship this year that I have NOT spent the time on me or what I should be doing. Yeah yeah – my home life sucks too – but it is NOT as bad as it sounds. My brother comes and goes and does what he needs to and so does Amanda. There are many many other people out there with much more difficult life problems that I ever dreamed of having. I have no one to blame but myself for the total of 50 lb gain in the past 2 yrs or so. It started with my bicycle accident last summer and things this year (later explained in this) I started my journey at 350+ - consult weight of 338 – surgery morning 319 and got down to 199. I’m now back bouncing between 240-250. It sucks but I refuse to get above 250. I know what I need to do and I know that I am NOT excercising as I should be. I did NOT get into great habits during my honeymoon phase that I should have when I had that time to slide that scale down ……now…..I"m really struggling and have no one to blame (and I don’t blame anyone else) but myself. Everyone on here has been GREAT !! Support, kicks in the ass when I need them and whatever else I need and/or needed. I’ve pondered the thought of getting back into therapy, but I don’t know that that helped me when I was doing it. It was geared towards Amanda and my relationship - NOT with my relationship of food and myself. She was quite a distance away and made time for me whenever she could - I didn’t feel that I really had a “set" time to see her weekly – and those visits stopped sept of LAST year..
I NEED YOU ALL I NEED HELP – BUT I DON’T’ KNOW WHAT KIND OF HELP.
I DON’T HAVE A FREAAKIN’ CLUE WHERE TO START,
SO I WILL BE CALLING THE EAP OVER THE WEEKEND TO SEE WHAT I CAN DO THERE… But I know what I do need to do about the WLS rules, etc….. GET BACK ON TRACK EXERCISE AND MOVE THE BODY !! A LOT. I’m living my life too much back around “food" eating this meal and wondering what I’m gonna have the next……….i don’t like that. I know that is our lifestyle - it is NOT the easy way out as many think in society - we always should and have to plan ahead...so we are always thinking about food and whats next on the menu.. I’ve gotten addicted to the computer, texting on the phone and FB, I'm on here off and on during the day, etc….too much technology is really making me lazy and so I’ve been trying to break myself away just to see if I can go without technology, but dang it - you all are my life , WLS is my life and you are my friends. Give or take som work friends and church friends..WLS Friends are my main support and all the friends that I really have.
I don’t socialize with co-workers except on special occassions. As you all know – I don’t go out much either.
So with all of this having been said – I’m trying to figure out what Phyllis needs. I thought that I needed and wanted a relationship with a guy, but I’m not happy with myself and until that happens – I won’t be comfortable being around guys in a relationship type of way. I thought that I found Mr. Right - “The Prince" earlier in the year only to be felt that I was squeezed in his life - he has no room for me in his life and I don’t see that changing anytime in the distant future and with that. I got hurt and I fell hard....I'm still trying to pick up the piece but what little self-esteem I had built up thru my weight loss journey - has gone away – I was left in a tailspin spiraling straight down from about Jan thru late August. When I look in the mirror - I hate me...what I look like and with the gain - it seems to have worsen. I was also diagnosed as in the beginning stages of pre-menopause – so with all of that at the same time……..I threw up my hands – put hands on hips and just have gave up……The scale biotch – didn’t ……she keeps on counting UP !! Yikes…I do NOT WANNA GO WHERE I CAME FROM – I do not want to be seeing 250+ near 400 ever again – besides – my wardrobe won’t allow it !! Today, I took a look at me in the mirror and “sideways" at that and said – OH MY !! I can’t breath in my clothes and they are too tight for comfort and yes – I want a quick fix – but it won’t happen at 4 yrs out. If Gina and many of you much much further out than me can do it I CAN TOO. But I’m gonna have to get really pissed off to do something about it !! And I’m about there……….I’M MAD AT ME..IN SO MANY WAYS………. I read Yvonne’s article in the most recent OH magazine and feeling like my “journey" is over at 4 yrs - it doesn’t have to be and can be just as important at 4 yrs post-op as it was on day 1 or on the surgiversary. As I typed this – I broke down – why ? I don’t know. I haven’t felt good for a few days. I don’t like myself in soooooooo many ways – but yet – try to I am trying to remain “positive" smile on the outside so that others around me don't really know but yet deep down inside -I am crying.
