Why does it still bother me???

Just had to get this all off my chest..... it's been eating at me all day!!!

A year ago this month my best friend (former) and I parted ways.   She was not at all supportive about my WLS and would try to sabotage it whenever she got the chance.  She told me once that if she didn't mention my weight loss not to get upset... it was just because she didn't see me as fat to begin with.  HELLO??? have seen my before picture!!!!! 

Anyway our big fight was actually because she found out I joined a gym!!   I think the worst part in all of this is that our kids were the best of friends and this has really upset my daughter.    I did try the next day and for about 2 weeks to mend fences but she wouldn't take my call.  We did have to see each other a few times because our girls were in cheer leading and Girl Scouts together... but we have not seen each other since the beginning of January.  

My daughter has a birthday party to attend this afternoon and last night she came home and told me that Teresa would be at the party because her girls were invited.  She is so excited to see her old friends but  I have been so stressed about running into her at the party... that I have been sick to my stomach all day!   My husband finally said he would take her.

I know I am so much better off without her in my life... so why does it still bother me so much????   What I really hate is that I'm sure it bothers me more then it does her!!! 

Girl you went from 300ish to 160 now....oh i would so be taking my kid to the party and i would be strutting my skinny stuff....yes id be the catty one.....

I know how u feel, i had a friend that I no longer speak too, i have moved away but i know i will some day see her again....

im sure i'll be just as bothered,  hopefully you can impart your wisdom to me when that day comes....

i do think i would have let hubby take em but i woulda be on his arm 

Okay hubby and daughter are home from the party... she didn't even show up!!!  So gee... maybe she is more bothered about seeing me then I thought!!!  In a twisted way I'm glad!!!   I really did want to go strut my stuff... but unfortunatly I will never have the self esteem to do that no matter how much weight I lose.

This image is from my blog,  No one wants the "fattest friend" trophy....and when you give it away, people will do all kinds of things to avoid getting it.  And that includes not being a friend anymore.  Don't let her rent space in your head because there's nothing you can do.  You have offered and you know she has to feel absolutely awful....and unattractive....and she can't have what you have and I'm sure she feels ashamed.  I'm sorry for the kids involved too.  All you can do is live your best life and go where you should go and it sounds like she won't be showing up anyway.  Remember if she does show up,  just feel compassion and do the best you can at making it comfortable for everyone involved.  I'm sorry you have to experience this...unfortunately I have seen in many times.  It is very difficult and there's no easy answer...be proud of what you've done because you are beautiful.
hugs, Y

Thank you Yvonne!!!  When I grow up I want to have your wisdom and positive spirit!!!  Thank you for always lifting me up when I'm down!!!

Man, people are gonna be sick of me today!  It's rainy and I'm about half sick and coming down from an OH event so the emotions are raw today.  Paige, please know that I experienced what you are living.  That's why it's fairly easy to talk about it but the trick is not sounding like I know it all.  I don't...I'm learning every day but to look back at where I was almost 9 years ago seems like a million years ago.  I call it living at light speed in "normal people land".  It's so different so when we dare to go there we are not exactly armed with the life experience that everyone else has.  We are vulnerable and full of fear for so many reasons.  We get caught up in that fear and it makes us do funny and strange things.  I believe we are like babies and starting all over sorta.  I am pretty shocked still when I run into obesity prejudice which is rare because I am so OUT about my surgery but every once in a while I get a glimpse.  It's amazing when the occupants of "normal people land" find out that we are all just like them, we are just stuck in this insane freaking prison of a body we didn't want but we are all the same inside. 

It was sort of fascinating when I got to talk to the DJ at the OH event.  He is a friend of mine from "normal people land"...long story, associated with someone very well known in an industry that has little use for anyone less than..ummm perfect shall I say?  He's way way cool and was so happy and surprised at the ladies at the fashion show, seeing their before pictures and seeing the after and being so shocked.  He really hadn't seen my before pictures either and I'm sure it was as alien an experience as possible.  I know it made a lasting impresson on him and it will last a lifetime.  We changed someone for the better because of that event. 
Changing one person at a time....is an awesome experience.
hugs, Y

Living in Spring is complicated. I was at a birthday party today, in Conroe, but all the parents were from Spring and I had to reaffirm NO four times to the cake. no thank you. no I appreciate the offer no that would not sit well with my tummy no I have already over indulged in sweets today and would have sugar shock if I have any more sugar.. WHY?  because people wll accept no sweets due to diabetes but not to weight loss, so strange. but that is the way they are here. I am so sorry.

Kat - Nice to see you post - we had surgery at the same time - but, I don't post much - got to know you early on on the surgery month board. You look great - Is everything well in your world?

me, me, me all about me. heehee (monical laugh)
I drink my coffee each day, I eat my cheese sticks for breakfast, sometimes an egg / canadian bacon.  I stress out a lot. I drink my propel most days, I eat a steak & my vegetables occasionally, and I stress out ... a LOT. I exersize, I take my vitamins, I homeschool, I worry about my kids. A LOT. and I rarely get a good nights sleep and I wish that I didnt have this pounding headache today and that I could get just an extra 8 hours in each day, not too much to ask right? no I don't think so. now back downstairs for coffee and tylenol. ;) think happy happy thoughts. forced giggle

Paige next time you need to show your gorgeous skinny self at whatever party there is going on.  She probably didn't show because she's seen you from afar or pics of you and knows how wonderful you look!  I think I was so lucky to have not lost any friends over surgery, but I know a lot of people who did.  Hang in there!

Karla