604,800 seconds

If there's one thing I can say, don't abuse the time you're given. Whatever that means to you, really let it register. Do you have someone you can call and say hello to today that you've been meaning to? How about a child in your life who has a game this weekend that you could to and surprise them with your presence because they weren't expecting you? Are you making too much time for work and not enough for your family? Turn it around for a couple days and see if you like it - even if work doesn't like it. Because if there is one thing you can't control, it's change. And permanent change can happen in the blink of an eye. We all hear that, but I'm now living proof. Guess there may be some truth to people dealing with life changing situations when they say don't take time for granted.

Six hundred four thousand eight hundred seconds. Kind of rolls off your tongue doesn't it? I swear I've felt every last one pump through my veins. I might have been distracted at the 376,432 mark but we'll let it slide. One week ago we came to the hospital. One little week. How profound. Does anyone remember what happened to them during the week of April 20th - 27th? How about August 3rd - 10th? Anybody? All these little seconds are counting down and time is flying by and we're not respecting them as the gift that they're given. I know I sure didn't.

So the unknown is terrifying, as I'm sure you can imagine. I'm in panic mode, but that's not unfamiliar territory for me. I am a planning multi-tasker that can do many things at one time, when I know how to plan. There is no way I can plan right now. "Home" now means something different. "Normal" now means something different. People hate when they get into a rut but right now my rut sounds pretty damn good. LMAO! I know I can learn. But the process fills me with terror. Terror. Definitely not an easy emotion to live through.
 
So they plan on kicking Eric loose this afternoon sometime. Great! He gets to come home. WHOO HOO. Yeah, not so much. It's not that I don't want him home. I just don't know what to do. I feel like it's my responsibility to make him as comfortable as possible and when I don't know HOW to do that right now, I feel as if I'm falling short. I can't make him eat. I can't make him drink. I don't want to yell at him but I will if it comes down to it. I'm quite sure he's going to get very angry in the next couple days because he's going to have the opportunity too. He hasn't grieved his loss of normalcy yet. It's not going to be pretty. But I'll be here to pick up the strewn lawn furniture or broken glass or whatever he wants to throw because he has every right to throw it.

So day one of forever starts today I guess. Lets see where it goes from here. I sure hope I can adapt quickly to a new routine, and that all those seconds that make up forever are used up in every possible way. Why don't you do the same.

All my love,

Jenny

Hey Jenny-
Your words touch my heart every time I read them. Thank you for your insight- thank you for sharing.
I will continue to pray for you all. I don't know what else to do to make this better for you other than that. I AM here for you if you ever need me. Housekeeper, babysitter, ear...whatever you need. Please don't isolate or be afarid to ask for help.
Love you guys!
Tracey

Jenny, don't worry about what happens at home. That is Eric's sanctuary and it has been safe and good there and it will continue to be! Yall will be fine whatever comes your way...because God answers prayer; maybe not the way we want or think he should but it is in his hands and with all the prayers going up for you, well he has to be listening. SO DONT SWEAT IT, SWEETIE. YOU ARE IN GOOD HANDS! Luv to you! Annette, too

Your words alarm me. Please make sure that you are taking care of YOU!

Don't be alarmed. I'm just bone tired. Surprisingly I am taking care of myself. It's just the days where I feel like I'm only 14 years old that reality is a very hard pill to swallow. I think getting out of this hospital will help. At least the days where I say to myself "if this doesn't kill him, it's gonna kill me in the process" are few and far inbetween. Oh well - chin up, and one day at a time is about all I can handle right now.  

(((Jenny)))

Prayers for you and Eric as you travel this road on your life journey.  you are very right that every second is precious to us and should be used wisely.

Karla

That's a good lesson for everyone whether there's a serious illness involved or not.  I'm keeping you and Eric in my prayers.

You are so right that we take time for granted.  Thank you for reminding us about the "little" things in life we forget about.

Sending you guys lots of hugs and prayers!

((Oh sweet Jenny))  sending both you and Eric lots of love and support; please know that your loved and everyone is praying for you both!

Love and Hugs sweetie
Mel