As one of our members says over and over : there is no “moderation"…I need to get out that scale and those measuring cups and do it that way cause MY EYES ARE MUCH BIGGER THAN MY STOMACH !! yech…….
Thanks for listening. I don't necessary need any feed back, butt kicking or anymore put downs and bashings... - Lord knows I'm kicking myself enough.
((((((((((Huggs))))))))))))
I'm NOT trying to make up excuses - it is what it is.....and I've allowed it....On October 17, 2011 I will be celebrating my 4 yr surgiversary – It is a bitter sweet moment. I don’t regret for one moment on the decision of having this surgery and wished I COULD do it all over again and/or start over...I would read Dr. Connie's book Eat it Up first and then really work on good habits (not just to impress the powers to be approved to have this surgery) I really wished I would have gotten into better habits - like excercising during tv time....etc....
I’m failing – I’m feeling like a failure and very unworthy of everything and everyone’s love and its playing a huge part in finding someone special too I believe. I have been so focused on “looking" for a relationship this year that I have NOT spent the time on me or what I should be doing. Yeah yeah – my home life sucks too – but it is NOT as bad as it sounds. My brother comes and goes and does what he needs to and so does Amanda. There are many many other people out there with much more difficult life problems that I ever dreamed of having. I have no one to blame but myself for the total of 50 lb gain in the past 2 yrs or so. It started with my bicycle accident last summer and things this year (later explained in this) I started my journey at 350+ - consult weight of 338 – surgery morning 319 and got down to 199. I’m now back bouncing between 240-250. It sucks but I refuse to get above 250. I know what I need to do and I know that I am NOT excercising as I should be. I did NOT get into great habits during my honeymoon phase that I should have when I had that time to slide that scale down ……now…..I"m really struggling and have no one to blame (and I don’t blame anyone else) but myself. Everyone on here has been GREAT !! Support, kicks in the ass when I need them and whatever else I need and/or needed. I’ve pondered the thought of getting back into therapy, but I don’t know that that helped me when I was doing it. It was geared towards Amanda and my relationship - NOT with my relationship of food and myself. She was quite a distance away and made time for me whenever she could - I didn’t feel that I really had a “set" time to see her weekly – and those visits stopped sept of LAST year..
I NEED YOU ALL I NEED HELP – BUT I DON’T’ KNOW WHAT KIND OF HELP.
I DON’T HAVE A FREAAKIN’ CLUE WHERE TO START,
SO I WILL BE CALLING THE EAP OVER THE WEEKEND TO SEE WHAT I CAN DO THERE… But I know what I do need to do about the WLS rules, etc….. GET BACK ON TRACK EXERCISE AND MOVE THE BODY !! A LOT. I’m living my life too much back around “food" eating this meal and wondering what I’m gonna have the next……….i don’t like that. I know that is our lifestyle - it is NOT the easy way out as many think in society - we always should and have to plan ahead...so we are always thinking about food and whats next on the menu.. I’ve gotten addicted to the computer, texting on the phone and FB, I'm on here off and on during the day, etc….too much technology is really making me lazy and so I’ve been trying to break myself away just to see if I can go without technology, but dang it - you all are my life , WLS is my life and you are my friends. Give or take som work friends and church friends..WLS Friends are my main support and all the friends that I really have.
I don’t socialize with co-workers except on special occassions. As you all know – I don’t go out much either.
