Regain paranoia

It's not that I'm regaining already.  I'm still in Year 1 and still losing.  It just seems like everywhere I turn lately, whether it's on TV or in co-workers' anecdotes, all I hear are tales of people who have had gastric bypass surgery, done all their plastics, and promptly regained all their weight!  Latest example:  two sisters on the TV show Diet Tribe who both had GBs and both regained to over 200 lbs.

I don't see much discussion about it on TMB.  Is this the dirty little secret of WLS, because regainers are the least likely to talk about their problem with others?  Do you guys know a lot of people who have had major regains (I know most people have at least minor ones)?  Or is this just the usual "only hear the horror stories" syndrome, which kept me from considering WLS for so many wasted years?

I have tried to use my honeymoon to forge better eating and exercise habits.  I've come a long way with that.  I know it is going to be a lifelong effort to avoid regain.  I am just wondering whether the odds really are stacked against me.

I know that the stats my doc gave were something like after 2-5 yrs 75% of people have lost and kept off 70-80% of their excess weight

yes people do regian, but many people KEEP WORKING DAY IN AND DAY OUT and don't or just that 10 pound bounce that is very common - I am 3 1/2 yrs out

by that definition I am not a sucsess LOL 
start weight 425
surg 372
today 210
medical model weight 150

total need to lose 275
total lost 215

realistically I will probably never see 150 even post plastics - 180 is more realistic

I did put on 10 pounds last spring and had to really work to get it off -

I weigh every day (at least once ), I refuse to wear anything that is not fitted - non strech jeans or shorts, and I refuse to buy bigger sizes
I hope and pray these things plus all the good habits I formed my first year and the last 3 1/2 will pay off to a life time of either maintianing or losing

so yes people do regain but most don't esp if they have good habits AND good support

You just hit my   Hot Button.. I think to call it is a dirlty litte secret i****ting it right on the head. We feel embarrassed ashamed and even a bigger failure than you did before WLS.  It can happen. It does happen. I think that the people are advertisig WLS don't talk about it because they are afraid the insurance companies will stop paying for the procedure and that the self pay people will stop doing it in fear that they will go through all of that pain and money to just gain it all back. People regain for many reasons. Tools not working. Not making the right food choices etc.   Some people don't want to hear about it because they are afraid it will happen to them. Or they don't want to hear about it because they think it is that persons fault. I think that we should be there for each other for those that are losing it just like all of us did in the begining. We do  pat each other on the back during that Honeymoon phase.. This is the easy part.  When people get far out in their journey we tend to say " she is just gaining weight because she is eating potato chips" Well, guess what Those people will be in the same boat really soon" 
Luckily I have a great support system. My WLS Peeps have been there for me and know that I struggle with this every single moment.
Sorry so long.. This is a subject that really touches my heart.

hey what u doing today my ho

I don't think it's a dirty little secret, I just think people start feeling really normal so they start thinking they're normal and somewhat invincible to a point (how can you blame them? They get a good 2 years of easy loss/maintenance, right?)

One thing I've noticed over the last couple years from reading these boards is you have two groups of people - the have and have nots. In other words, people who believe in moderation and the others who believe complete abstinence of "wrong food" is key for life. There's nothing wrong with either of these groups, but I read constantly of people who abstained for the entire honeymoon period and never ate ANYTHING off plan, and then they have this itty bitty piece of decadence and it's like the gates of Hell fly open. But on the other hand, the moderation people who chose to learn what moderation means for them from the start, can enjoy a sliver of something occasionally and walk away from the rest because they know there's more in the future. It's like they learned how to naturally enjoy food post-op and not let it become this overwhelming force in their lives. If you can't tell, I fall into the moderation camp. Has this come back to bite me in the ass at times? Yep. But I look at it as I'm constantly evolving, and change is always going to come if I'm alert enough to evolve myself and my actions accordingly.

I know one thing. I have always used food to soothe me. I will likely always use food to soothe me. Wait? What? Did I just say I will continue to use food to soothe me? I sure did. Because it's what I do. I don't want to transfer my issues to booze. I don't want to start using drugs. I don't want to start sleeping with anything that breathes, or go gamble my money away. Because I would. I have a very addictive personality. So, why not do what I do best? Continue to use the knowledge I've learned through WLS and make the best decisions possible but maybe screw up now and again, ya know? And I'm sure there will be times that will come back to bite me. I totally anticipate weight fluctuations for the rest of my life. 30 pounds up here, back down, then up again. To me, that's not a major deal. Ignoring the issues behind the upwards trend would be WAY WORSE then actually gaining to me. Because it has never been about the food but how I use the food. And major regain in my case would be because I decided to not get back up again after I fell on my face (which I totally anticipate happening more than once in my lifetime).

In my opinion, the only odds stacked against any of us are the ones we put there ourselves. You're in charge of your destiny. You don't to regain, then you do what is needed to avoid it at all costs. Follow the cardinal rules, get your movement, and just do your best. If you can look at your reflection in the mirror and tell yourself you're doing your absolute best, then how can you want for anything more? 

Jenny

I aspire to be as wise as you are.  You are far more healthy than I am because you are so right about 30 pounds up or down should not make or break us....but it does for so many.  I have told so many therapists that we have to do something about this.  How is it that a woman that gains back 30 plus pounds ends up more miserable and suicidal than when she weighed 300?  That's where I don't know how to help.  Your best statement....If you don't want to regain then you need to avoid it at ALL costs.  I am so worried for so many but I just don't know what to do to make a difference.  I am worried that it sounds obsessive to say "do whatever it takes not to regain...please."   I have looked in those faces of regain and my heart breaks when I wish I could make them believe that 30 or 40 or however many pounds it is....it's possible to do the hard things necessary to turn it around but if you can keep from going there in the first place, it  makes it much easier.  I continue to try to tell newbies to please change those things in the beginning and do a little each day to recover and recovery is that battle with beating ourselves up and feeling shame.  Shame is so evil...  As Gina says so well and I will quote her until my dying day "A monkey can do the first year'.  We have to support and care for each other...we are fighting a war and it's a war to live, to get that second chance.  We are all kinds of different people that have a common thread and we are stronger together than are apart.
many blessings because you are a blessing to me, Y

Thanks everybody -- what you say makes a lot of sense.

