What next?

I'm jumping out on a limb here and it’s scary but I have to put this somewhere and I need support. 

HELP!!!!

My family has been through a lot heartache in the last several years.  People that know me from the boards have asked me why I haven’t posted and used this place for support and my answer has always been, “They wouldn’t believe it.  I can hardly believe it myself.  It will seem like I’m looking for sympathy or even a financial handout. People (not all) are suspicious and I don’t want to go there".  To list some things:  still birth, daughter abducted, raped, beaten and left for dead, best friend died of brain cancer, another close friend of pancreatic cancer, another of a sudden, unexpected heart attack, helping my friend help her mother die of ovarian cancer, my best friend’s baby had leukemia (she has since died at the age of 2.5), all of my complications and surgery, ……..I can’t list them all –I’m already starting to cry…..

 

Anyway, some of you know that Captain Superman was severely injured at work and that caused a plethora of problems including litigation.  Seaman do not get workman's comp, disability, or unemployment.  They are covered under The Jones Act and we got $224.00 every two weeks --- a far cry from the significant wage earner he was because he is only one of 50 people in the WORLD that did his job.  The Jones Act requires that you prove your employer was negligent and the only way to do that is to file a law suit.

Litigation is worse than horrible.  Couple that with injury, pain, PTSD, losing his job that he loved and worked for his entire life, the loss of all his “waterman" hobbies, financial disaster, etc. and it’s a recipe for a living nightmare.  Trust me, people pass around, “You’re going to sue, right?" like it’s a casual thing.  Trust me, please; you do not ever want to be a Plaintiff in a law suit.  Nothing is private anymore once you're in a law suit.  We even had a “stalker" {PI} who clocked in over 300 hours following around my family taking photographs.  They found nothing b/c we had nothing to hide.  It was legitimate. 2.5 years later after no income and living off our 401K and savings, we went to trail that lasted 3 weeks.  There are no words.  We “won" as the jury deliberated less than 90 minutes and gave us everything which was fair.  We only ever wanted what was fair.  What’s not fair is the attorneys take 50%!  *shaking head*

 

In addition, we were going through his health problems and surgery – he had knee surgery, a spinal fusion, physical therapy for a year and my health problems and surgeries’ including my having two stays in ICU fighting for my life in 2008 alone,

 

So, now that most of that is over (I’m still looking at surgery in the future), I thought we’d have a break – get all the paperwork together and maintenance of the house that has been neglected in the last 2.5 years.  And we have already begun attending to those things.

 

I’m in New Orleans for Thanksgiving.  We came to spend time with family. My folks aren't getting younger, ya know! 

 

My Dad pulled us all into a room (he always gives the bad news) and proclaimed that he had an announcement and that he had been keeping a secret from us since October 28th.  I immediately started to cry. I mean **** he knows the date?  I knew it was coming.  

He has cancer.  He has asked us that if we share this information to not go into detail but he understands that we will need support. 

 

I am devastated.  15 years ago I decided that I wasn’t going to accept that I didn’t have a good relationship with my father.  Not because he wasn’t a good father but he just wasn’t vocal, expressive, emotional, etc.  So, I started hugging and kissing him hello and goodbye.  I started sitting with him to watch TV even if we didn’t speak or made a silly comment about a commercial.  Over time, we became very close and there isn’t one thing I can think of that I could not tell him.  I adore him.  We are very close. 

So, after her breaks the news and I can see pass the tears, I looked around the room and no one had even flinched!  WTF is wrong with these people?  Yesterday, my adult daughter told me after I asked her if she was “OK" with Papa’s news, “Mom, you and Papa are the only ones freaking out."  

 

WTF?

 

Am I related to these people?  Can I have a DNA test?   Are they not close to him and it doesn’t matter.  Are they stronger than me? 

WTF?   

 

I am just glad that *I* made the effort and he responded and now we have a close relationship and I’m not like those other people who say they are not worried at all.

 

I just thought since the trial was over and we had reached a settlement that we could start recovering, rediscovering, repairing, etc. and now there is this.  I know we can do both at the same time but I’m at the end of my rope.  I can only take so much and I can’t bear the thought of seeing my father suffer and having to live my life without my father.

 

How much can one person take?  My heart literally hurts!

 

I keep saying, “BREAThE!"   And, I try to say the Serenity Prayer whenever I think of it which, I admit, is rare.

 

I don’t want a pity party – if you all could just be so kind to pray, light a million candles, swing some large animals and small ones too, etc., I’d be more than appreciative! 

 

If you made it this far, you are a compassionate person and I thank you straight from my heart.

 

xoxo,

Vanessa

Oh gosh, the knot in my throat is about to choke the life outta me, I guess I should just go ahead and cry.....
 
I don't know you, but I am so sorry for what you've had to go through....Be strong.....and don't ever and I mean never ask "what next" or say i cant take anymore.....

When my appendix burst at 7 months pregnant, I learned to never utter those words....I thank God for each and every day I had with that baby....he was in a coma and in ICU for 21 days.....I just kept thanking God for everything they found wrong with him, cause they found it now instead of later....he is nine and a little toot.....

I prayed every day that my wound would heal by "x" amount of inches... I learned to pray and state exactly what I wanted.....

I will pray for you and your family.....Peace be with you.....and God bless you

Oh Vanessa, WTF is right...MY God, I knew some of your story, but certainly not all of it!  I will be praying for you and your family, it really sounds like you guys need the prayers.  I'll even see if I can find some extra chickens to swing for ya! 

Hugs, Mari

Vanessa, I'm so sorry to hear all of this. I will certainly keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

Here's a great big cyber hug---

{{{{Vanessa}}}}

Sweetie, I responded on the R&R thread.......I do mean what I said, call me whenever.  You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

This is just a glimcy of what you've been through, it almost seems impossible that a family would go through so much in such a short time.......I love you.

 

Just remember, God never gives you more than you can handle.  He's showing you how strong you really are. 

Hang in there.  My prayers are with you.

 Vanessa......Sweetie I am SO sorry that you have had to go through all these things.    I knew about some of the things ( 2 1/2 yr old friends child passing away ) but i didn't know all this.   Remember God PROMISES us that he will NOT put is through more than we can bare.   I know that you are a Christian from your previous posts.   Lean on God in these tough times !!!     I know that he will see you through it all.   HE can also heal your father of cancer if it is His will.     I will pray for your entire family and you especially.    I have been through alot this year also and about a month ago I thought that I was going to have a nervous breakdown but I truely gave all the situations to God and they are so much better.    I  love you and trust me.....I will keep you in my prayers constantly.    God will hold you close and comfort you in these hard times.   Keep the faith !!!!


Hugs and blessings ~~~ Vivian

vanessa prayers for you and your dad..... make the most of the days he has left.....

OH MY    NO amount of words can express what I'm feeling for you right now VAnessa !!  Just know that I'm sending hugs and prayers your way...................what an awful time to get bad news -  NOT that the holiday are a trying time for everyone too.....................

LUV YOU GIRL !! 

I am so sorry to hear all that is going on with you Vanessa.  You are a very strong person.  Come here anytime you need to let it all out!

Kat