So with all of this having been said – I’m trying to figure out what Phyllis needs. I thought that I needed and wanted a relationship with a guy, but I’m not happy with myself and until that happens – I won’t be comfortable being around guys in a relationship type of way. I thought that I found Mr. Right - “The Prince" earlier in the year only to be felt that I was squeezed in his life - he has no room for me in his life and I don’t see that changing anytime in the distant future and with that. I got hurt and I fell hard....I'm still trying to pick up the piece but what little self-esteem I had built up thru my weight loss journey - has gone away – I was left in a tailspin spiraling straight down from about Jan thru late August. When I look in the mirror - I hate me...what I look like and with the gain - it seems to have worsen. I was also diagnosed as in the beginning stages of pre-menopause – so with all of that at the same time……..I threw up my hands – put hands on hips and just have gave up……The scale biotch – didn’t ……she keeps on counting UP !! Yikes…I do NOT WANNA GO WHERE I CAME FROM – I do not want to be seeing 250+ near 400 ever again – besides – my wardrobe won’t allow it !! Today, I took a look at me in the mirror and “sideways" at that and said – OH MY !! I can’t breath in my clothes and they are too tight for comfort and yes – I want a quick fix – but it won’t happen at 4 yrs out. If Gina and many of you much much further out than me can do it I CAN TOO. But I’m gonna have to get really pissed off to do something about it !! And I’m about there……….I’M MAD AT ME..IN SO MANY WAYS………. I read Yvonne’s article in the most recent OH magazine and feeling like my “journey" is over at 4 yrs - it doesn’t have to be and can be just as important at 4 yrs post-op as it was on day 1 or on the surgiversary. As I typed this – I broke down – why ? I don’t know. I haven’t felt good for a few days. I don’t like myself in soooooooo many ways – but yet – try to I am trying to remain “positive" smile on the outside so that others around me don't really know but yet deep down inside -I am crying.
As one of our members says over and over : there is no “moderation"…I need to get out that scale and those measuring cups and do it that way cause MY EYES ARE MUCH BIGGER THAN MY STOMACH !! yech…….
Thanks for listening. I don't necessary need any feed back, butt kicking or anymore put downs and bashings... - Lord knows I'm kicking myself enough.
((((((((((Huggs))))))))))))
- Pease check out Dr. Connie Stapleton's Website. A lot of good information on there for all WLS patients regardless of the surgery you chose. Good luck to all and I'm here for you if you want to send me an email. I'll answer it as soon as possible.
- Total Lost: 139 lbs
- Current Weight: 263
- As of 11-10-13 I have had weight gain. Not happy about that.
- RNY: 10-16-07 = 338: Highest weight: 350+ Lowest Weight: 199
Phyllis...I LOVE YOU GIRL and I am sending you LOTS AND LOTS OF HUGS !!! No....you are beating yourself up enough. I feel the same as you do at times. Not fun at all. Just remember....NONE OF US ARE PERFECT !!!! NONE OF US !!! I believe in YOU !!! I know you will never get back to 350 !!!! Get those measureing cups out. Eat no more than 3/4 cup at a meal and eat 5 to 6 small meals a day. Get out of the workplace at breaks.....lunch hour etc and walk around and admire the beauty of the outside that God created for us to enjoy. Get your focus off food for a while and just relax. Try to make good healthy choices....high in protein and low in carbs. I feel that if you make good food choices and walk ( begin with that ) and do it daily ....several times.....that you will see and feel a whole lot better about your self and you'll see that scale move downward. Pre menopause is NO fun at all. Been there and done that too. I love you and you KNOW you can CALL ME ANYTIME !!! I am here for you my friend.
Hugs and blessings ~~~ Vivian
Hugs and blessings ~~~ Vivian
GOD GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CAN NOT CHANGE; COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS THAT I CAN; AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE !!!! THIS IS MY DAILY PRAYER.
Vivian Prouty Obesity Help Support Group Coach "LOSE IT 4 LIFE"
{{{ HUGS }}}
Phyllis, the only advice I can give you is what works for me. I am a little over 3 years out and my weight fluctuates between 151-154 and I have had less than a 10-lb bounceback *knocks on wood*
I was sitting at a Mexican restaurant yesterday and watched my husband down 2 full glasses of water and mine was still full to the rim even with eating salsa. It is such an ingrained habit with me. These are the things I do:
1. I do not drink with my meals.
2. Protein first - always. Carbs are a treat like others have dessert (i.e. small quantity, not every meal). And I do not mean sweet carbs - just bread-stuff. I eat carbs but only after I have had some protein to fill me up.
3. Don't snack on carbs unless you have some protein to go with it. I could probably eat half a box of crackers if I let myself - but not if I was eating peanut butter or cheese with them.
