Stinkin Thinking

Good Morning all of my gorgeous and handsome Ladies and Gentlemen of Obesity Help.

I have been reading some post this morning and was compelled to write because I saw a few things that saddened me and made me want to share a little bit of myself so that maybe I could help someone else.

I saw a lot of post from people on various boards that were stuck in a rut so to speak.

They were post with lots of negative talk and thinking about themselves.

I can relate to a lot of the thought patterns because in my distant past I was the same way.

I was so beaten down by people, cir****tances, my body, and just life in general that I saw no signs of hope for me in sight.

I was hopeless, lifeless, in utter despair, consumed with darkness and gloom, and to be blunt attempted suicide on numerous occasions and had to have mental health interventions.

Some of you may know if you have known me since first coming to OH in 2002 that I have a background of domestic violence as a child, sexual abuse as a child and teenager, drug abuse as a child, teenager and young adult, eating disorder as a child, teenager, and young adult, body dysmorphia as a child, teenager, and young adult, and cutting as a child, teenager, and young adult, etc.

There is nothing that I have not seen or been through physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, etc.

My life was been no bed of roses or walk in the park.

While I realize a lot of people's lives were not that way, but I am what my therapist likes to call a walking miracle.

I spent the majority of my life fighting for survival.

I will not go into details as it is way to traumatic to discuss, but it was things that you could not fathom how someone could survive.

It was not until a few years ago that I had finally realized that all of the awful things that had happened to me was not my fault and that I was not a horrible person.

For years I thought that everything that happened to me in my life was deserved in some way because I was a horrible person.

I felt like  I was a horrible person because in my mind there is no way that the things that kept happening to me could happen unless I was horrible.

I was angry at God for years because people always say Good things happen to good people.

Bad things were always happening to me so I equated that with being a bad person.

Thank Goddess I managed to find a good therapist and great support groups and finally started believing in myself.

I let go of all of the negative thoughts that I had been believing about myself and started creating positive ones.

I am not gonna lie and tell you this happened over night because it took years of me working in therapy and support groups.

I started believing in myself and loving myself and that is when the stinkin thinking stopped.

I finally started seeing that while everything in my life may not always go the way I want them to that it does not necessarily mean that it is a reflection on me.

Sometimes when things do not go the way you wanted them to maybe that is the way it was meant to be and you can grow and learn from it.

I am still in therapy by choice for maintenance and to continue working through childhood trauma.

I have bad days still and I am not perfect and sometimes want to resort back to my stinkin thinking, but because of my tools that I have learned in therapy I now have resources.

I am able to see both sides of things now and not just always the negative side.

I found this link below and it has a lot of the information that I learned in therapy.

I am posting it in the hopes that maybe you can take something from it and change your stinkin thinking and in turn change your life.

mental-health.families.com/blog/stop-talking-dirty-to-yourself

I am by no means trying to tell you how to live your life, but when I see people being miserable and self deprecating I see the old me that was suffering and barely living and I just wanted to reach out and help you see there is another way.

Take what you can from what I posted and leave what you can't.

"So, I guess we are who we are for alot of reasons. And maybe we'll never know most of them. But even if we don't have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there. We can still do things. And we can try to feel okay about them." Stephen Chbosky

"A friend who is far away is sometimes much nearer than one who is at hand. Is not the mountain far more awe-inspiring and more clearly visible to one passing through the valley than to those who inhabit the mountain?" Kahlil Gibran

"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be." Douglas Adams

www.youtube.com/watch

You already know im your biggest fan!!!!!

Thank you for sharing and giving hope to all who take from you.....if you ever wonder why am I here? what does God want me to do? I think your doing it!!!!

Thank you my friend

Tara,

Thank you.

I use to ask myself that all of the time when horrible things would happen to me.

My therapist told me that I am still here to show people that no matter what you think you can't survive in life that you can.

I never really thought of it that way, but I have had people tell me that I have helped them and some have even told me saved their life.

Knowing that clarifies it for me and makes my sharing worthwhile no matter how guarded I may be in doing it at times.

Thank you so much for your support.

Amen Teena!  We each need to work though those stinkin thinkin days......focus on the good and resolve to improve what you may see as "bad". 

I'm sorry you have had to deal with so much in life, I wish you continued happiness.

I couldn't get to the link on your post but it gave me options to type in......here is what I was able to click on in case others want to read it too.

http://mental-health.families.com/blog/stop-talking-dirty-to -yourself

Dana,

I don't know about you, but life is way to short to be focused on the negative.

It gets me nowhere real fast.

Thank you for the kind words and reposting the link.

I agree, I try to stay away from negativity, sometimes why I have to step away from the boards as I don't do well with negative attitudes.  I can and will be supportive however when it affects how I think about life then it's time to step away and work on keeping my Glass half full and not half empty.

Dana,

That is so true.

I had to step away a few times in the past as well due to the negativity on the boards, but I am glad the negativity is no where like it use to be back in the day .

I live my life keeping my glass half full and I want to keep it that way too.

I just wished more people did.

I guess If we were all alike though the world would be a pretty boring place.

I guess there has to be a few glass half empty people to liven up the world.

LMAO.

I hope you have an absolutely fabulous day.

Thanks for sharing this with us.  You are such a special person who without a doubt will continue to touch lives with you determination.

I noticed that tomorrow is your big day.  Please know that you will be in my prayers. 

Teena,

Love love love that name.

LMAO.

Thank you for your post.

Yes, tomorrow is my big day.

Thank you so much for your prayers as I will need them.

Yes we TEENA's have to stick together.  There aren't many like us.