Serious Question...

Good Morning my fellow Texas Friends...

I have a serious question for you guys and gals, and if you would prefer to answer by PM... please do so! I am having some serious marital issues, to the point that we have been to counseling and I'm not thinking that this is fixable.

To begin, my husband is bi-polar... this is nothing new. I knew going into our relationship that we would face challenges but I was willing to support him as long as he was willing to be responsible for his decisions and actions.

My dilema is that now... since have my surgery, things have just seemed to hit the fan. I feel completely selfish for saying this but it feels like I have settled for someone who cannot love me in the way that I need to be loved. He openly admits that he just doesn't feel like he can love me enough or that he is always letting me down.

My belief is that if you TRULY love someone, then you will do whatever it takes to keep them in your life. I have tried so hard to do that for him, but he doesn't do that in return. Half the time, I am an invisable roommate in his world.

I have a hard time letting go because he does go to the dr weekly and is trying to find the right meds and he will go to counseling (which we have done so many times)... but it doesn't/hasn't changed anything...

SO MY QUESTION IS... how many of you were married when you had WLS and then got divorced? Are you happier now? Do you have regrets about your previous relationship?

Thanks for any response and SORRY for the long winded message!!!!

 Jess.....this question doesn't apply to me but I want you to know that you will be in my prayers as you face this difficult decision.    I know many divorce after WLS.... our spouses get jealous and sometimes cant handle things.    Good luck to you in your decision and in your future.


Hugs and blessings ~~~ Vivian

Thanks for the prayers, they are truly appreciated!

Jess,
not married, never have been. However, the general rule is, if  there were issues before WLS it will make it worse. If you had a strong marriage before, it will make it stronger.
The #1 side effect of WLS is divorce.

Now, it does take a long time to get the right meds, dosing etc blah blah when you have that disorder. Hang in a lil longer.. he hung in with you right?
Liz

I agree it does take a while, so far it has taken 2.5 years with no relief for him. I sometimes wonder if a pill will ever really help him. It's almost like he doesn't know how to live happy and not depressed.

He has hung in with me and that has truly made this all so hard. I am toughing it out. I just wonder if at some point, you finally decide that your happiness is important too?!? Ughhh...

Thanks for the response sugar britches!

ok 2.5 years is a bit much. Have yall considered inpatient treatment for him?

I have suggested it till I am blue in the face. His Dr. even told him it might help. I think it's a pride thing. He wants to do this with drugs and therapy, not go to the nut house. (sorry his words) but I asked him what is more important to him???

We are going to see the Dr again tonight... maybe something will give!

I wish I had some words of wisdom for you! Both my Dad and my brother are bi-polar so I do understand your pain. One thing I can doe is keep you in my prayers which I will do!
Meggie

Just the support from you guys means the world. I have no clue where this is headed but I know that with you guys around me, I will be okay no matter what!

I am one of the lucky ones.  My marriage is rock solid, and WLS has only made it better.  My heart hurts for you both as you struggle to make this next life altering decision.  You are both in my prayers, I hope you wont rush into any decision. 

Grace & Peace,

Jenn