Trapped by Choclate

Today I struggle with old habits, the monster that keeps haunting me and clawing its way back into my life. I will never be able to run away from this monster. As I live and breath this monster will always be at my back. Today it is chocolate and it has a hold on me and refuses to loosen its grasp. I know where I came from and don't ever want to return to the past. What is the reason for keeping me imprisoned to the past, why cant it just go away? I have struggled hard to win but as I step forward the past drags me two steps back.

Remember what they said at the Support Group meeting?  I am following that advice.  It is funny that I saw this post now, as a sit with 1/2 a Giardelli chocolate square in my mouth.  Just sitting on my tongue melting.  All I brought with me was one square.

Today its chocolate, yesterday it was a doubble cheese burger from burger king. The other day I cought myself sneeking in to get cheetos late at night and wonderd why I was sneeking. I'm not sure what going on but I have an appointment Thursday to see if I have streched my pouch.

I don't see a problem with the cheeseburger.  I eat one now and then, but only the bottom bun with it.  And I can't fini****  From what I understand you really have to eat a lot to stretch the pouch.  As far as the Cheetos go, when I get the small bag of chips from the snack machine, it normally lasts me two nights.

Are you gaining weight?  Because, I eat a lot right now.  Just that I eat every 3-4 hours.  I eat breakfast at 1:30, lunch at 6PM, supper at 10:30, supper 2 at 3AM.  Plus, I snack on cheese all night long. 

I have put on about 15 pounds and I'm hoping it mostly muscle because I have been trying to take it back off and it only goes down about 1 or 2 pounds.

Eric - take your mesurements - is the growth in your arms and thighs - muscle or is in your gut- fat? you don't have to tell me or goerge (unless he is your accountablity person) or the board in general but YOU MUST BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF!!!!

then you have to decide what your limits are - I am stress eating right now - my limits are that I have to have my protien shakes and have to fix the kids at least one healthy meal - and I can not eat till I am sick  - ok not much of limits but they are keeping me pretty well in check

chocolate, cheese burgers and cheetos are not in and of themselves "bad" or "evil" foods - they are poor choices for a reg diet but not for an ocasional treat - can you do the 80% rule? 80% of the time you eat right and you aren't allowed to beat yourself up for the other 20% of eating

can you have that control? the control of SELF that says yes today I feel like crap and I am going to eat crappy food but next meal I will eat better OR yes I want chocolate and that dark choc over there is wonderful tasting, I can have it as soon as I drink this choc protien shake b/c no freaking way am I eating good choc and FOLLOWING it with a protien shake

can you "treat" yourself to better quailty or more expensive protien treats? is there a cheese you love but is $10 a pound? can you satify your self with a few onces of that instead of the chocolate? how about GOOD shrimp instead of cheetos?

sometimes for me it is about eating what "I want/deserve" and my old mindset kicks in and I am eating crap but would be just as happy or happyer with the nicer things that are good for me that i don't get b/c I shop frugally

remember a HUGE part of this weight loss journey is mental - my doc used to tell everyone (probably still does just haven't seen him in years now LOL) "I fix your guts - you fix your head"


hope my ramblings help somehow
peace my friend
Danni

I think a lot of it was stress eating, most of it happened when Julie got the fluid out of her lapband but now that she has a sleeve I notice it because she isn't eating. I know I can get it under control. I just need to start fromk scratch and go back thru my diet from the begining as if I just had surgery. I work 10 hour days and I'm lifting cases all day so my arms and chest are toning up as my Doc said sat. In 7 days I have put on 8 pounds and it just freaked me out that I gained weight.

Okay, a little off topic here, but I used to LOVE cheetos, especially the puffed kind...  I found a maker of baked cheese puffs - can't remember the brand, but Kroger sells them in their 'fancy' ie' healthy potato chip section.  They were pricey, but 2 cups (like I can eat that....) only had 100 calories.  It was crazy.... So, I bought them and have to tell you - they rock!  Good thing I get full easy or I'd be in trouble.   But the really good news is I can have my 'fix' without feeling like I've gone off the reservation.

Good luck!

What Danni and George say is good advice.  I'll only add that for me I plan it and never, ever hide it. 

If I decide I want something, need something, can't live without something, then I plan for it.  I work the calories into my daily plan (or weekly and do extra exercise) and then I anticipate it and look forward to it.  And when I'm eating it I am totally 100% focused on it.  I'm not in a hurry.  I'm not hiding in the car or scarfing it down before anyone gets home, but I'm sitting down at the table and on a plate or a pretty napkin I actually take little tiny bites and let the flavors and textures roll around in my mouth.  Like George, I can't eat the whole thing and I do carefully measure out the portion that I intend to eat and I am completely satisfied with that.  Afterall, for the most part it is a mental thing and not something physical, so the act of anticipation and enjoyment - not total consumption - is very satisfying.

Now that being said, there are some things I just can't do this with.  I dump, so for me this is about the savory foods that are not on my usual plan.

I'm with Danni on your weight versus measurements.  You look great!  Maybe this is your body weight set point and where you need in order to be healthy and continue the pace and intensity of the exercise you do.  Just a thought. 

I know how you feel.  I am up about 3-5 pounds depending on the day.  I find myself going back to old habits.  Luckily for me too much sugar makes me feel sick so I can't eat alot of chocolate.  I ate some marshmellows the other night and it made me so sick at my stomach.  You should be so proud of yourself.  You know you are having the issues and to me that is half the battle.  It's when a person says "I dont' know why I'm gaining weight" that there is a problem.  I have tried using that excuse myself but I know why I gain.  I just get away from the plan.  Like you I don't ever want to go back to the old me.  I don't want my clothes getting tight.  But just putting on the 5 pounds I have had more people tell me how good I am looking.  I think it's because my face doesn't look as sunk in.  Just remember we are harder on ourselves than anyone.  I wish I could have plastic surgery but  don't ever see that happening so I am just trying to learn to love the me I have.LOL