OT: I need help

Well, we've hit the part of recovery where going on seems insurmountable. Sigh. I knew it was coming but it doesn't make it easier to deal with.

Eric told me today that he doesn't think he can go any further with chemo. I don't blame him. This round has torn him to shreds. And who WOULD want to do more? It's an overwhelming prospect to be sure - finish up round three only to be blasted with round four of BEP at the end of this month and then 2 or more rounds of VeIP after that. This guy is being exfoliated from the inside out. And it's not only getting harder on him but on me. How the heck do I look him in the eye and tell him it's worth it when I don't know it is. I swear there will never be a worse thing I will live through in my entire life.

So, I need some serious help from my friends here. He HAS to know he has support from people besides me. He needs to garner strength from people who know and appreciate him and pull through for whatever else is coming his way. My plea is this. Would you PLEASE either add him to Facebook (his link is in my profile if you're my friend - I will add you to his profile myself) or e-mail him at [email protected] and just offer some words of encouragement to lift his spirits. I know he wouldn't choose death over life but he needs to hear it from someone other than me. Anything you can do to just let him know that the fight is worth it would be so appreciated. Please help me.

Thanks in advance.

Jenny

Jenny, this just breaks my heart for you that it's gotten so hard for you and Eric.  I know you want him to keep fighting and I don't blame you.  It has to be scary when you don't know what the future holds.  Keep up the fight with him.  It will be worth it no matter what happens because you will know that you never gave up.  Prayers for you and Eric.  I've been through the fight with family and it is hard, so very hard.

Karla

At least I was prepared for it, ya know? Only problem is when they're looking in your eyes and say they just can't do it anymore. Horrible. Just horrible.

Thanks for the prayers, sweet Karla. Thank you so very much.

Jenny - I will add him and e-mail him  - He is such a fighter. I know this must be so hard on both (no, all three) of you. I will keep you in my prayer and will try to provide Eric encouragement. Hang in there girl - We all love you Gaye

Thank you, Gaye!!! Thank you! Thank you!

Girl, hop over there and add me to his friends list real quick (and yours too lol)

Jenny, I don't even know how to respond to this.  All I want to do is wrap my arms around you while you cry your heart out.  I can't even begin to imagine the pain you both are in.  I guess if nothing else, remind him he HAS to continue the fight if only for the sake of his daughter and for you.  We need Gina, our hospise nurse will know exactly what we need to do and say to properly motivate him.

Thanks Steph. You know what it feels like? Like I have a noose around my neck that just tightens and tightens until I can't breathe and then WHOO**** lets go again. HOW am I supposed to look him in the eye and tell him it's going to be ok? I can't even begin to imagine what he feels. Or where his brain goes when his fingers start tingling and he feels so nauseous his stomach is going to turn inside out. I haven't experienced any of that. And then the WHAT IF of it not curing him? You try not to let your brain go there but it's hard not to have this itty bitty shred of doubt wondering if all of this will be for nothing. God - I just can't go on any further. It's just too painful. The real question you start to wonder is HOW FAR are you really willing to go before you can't go any further? And how far is a loved one going to push you until they just accept your decision and be at peace with it. What an unbearable weight I never thought I'd have to carry.

Thanks for your unending support. It's greatly appreciated. It's always darkest before the dawn. I just have to remember that.

Jen

When you think you're at your end of your rope God is there. We are there. We all love and pray for you and Eric. Its okay to go there-the dark side-the what if's- but don't stay-just visit, get it all out, and then come back to the healing sunshine and let it shine all over yours and Eric's face.
Love you both.

Love you too Alissa. I'd invite you guys over for dinner sometime this week but I work 5 days warming the beeeeeeeeeeping donuts (WHO said I had that kind of time to give again? I DIDN'T) so maybe sometime soon we can hang out. Thanks for everything, honey. I really truly mean that.