4. Exercise. You do not have to be a gym rat - the weather is nice now so get out and walk.
Go back to measuring and tracking everything you eat with a notebook or online program - you are most definitely eating a lot more than you think. Do this until it becomes habit and you will know when that is. Don't expect overnight results or get discouraged if your body hangs onto the extra pounds in spite of what you are doing. Keep focused on your routine and it WILL come off.
You can do this!
Phyllis, the only advice I can give you is what works for me. I am a little over 3 years out and my weight fluctuates between 151-154 and I have had less than a 10-lb bounceback *knocks on wood*
I was sitting at a Mexican restaurant yesterday and watched my husband down 2 full glasses of water and mine was still full to the rim even with eating salsa. It is such an ingrained habit with me. These are the things I do:
1. I do not drink with my meals.
2. Protein first - always. Carbs are a treat like others have dessert (i.e. small quantity, not every meal). And I do not mean sweet carbs - just bread-stuff. I eat carbs but only after I have had some protein to fill me up.
3. Don't snack on carbs unless you have some protein to go with it. I could probably eat half a box of crackers if I let myself - but not if I was eating peanut butter or cheese with them.
4. Exercise. You do not have to be a gym rat - the weather is nice now so get out and walk.
Go back to measuring and tracking everything you eat with a notebook or online program - you are most definitely eating a lot more than you think. Do this until it becomes habit and you will know when that is. Don't expect overnight results or get discouraged if your body hangs onto the extra pounds in spite of what you are doing. Keep focused on your routine and it WILL come off.
You can do this!
Well CRAP !! I had something all typed out and my explorer reset it self ! grrrr
Thanks Sarah........Thank Vivian...........My biggest struggle is my self esteem - lack of it and it has just really crept up and taken over in so many ways.....:(
I just need to first and foremost......remember that I have to like myself....
Ive only gained 50 lbs...give or take....maybe less - I'm afraid to weigh - but I will in the morning.
Its only 50 and at least I haven't gained the whole entire 139 that I lost and made me feel worthy.
A gym rat I will never be. I have been really looking for something to do that I will enjoy doing so that I'll continue. I am so afraid of falling again....stationary bike - boring......walking....boring - even with my mp3.......i'm sick of what I have on there....gotta revamp it ! lol
I"m trying to find something on the weekends to get involved with - something that I can look forward to doing after work since I don't have "life". hehehehe
Winter creeping back in - I'll be getting more involved with crocheting, crafts, etc...hopefully.
as for FOOD: I don't even buy the crackers or stuff like that to keep in the house. When I have the stuff like that in the house I eat on it until its gone (not at one sitting) but daily....
Hopefully this week I will start to do better.....one day at a time..:
Thanks Sarah........Thank Vivian...........My biggest struggle is my self esteem - lack of it and it has just really crept up and taken over in so many ways.....:(
I just need to first and foremost......remember that I have to like myself....
Ive only gained 50 lbs...give or take....maybe less - I'm afraid to weigh - but I will in the morning.
Its only 50 and at least I haven't gained the whole entire 139 that I lost and made me feel worthy.
A gym rat I will never be. I have been really looking for something to do that I will enjoy doing so that I'll continue. I am so afraid of falling again....stationary bike - boring......walking....boring - even with my mp3.......i'm sick of what I have on there....gotta revamp it ! lol
I"m trying to find something on the weekends to get involved with - something that I can look forward to doing after work since I don't have "life". hehehehe
Winter creeping back in - I'll be getting more involved with crocheting, crafts, etc...hopefully.
as for FOOD: I don't even buy the crackers or stuff like that to keep in the house. When I have the stuff like that in the house I eat on it until its gone (not at one sitting) but daily....
Hopefully this week I will start to do better.....one day at a time..:
- Pease check out Dr. Connie Stapleton's Website. A lot of good information on there for all WLS patients regardless of the surgery you chose. Good luck to all and I'm here for you if you want to send me an email. I'll answer it as soon as possible.
- Total Lost: 139 lbs
- Current Weight: 263
- As of 11-10-13 I have had weight gain. Not happy about that.
