Cyber Friends...many hidden layers

I’ve been on OH for 1 ½ years now. I’ve always tried to keep my postings positive and have not criticized other's actions or posts…..until now.    I originally came looking for support, information and friends. I started out doing anything I could think of to be supportive. During the first month or so I joined, I contributed money and food when supplies were being taken to Houston for storm victims.  I visited several people from OH in the hospital even though my family thought it was nuts to visit strangers.  I sent sympathetic PM’s when I saw messages that seemed to be hurtful to other members. I checked on people who disappeared from the boards for a long time concerned something may have happened. I tried to provide as much support as possible even when I didn’t feel in a very positive place myself.  I went to several support/social events for the same reasons, to make friends and get/give support. I’ve offered to help people when they complain they don’t have anyone to exercise with or they want to meet new people.      I have been accused of being antisocial because I didn’t always have my picture on my profile…which by the way I removed again to keep my picture from being posted in other places and from having my looks or clothing or the background criticized…I backed off the board for the past six months because I took someone’s side publicly that I felt was being unnecessarily attacked. It turned into an attack on me that I was too sensitive and wouldn’t put myself all out or as I took it, kiss everyone’s ass to make friends. I have already blocked several people because I wasn’t going to get in a ******g contest with them. These were people that I have never even met and they know absolutely nothing about me.   I have never met this Paul and I certainly don’t condone his posts to the point that I don’t generally read them any more, but to make it short and brief…I think attacking someone’s weight (regardless of who or the type of person they are) is out of bounds on a site that was created specifically for weight support.  Nothing offends me more than someone making fun of someone else's weight.  I have lived with that all of my life!

I can’t even imagine what an MO person coming to OH for the first time is going to think when they read that post and read it they will……Some of you are the people I have previously admired the most on OH. It’s really a shame that so many times, we forget where we’ve come from….

Sweetie, I'm not sure I know exactly what comment you are referring too but if it was Stephanie's I believe she made a reference to her original post.  Paul has been on these boards for a while, this is his second or third user name because of some of the vile crap he's said to so many people.

He is trash in my book and I WON'T put up with is stupid ****  He stirs up a hornets nest on multiple boards here on OH.  He's a homophobic, sexist, racist, bigot asshole.  He deserves EVERY damn slam he got on that previous thread. 

If you feel he has been done wrong then I invite you to go to the DS, Rants & Raves, Sex, Main board and this board and LOOK at his repeated stupid post.

Trying to "protect" someone that is wronged is one thing.........Paul wasn't wronged.

Put yourself in the place so many have been on......he is here to find a woman and makes sexist comments to so many AND then wonders WHY he can't find a wife.

Sorry but I call BULL**** on Paul.

I understand the weight comment concerns you and I DO BELIEVE that is why Stephanie made the extra comment.  It wasn't meant to demean anyone that is obese, WE'VE all been there and some are still there; this board is a fabulous place of support.  HOWEVER, when someone does the things Paul has done repeatedly WE WILL put on the boxing gloves and go at it.

There are several things I don't put up with 1) ridiculing someone Else's looks; 2) calling someone fat; 3) making racist, bigot, homophobic, sexist comments to my OH family; 4) making comments about ANYONES family/kids.

IMO, I believe if anything Paul has ran more people off of this board than he's helped. 

We are family here, we will agree and agree to disagree just like in real life. 

I've enjoyed knowing you Kat and I do consider you a friend; please don't take my comments personally they aren't directed at you.  I've just had about ALL I'll take from Paul, it's been going on way to long and OH allows him to stay here.  The best thing that could ever happen is Paul moves from TEXAS and goes wherever else he wishes to live.  Mean, maybe but that is how I feel.

I'll second that BULL**** call.  This bat****woman, or whatever he calls himself these days does nothing but try to stroke his own ego.  And just for the record, Stephanie was speaking about HER OWN experience...Another board member make a follow up and he came back with basically suggesting a threesome with her and her husband...When he was called on it, like so many times before HE resorted to name calling and then getting VERY personal.  All of that certainly is overshadowed by him then calling a female family member on ths board the C word.  This guy's is a dirtbag.  PERIOD.  He knows not to go to any of the OH functions because he KNOWS he's gonna get his ass kicked...Oh, not by me or any of the other husbands on the board, but by the very women he routinely verbally attacks when he gets called out.  But is it your right to defend?  Absolutely.   And this board is a place for help and for support....I agree...But when some P.O.S. comes on this board and attcks ANY...and I mean ANY of my family, then they had better be ready to step out of the light and into a VERY dark alley.  The will NOT like what the find there.  I'm done.    

  Chris I am so relieved you are just a holler away since I am fending for myself here.

Kat, I have to say that taking a weight comment offensively is very understandable, but we know that any comment about Pauls' body is because of who he is and how he presents himself, publicly and on this board.  I know we have given him more than his share of chances to be a socially positive person, but it's just not possible with him.  What he said is just downright crude and disgusting and he could be the sexiest man alive and I would feel the same way.

I would hate to see you leave over this, but please be warned - since OH can't seem to grow a backbone and permanently ban him, he could make you a victim of his vile brain as well.  I have been, as have many others on here. I only hope it doesn't happen to you.

Ken and I still talk about you visiting me in the hospital!! It was so sweet of you and I really was touched by your kindness!! Thank you!
Meggie

Hey girl ... I know what you mean about the many layers of this OH thing.  You and I have corresponded before about this and have shared similar experiences.

My takeaway has been that the cyberworld can be a wonderful source of support, and I can and should lend my cyber voice when I have something relevant to add to the discussion -- but I don't care to ever relive the rejection I received from OH folk IRLthis past year.  Nor did I care to bring it to anyone's attention at the time because I knew I'd be flamed for 'not putting myself out there enough,' etc.  Whether that would have been a fair analysis of what happened is irrelevant.  The fact remains that I and they did not connect.

So I have chosen to continue my involvement in OH but limit it to the cyber realm.  OH is still plenty useful in that way as a source of support and a vehicle for giving back.  As an added bonus, it can be a lot easier to benefit from the good and ignore the negatives in people without knowing them IRL.

I am happy for those who have IRL friends they met here, go to TMB parties, etc.  For whatever reason (my deodorant's not working? who knows?!), with rare exceptions, I don't think I am destined to be one of them.  I am at peace with that.  I hope you, too, make your peace with whatever level of involvement you choose, take the best, and discard the rest.

As a relatively newbie, I'm gonna express my thoughts.......i was thoroughly enjoying my reading, i even had to leave for a bit, so I minimized it so I could read more later.....well wouldnt you know Internet Explorer was not responding when i got back home.....

I went back to the TMB to finish reading it and guess what? it was gone......

I thought to myself when i was reading it.....haha, he (batwingsman) knows how to push their buttons.....he played ya'll like a puppet.....

Ive listened to Dr. Phil as well as a lot of other professional people in my nursing career and it appeared to me that ya'll play right into his hands.....he is conditioning ya'll....

it takes so much energy, time and effort to bicker and stab at each other......it isnt helpful at all to new people, it is a little scary...im even a little scared to push "submit".

I for one need help with some pre-op stuff since my surgery is in 11/2 weeks, but i dont usually get much of a response...maybe i should start with something hateful.....lol im just kidding