It surely helps to read this board and get it drummed into our heads that we will NEVER be "normal" as far as food is concerned.  Anyone who has spent more than 20 minutes on TMB has been relieved of the illusion that it's safe for us to resume our old habits once we've lost the weight.

I've gotten the impression that a lot of WLS patients try to make their journeys without educating themselves properly and/or without the support of others who are on the same path.  That alone has got to be a recipe for regain.  It is one mistake I have not made, thanks to all of you.

I think Jenny hit it when she said, "You don't want to regain, then you do what is needed to avoid it at all costs." 

I'm a research geek.  Maybe I go a little overboard at times, but my health seemed worth it.  I went to a ton of doctor's appointments, including a therapist.  I went to lots of support groups and met lots of post WLS peeps.  I listened to them all, the doctors and the patients.  Based on their knowledge and their combined experience I set out on my path and decided what concessions I would or would not make.  I've pretty much stuck to that plan.  Am I perfect?  No!  But, the key is to get right back on plan after even the smallest melt down becuase that's where I usually fall off the wagon...when emotions get the best of me.  I've used my "honeymoon phase" to find alternate methods of handling stress and I think I've founds some outlets that work very well for me.  Is it a transferance?  You betcha.  But, if I have to obsess at least my obsession is for health...I workout.  I run, I bike, I lift weights. 

I would also like to say I don't think people who gain 30 pounds are a surgical failure.  And I don't think people who lose only a % of their weight are failures.  Anyone who loses weight to gain control over their health is a success.  If their lives are healthy, they can breathe, blood pressure is under control, they can sleep without a C-pap, they are no longer diabetic - - they are a success.  Period!  No buts!  I doubt that many of us would say we agreed to have the surgery to be model thin.  That "skinny" version of success is media driven and it screws with our mind (including mine).  Let the size and the weight go.  Only use those numbers as a measuring stick for your health.  Find out what those numbers need to be to keep you healthy and make that your goal - to reach and keep.

Anyone who says that WLS has nothing to do with the mind is wrong.  While the surgery doesn't happen in your brain, if you don't take care of your mind in aftercare the post-WLS life is going to be hard.  You need support of those who have gone before you in addition to your medical team.  Listen.  Learn.  Then build a long term plan that you know you can be successful with and then just live it, but keep in mind that life is bumpy and your plan needs to have some flexability built into it or like a rubber band that is stretched too far, it will fail.  You plans should read like a flow chart with options and flexability and escape hatches. 

IMHO I believe media (like Oprah) only talk about the failures because that is drama.  And lets face it, drama brings ratings...ratings brings advertisers...advertisers bring money. 

Awesome response my darling.  I didn't get to read yours before I wrote mine and I think you are doing such an awesome job of fighting your disease.  Thank you for the support you've offered me and for the work you do to help others.  I did have to laugh though at your reference at the "perfect" word too.  I'm going to do a protein shake now....can you believe it? I think I'm the only post op this far out that's actually drinks the same shake every day for this many years.  (I look at it like a treat)  and I know just how weird that is!
love ya girl, Y

Thanks for posting your story.  I know that took guts, but then I've always known how strong you are. 

I have people all of the time say that since I'm at goal it must be easy for me.  I have people tell me that I'm lucky.  I even have people tell ask me how long I can keep this up.  All of those remarks hurt so I usually just stand there digesting what they've said, trying to rationalize it and find the "safe place" in my head.  I know they didn't mean to hurt me, but it hurts nonetheless.  There is nothing easy about this journey - it continues to be a choice I have to make every single second of ever single day.  There is no luck involved - it is sweat, tears and sometimes it feels like blood, but it is not luck.  And how long can I keep it up?  Like they want to know what date I'll fail so they can buy front row seats to watch!  I will never fail.  Only those who fail to try will be failures.  I try - it's like having a part time job in health and nutrition I try so hard.  But I try, therefore, I will not fail. 

I think it is so important for other WLS patients to understand that health does not require perfectionism.  It just requires a commitment to continue no matter what.  It means I fall off the wagon that I have to climb back on again.  It means when I fall down I have to wipe off my knees, dry the tears and keep on going.  It means that I cannot let a grilled cheese sandwich, a handful of cheetos or anything else be the end of my good health.  It's only the end of the sandwich or the cheetos.  My life goes on.  Tomorrow is another day and I can have as many do-overs as I need.  The trick is to continue believing in yourself and not let those old feelings of defeat and dispair settle so far into your brain that you can't find the top of the wagon or see which way is up when you fall down.  And if or when you do get there, reach out and yell for a buddy to pull you up.  Even if that buddy is only capable of getting you to a group meeting or into a therapists office, there is no need to stay down and quit when there are so many options available for help.

No doubt some of the people i come across think I'm hard core.  Maybe so.  But for me, that's what it takes.  If they need that from me, that's what I'll give.  But I have a soft side, too.  And if they only need an ear, a shoulder, a hug and a hand up then that is what they'll get.  As a personal trainer most of my clients need/want the soft touch so I'm practiced at giving them my Bob side (biggest loser), but when I reach out for help I usually need someone's Jillian's side.  We're all different.  And differences are ok and infact they are preferred otherwise we'd be a pretty boring group.  So I hope I don't scare anyone away.  I'm always here for them.