- RNY: 10-16-07 = 338: Highest weight: 350+ Lowest Weight: 199
Phyllis;
I understand that you're in a low place right now, but the number on the scale does not make any of us worthy. You need to start seeing a counselor again and focusing on finding resolution for your issues.
Sarah is absolutely right, you do not have to be a gym rat to start taking off the weight and become healthier. My doctor in San Antonio's mantras about exercise were:
1. No pain, no pain. i.e. Exercise does not have to hurt to be effective.
2. The habit is the most important thing. Start with 10-15 minutes a day with a goal of building to at least 30 minutes/day. Or pick a number of minutes for the week and tick away at them until you've met your goal.
Technology can be your friend in helping you track your food and exercise. Use one of the free tools available to you.
Realize, I am not being judgmental. I came from a place where I couldn't peel myself off of the floor of my house, would lie there crying all day and pray that no one rang the doorbell because I didn't want anyone to know I was alive in there. There are good counselors out there who can help you find coping mechanisms other than food. EAP should be able to point you in the right direction. Please get help, because in all reality, the number on the scale is no more important than your shoe size. They're all just numbers.
Make the next twelve months the Year of Phyllis.
I understand that you're in a low place right now, but the number on the scale does not make any of us worthy. You need to start seeing a counselor again and focusing on finding resolution for your issues.
Sarah is absolutely right, you do not have to be a gym rat to start taking off the weight and become healthier. My doctor in San Antonio's mantras about exercise were:
1. No pain, no pain. i.e. Exercise does not have to hurt to be effective.
2. The habit is the most important thing. Start with 10-15 minutes a day with a goal of building to at least 30 minutes/day. Or pick a number of minutes for the week and tick away at them until you've met your goal.
Technology can be your friend in helping you track your food and exercise. Use one of the free tools available to you.
Realize, I am not being judgmental. I came from a place where I couldn't peel myself off of the floor of my house, would lie there crying all day and pray that no one rang the doorbell because I didn't want anyone to know I was alive in there. There are good counselors out there who can help you find coping mechanisms other than food. EAP should be able to point you in the right direction. Please get help, because in all reality, the number on the scale is no more important than your shoe size. They're all just numbers.
Make the next twelve months the Year of Phyllis.
Blessings, Jennifer
253 / 140 (below goal)
If I were lying, wouldn't my pants be on fire?!?
253 / 140 (below goal)
If I were lying, wouldn't my pants be on fire?!?
Thank you Jenn!!
- Pease check out Dr. Connie Stapleton's Website. A lot of good information on there for all WLS patients regardless of the surgery you chose. Good luck to all and I'm here for you if you want to send me an email. I'll answer it as soon as possible.
- Total Lost: 139 lbs
- Current Weight: 263
- As of 11-10-13 I have had weight gain. Not happy about that.
- RNY: 10-16-07 = 338: Highest weight: 350+ Lowest Weight: 199
Counseling is a good first step. You have to work on your self-esteem first. Only you can find the inner peace you deserve to feel.
Basics is the next thing, follow the rules you were given, be accountable every day to yourself. You cam do this, you MUST believe that you can and that you deserve it.
It won't come off as quickly as before bit It will with determination and the desire to win.
Good luck! Sounds to me like you should consult a doctor about anti depressants possibly too. Consider this as an option.
Basics is the next thing, follow the rules you were given, be accountable every day to yourself. You cam do this, you MUST believe that you can and that you deserve it.
It won't come off as quickly as before bit It will with determination and the desire to win.
Good luck! Sounds to me like you should consult a doctor about anti depressants possibly too. Consider this as an option.
Proximal RNY Lap - 02/21/05
9 years committed ~ 100% EWL and Maintaining
www.dazzlinglashesandbeyond.com
Thanks Dana !!
You are absolutly GORGEOUS !! YOU GO GIRL !!
I am on an anti-depressant......they changed it at the beginning of the year and that didn't help ....
Oh coupled with the Mr Prince, and the pre-menopaus, the knee injury last summer....some budgeting problems and my world spiraled down....and my weight crept upwards........I'm much better now and slowly getting back to where I was prior to Mr Prince coming and going and making me feel like a Princess for a time...........
