Isn't transient a homeless person?
I lie awake as the rain streams down from above reflecting on my day. As lightning flashes, leaving rumbles in its chaotic wake, I experience that rare phenomenon of having every person who loves me available to me, yet feel totally alone. A cat jumps on the empty side of the bed and settles near the pillow that usually holds my beloveds head. As tears fill my eyes, a crack of electricity overhead startles me out of my misery.
Misery. When did that noun become a descriptor for my life?
How did the words tumor and cancer and chemo become part of my daily dialog? Within 6 days I've gone from bulletproof to barely holding a shield over myself from the spray. Where were you hiding in ambush? I sure didn't see you coming. Job well done, fair opponent.
So it's an odd feeling, being hopeful and hopeless at the same time. I'm hopeful he will recover, of this I am positive. I feel hopelessness at times because the road getting there will be quite arduous. On day two he used defeatist speak saying "I feel like I relapsed" because he was having a worse day than the day before. On day two of treatment. Two. When has any great adventurer, marathoner, or explorer ever based the journey of 2000 miles at the 5 mile mark? I'm pretty sure Christopher Columbus didn't give up when a sail got snagged in the rigging before barely getting out of Palos on the Santa Maria. That's just my little overachiever, being displeased with mere achievement. In the long run that quest for over-achievement will come into play. But not on day two. Just let day two, be day two.
So day three was bad. I'm not gonna lie. It was a rough day. The only comfort to someone watching it is that he was too out of it to remember all the details. One side effect of chemo is "transient pain in tumor locations" which basically means he will experience excruciating pain where the tumors are, randomly and without warning. Well ain't that grand? His lungs and lymph nodes look like Chicago lake effect snow in January. So one shot of morphine and Ativan later, he was able to rest without being curled up in a ball, hugging his knees from the pain. Thank God for modern medicine.
Day four of treatment starts today. He's been sleeping during the chemo and for that I am grateful. We've worked out mini goals for every day that are reasonable and attainable. 3 walks today, 5 sips of water every 10 mins, and 4 bites of everything on his plate (because Rhiannon is 4 and if she can do it when she doesn't want to eat anything, so can he). Wednesday is still looking good for release. He will love being home. I dread him coming home. Transient pains scare me. God just please give me the strength to handle them when they come under my watch.
As always, my deepest gratitude for all of you,
Jenny
Misery. When did that noun become a descriptor for my life?
How did the words tumor and cancer and chemo become part of my daily dialog? Within 6 days I've gone from bulletproof to barely holding a shield over myself from the spray. Where were you hiding in ambush? I sure didn't see you coming. Job well done, fair opponent.
So it's an odd feeling, being hopeful and hopeless at the same time. I'm hopeful he will recover, of this I am positive. I feel hopelessness at times because the road getting there will be quite arduous. On day two he used defeatist speak saying "I feel like I relapsed" because he was having a worse day than the day before. On day two of treatment. Two. When has any great adventurer, marathoner, or explorer ever based the journey of 2000 miles at the 5 mile mark? I'm pretty sure Christopher Columbus didn't give up when a sail got snagged in the rigging before barely getting out of Palos on the Santa Maria. That's just my little overachiever, being displeased with mere achievement. In the long run that quest for over-achievement will come into play. But not on day two. Just let day two, be day two.
So day three was bad. I'm not gonna lie. It was a rough day. The only comfort to someone watching it is that he was too out of it to remember all the details. One side effect of chemo is "transient pain in tumor locations" which basically means he will experience excruciating pain where the tumors are, randomly and without warning. Well ain't that grand? His lungs and lymph nodes look like Chicago lake effect snow in January. So one shot of morphine and Ativan later, he was able to rest without being curled up in a ball, hugging his knees from the pain. Thank God for modern medicine.
Day four of treatment starts today. He's been sleeping during the chemo and for that I am grateful. We've worked out mini goals for every day that are reasonable and attainable. 3 walks today, 5 sips of water every 10 mins, and 4 bites of everything on his plate (because Rhiannon is 4 and if she can do it when she doesn't want to eat anything, so can he). Wednesday is still looking good for release. He will love being home. I dread him coming home. Transient pains scare me. God just please give me the strength to handle them when they come under my watch.
As always, my deepest gratitude for all of you,
Jenny
Jenny,
Just know we are there for you. Relief is on it's way. I know from experience how hard it is for us to see our loved ones suffer. How we feel the weight of the world on our shoulders. But we are never given more than we can handle. I know he carries me an his shoulders all the time.
Give Eric a big hug and keep that smile on your face. You are a beautiful person inside and our.
Just know we are there for you. Relief is on it's way. I know from experience how hard it is for us to see our loved ones suffer. How we feel the weight of the world on our shoulders. But we are never given more than we can handle. I know he carries me an his shoulders all the time.
Give Eric a big hug and keep that smile on your face. You are a beautiful person inside and our.
Jenny there are so few words to offer you other than I love you both and am praying fervently every day and often for you. My heart breaks that you are both having to go through this, but I rejoice that Eric has you to help him through it. Your love, faith, determination and willingness to face each and every battle will carry you through this, and I know that God will walk alongside you and give you strength throughout.
Give me a call when you need a quick break, I'm here day or night.
Debbi
Give me a call when you need a quick break, I'm here day or night.
Debbi
Baby girl I wish I could do more. But what I can do is offer lots of hugs, prayers love and support. I hope that your writing what you just wrote in a journal you have a gift of words and this will not only be a blessing to you later, but I can see it helping others that are going thru the same thing.
Your loved!
Lynnette
Your words here...just bring tears to my eyes as I read...............sounds like something coming from a Novel............or should be coming from a Steven King book................WOW - I hope that some day through all of this and AFTER GOD heals Eric - you put all of this into a book......
I don't have much to offer you.................(((((((Huggss))))))))))))))))))))) and prayers............
LUV YOU !!
I don't have much to offer you.................(((((((Huggss))))))))))))))))))))) and prayers............
LUV YOU !!
- Pease check out Dr. Connie Stapleton's Website. A lot of good information on there for all WLS patients regardless of the surgery you chose. Good luck to all and I'm here for you if you want to send me an email. I'll answer it as soon as possible.
- Total Lost: 139 lbs
- Current Weight: 263
- As of 11-10-13 I have had weight gain. Not happy about that.
- RNY: 10-16-07 = 338: Highest weight: 350+ Lowest Weight: 199
My darling, your words are beautiful. I hope you continue to journal your experience so someday someone else can draw from your strength and grace under fire. We love you and pray for you daily.
All my love,
Shawn-Marie
All my love,
Shawn-Marie
That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. ~ 2 Corinthians 12:10 (NIV)
Includes 70 lbs lost pre-op. Official member of the Double Century Club!!!
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