Coming out of the woodwork... Need you!

I just read the post by Debra concering the old timer who had years of addiction to alcohol before and even after weight loss surgery who passed this weekend. I felt like I needed to reach out for help and accountability by the people who understand the transfer addictions more then most-- you here on the TMB.

I have been missing in posting and writing, struggling to keep the pressures of what everyone thinks WLS is.  They think its the quick fix and the fastest way to drop the lbs, but they do not realize how hard it is to manage even after the initial progress with the surgery itself. They do not understand that it is a tool and we still have to work on it. They do not understand that this consumes me addiction cycle of needing to be perfect.

I have lost focus on what it was to have had the wls and what it meant to me at the beginning, in fact the reasons why I had this surgery has changed from my initial reasoning of going through with it at the age of 25. I look back and think I did it to be "skinny" to have someone proud of me and to love me-- which were all negative messages and unrational thoughts, but that was my drive. Losing the weight never seems like it is enough, and like I am still not good enough. However, with that being said I am working on this and the reason why I actually had the surgery is to LIVE and to live a life that if full and meaningful.

Enough about the that... I am here for the accountability of working my tool and needing to do what is right for me-- me the person who had WLS not the person who I thought I needed or wanted to be... I need to remember that I have to eat and make healthy choices. There are days that I just do not eat thinking if I do not eat then I would be perfect, and etc.

That is why I am here today posting because I do not want to transfer one addiction for the other. I need to regain focus take my vitamins and eat! But healthy eating.

I need you guys to help me to USE my tool not lose focus that I have to actually work too.

 BRAVO JESSICA !!!!!    You are so right.  It is SO easy to loose focus of why we had our WLS.   Transfer addiction is something that IMHO happens to everyone.   As I said that is MY opinion.    We either transfer our addiction for food for shopping for new clothes, exercise, obsessing over the way our bodies look.....or drinking.      Most do transfer from what I observed from one thing to another.    Sometimes good and sometimes harmful habits.     We all struggle ( or most do anyway ) with the image that we see looking back at us when we look in the mirror.     We do need to stay focused on our goal which is to be healthier, happier people.    Good luck to you and you are NOT alone in your thinking !!!!


Hugs and blessings ~~~ Vivian

Vivian,

You are 100% correct in that we do transfer our addiction for food into another substance/behavior, per se. We do not cure the addict mind just change the behavior.  Thank you so much for being supportive and understanding in my thought process- which I am working on.

Jessia

 Jessica,

Thanks for the great post.  Just wanted you to know that you are not alone with this craziness.  I too have those exact same feelings.  THANK YOU for posting because now I know I'm not alone.

Hugs,
Lisa D. Mtz.

Lisa,

I apologize for just now responding to your reply to my post. You are definitely not alone in this craziness of pre and post WLS mindset. Unfortunately, many people (myself included) thought that this surgery would 'cure' the problem or help the self-image/esteem issues or the desire to be perfect syndrome. Again, I say MANY not ALL (do not want to be flamed). There are a handful of people who have this surgery with the right intensions of "being healthy" and that was one of my goals as well, but not my main focus- and that is where I have to work through the idea that body image or size equals self-worth or value- when it does not. However, society has some how managed to equalative weight/size with value/worth. I would like o post alot more and have more indepth conversations about our struggles and our victories, but often of times we do not want to bring to light the dark things because we are fearful that somehow it means that we are not doing something right. OR how could it be that we are losing weight and still fighting the same thought process? OR why does everyone think that because we have "shed" lbs and changed appearances (becoming smaller) that somehow we are a different person then who we were before surgery? There are so many things that we do not talk about on the boards and we stay away from what people consider "negative" to our surgeries-- truth is that dark will always come to light and it isn't until we discuss them that they will ever be address or fully understood!

Please know that you are not alone, and I know that I am not! Together we walk through this journey with others!

Jessica

Jessica this is a great post....I know we do trade one thing for another.... or we lose focus of the surgery....I know there are some who do everything they are suppose like Vivian said its her opinion just like everyone has an opinion....

I know for me I struggle with vitamins I hate taking meds.... but now I will need a b12 shot for life weekly because of the damage I did to myself...and yes I do have people *****mind me daily and text messages I get...

I know I had to let go of the support group but I know it is in good hands with Sean.... I was not being honest about the vitamins and there are still people that are in the group and have seen what I went through because of not taking vitamins and they are not taking theirs.... my memory is not good because of it....

Please keep in touch with people on the board or you can email me at [email protected] I do try and answer my emails daily.... the private messages on here take me a little longer....

Good luck and try and stay focused on why you had the surgery to get healthy...

Debra,

Thank you so much for replying to my post it meant alot to me. I apologize for just now responding it has been a busy week. I definitely will start to keep in touch with people on this board and others... At the beginning and throught out the past 2 years of my WLS journey I felt like I was not "good enough" or "worthy enough" yet to really reach out to the people on the TMB or any support group locally... It was like going to the gym for the first time, I would NOT go to the gym until I lost "X" amount of weight and that I wore a certain clothes size, ironically I avoided the place forever (the gym) that was going to help me reach my goal because I thought I did not fit in or that I did not belong... REALLY! Really, I think now... So, I am trying to branch out and reach out to those who know exactly what it is like. I always felt like my age kept me from fitting in with you all on the TMB that I was not experienced enough or knowledgable enough to everything. I realized that was my own self-sabatoging way of thinking and that those are irrational thoughts. But, like I have previously posted to Lisa's reply to the post that there are so many things that we need to discuss and work through as a population of people who have undergone the WLS and the struggles and rewards that we have had.

I appreciate everything you do for this board, Debra. I will definitely email you! 

Thanks!

vivian - i do not post, but i\i always read.  just want to say that you ROCK.  your are always looking  out for everyone else even though you have your own world to deal With, it makes me feel so good that we are all in this together.  thank you for all you do and ARE

I recommend doing a daily or weekly thread here or on the RNY board to help with your accountability.  If you really want support, you need to share at least a little bit of info with the groups to form connections.  Just coming here time to time, asking for help but not really sharing any information, and then disappearing is not going to help you build the relationships you seem to need.  If you do not already attend a bariatric support group, find one.  I love seeing and talking to my WLS peeps every month. 

I post here on the TMB every Mondays on the "Monday Morning Weigh-In" thread.  That helps me stay accountable.  There are other good daily ones here, too.  On the RNY board, there are the "What are you eating/doing today" threads that are also awesome.

Good luck to you!!

Laura

Hey Jessica!

I just wanted to say that it's so good to see you posting.  I remember you from "back in the day"...we had our surgeries about the same time.  I've been wondering how you were doing.

I know what you mean about needing to be accountable.  I should check in here more often too! Anyway, just good to see you here.  Hope to see you around more often.

Loralea