I have to realize that I am STILL worth this journey........even at 4yrs out.
Now I'm working on me again !! I was soooooooooo concentrating on one thing - finding a Mr Right - that I have failed ME, but maybe God doesn't want me to be with anyone JUST YET !! :)
You are absolutly GORGEOUS !! YOU GO GIRL !!
I am on an anti-depressant......they changed it at the beginning of the year and that didn't help ....
Oh coupled with the Mr Prince, and the pre-menopaus, the knee injury last summer....some budgeting problems and my world spiraled down....and my weight crept upwards........I'm much better now and slowly getting back to where I was prior to Mr Prince coming and going and making me feel like a Princess for a time...........
I have to realize that I am STILL worth this journey........even at 4yrs out.
Now I'm working on me again !! I was soooooooooo concentrating on one thing - finding a Mr Right - that I have failed ME, but maybe God doesn't want me to be with anyone JUST YET !! :)
- Pease check out Dr. Connie Stapleton's Website. A lot of good information on there for all WLS patients regardless of the surgery you chose. Good luck to all and I'm here for you if you want to send me an email. I'll answer it as soon as possible.
- Total Lost: 139 lbs
- Current Weight: 263
- As of 11-10-13 I have had weight gain. Not happy about that.
- RNY: 10-16-07 = 338: Highest weight: 350+ Lowest Weight: 199
If Gina and many of you much much further out than me can do it I CAN TOO.
Well, since you put it THAT way I guess I HAVE to respond!! As you know, at about 4 yrs out I carried a 70 pound regain, after having reaching goal, in the first place-which put me at least 100 pounds AWAY from goal. How did I start? By doing many of the things Diane listed-but first I got MAD-and only at MYSELF, because I was the ONLY one to blame. I started logging (fitplate was good, but a little pen and paper note pad worked best for me). I was HONEST with my EVERYTHING I ate-something I had not been in a loong time.
For exercise I chose the "easy one"-walking-I joined a gym, but wouldn't go-but I WOULD walk. I started doing 5Ks, with my friends-they are cheap and mostly for charity. I enjoy collecting the bibs and shirts-and they gave me "time goals" to work toward". Will you be in town Thanksgiving? Corbin and I will be doing the anual " Turkey trot" 5K in west Ft Worth Thanksgiving morning. There is also one in Dallas. The White Rock half marathois Dec 4th. if you start NOW you could still train for that. Walking is wonderful, NON-BORING exercise. On "non-walking" days I do core training, fight the exercise ball and other non graceful stuff.
PHYLLIS-I've known you "since the beginning", and I KNOW you can do this!!! You've come to far to give up now!! Just PLEASE tell us how we can help!!! There is NO REASON to try to do tis alone!!!!!!
RNY 4-22-02...
LW: 6lb,10 oz SW:340lb GW:170lb CW:155
We Can Do Hard Things
Oh Gina !! It is because of YOU, YVONNE, DEBRA, RAMON, VIVIAN, GEORGE, MARY AND SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MANY OTHERS THAT I CAN'T NAME THEM ALL - THAT I CONTINUE TO STAY HERE......BECAUSE WLS FRIENDS ARE MY LIFE......WLS IS MY LIFE AND I SO LOVE EVERY ONE OF YOU !!!
THANK YOU
After reading Yvonne's article in the most recent OH Mag that I just received last week - I know that I can do this........I just need to recycle my stinkin' thinkin'.
I have co-workers that are backing me, friends and family that back me........no reason to NOT do this...........I just need to start with EXCERCISE AND MOVE MY BUTT !!!
- Pease check out Dr. Connie Stapleton's Website. A lot of good information on there for all WLS patients regardless of the surgery you chose. Good luck to all and I'm here for you if you want to send me an email. I'll answer it as soon as possible.
- Total Lost: 139 lbs
- Current Weight: 263
- As of 11-10-13 I have had weight gain. Not happy about that.
- RNY: 10-16-07 = 338: Highest weight: 350+ Lowest Weight: 199
Most Active
Recent Topics
