Cold Feet & Concerns

SORRY THIS IS LONG
Hello I have been a member of OH for a couple of year now and have been trying to have a revision of a 1983 VBG for about four years now. Each time nothing worked always insurance issues. I have been for the past year now jumping threw all the insurance hoops and doing what the surgeons office asked me to do as far as testing and just general things needed to submit to UHC.

Last week I finally turned in my last paper work to the surgeon office and it looks like it is now time to send in the paper work to the insurance company. Everything is now ready to go. So now here it the situation I am in. I think I am getting cold feet. I am sure this is normal to have mixed emotions about have a major surgery, but I have several concerns that I feel are major and I just am not sure I am ready for the surgery.

First concern is that I feel that deep inside of me I am not sure if I can follow the rules. I have had surgery once before and I did not do well. I ate and stretched out my stomach and although the surgery is done better now days then back then, I still know ME. I know that I eat and eat and eat until I am so stuffed and even when I am stuffed my head tells me I want more. I have noticed over the past month that I have even thrown my dinner up at night (only once or twice) due to me eating to many calories and I am trying to lose weight before the surgery. I have lost 58 lbs in the 6 months I have been trying to lose weight. My concern is that once I have the surgery that I will still continue to eat out of control and will stop when full but then eat to much and have to throw it up. This really really frighens me. When I saw the dr to make sure I was ready to have this, he even said to me that he was not so sure that I would not have some problems. That usually a person will go back to their old habits or what they have been use to doing. So that to me is a kind of warning for me. Maybe I truely am not ready to have this done. But if not now when cause I am getting older and older.

That brings me to the next thing. I feel that I will look bad!!! yes I know that sounds terrible, like I am a beauty queen weighing 320lbs. The thing is I have seen people *****ally after the surgery look bad. They just look unhealthy and I have heard people make comments like "so how do you think you will look after the surgery cause some of those people really look bad"
I am 52 years old and although I dont feel 52 I dont want to look like I am 70 due to all the sagging skin. I will not be able to have the skin removed so I will be stuck. I know you are probably thinking lady you are one strange person. Perhaps I am unstable and maybe I should not have this surgery????  I know I have crazy thought from time to time about looking like and old lady, or thinking that I cant do this.

Then I am not so sure I am happy with the surgeon I have picked. I have problems getting them to return my calls on minor issues and it has taken them almost a year to help me get things going. I had a 6 month diet plan with my primary doc and that was not good enough for them. Now they did not charge me to come to them for the 6 months supervised weight plan I just feel like they could have taken the 6 months from my primary but they did not want to do that. Also the dr is out of my network and yet they said they charge the same price as in network as does the hospital.

So with that said I guess I am just feeling like I dont know if I am making the right decison by going forward with this if I am approved. Yet I dont want to stay 300 lbs the rest of my life. Also I think I maybe concerned about the surgery itself and me having a hard time. I seem to have had problems with all the surgeries I have had in the past. I just am not sure what to do???

Sorry to sound so blunt, but I think you know what to do.  The surgery will not work, if you will not work with it.  That is all there is to it.

Follow the rules.  Period.  I had RNY, and I really believe I eat a lot now, but I spread it out.  I eat 5 small meals a day.  And it works.  I maintain my weight.  I try to snack healthy.  Mostly cheese. 

As far as how you will look.  My doc said it perfectly.  Are you having this surgery to look good in a bathing suit, or are you having it to be healthy?

Try to find a substitute for eating.  I find if my hands are busy, I am less likely to eat.  My hardest time is at home.  That is why I am on the computer so much.  Honestly, when I am home, I play internet poker from midnight to 3 AM or so.  Since I am playing a game, I can't get up from the computer to go eat. 

Good luck to you.  You took the first step.  You recognized your problem.  Now it is up to you to take the second step and do something about it.

Hijack!!!

Just saying hello to you and Mary!! Hope you both are doing well!! Hugs to you both!!!

Blessings,

Nina

I don't have time to give a well thought out answer to this right at the moment, but I will come back and reply in detail with my experience.  I am a VBG revision to RNY and completely understand your concerns.  The short story for me is I was 514 in Jan 07 (after my VBG in 1992), had a revision to RNY on Mar 22, 07 and now weigh 260.    I had many of the same concerns before my surgery and have been very plesantly surprised with my life post revision.

I will come back later today and give you more info, or feel free to PM me and we can chat.

Debbi

After reading your post about your concerns for long term success, I have to agree with you.  I don't think you're ready.  It sounds like you are already planning to sabatage the surgery.  I would definately suggest you meet with a psychologist and be HONEST and come up with a plan for success prior to going into this surgery.  It is NOT an easy fix.  You have to work it to be successful and it can even be life threatening if you don't take your vitamins and supplements post-op.  Sorry for the frankness but I'm a "shoot straight" kind of girl.

I'm 54 years old and believe me, I've never looked better (if I must say so myself).  But more importantly I'm gonna be around for a long time thanks to this surgery and the new lease on life it's given me.

I just had my RNY in June '09 and feel better than I have in years.  Although I am a newbie, I wouldn't have changed my mind if I could.  I am so happy I had this done.  I don't care what others think about me or how I look.  I also don't expect to look like a beauty queen when I lose down to my goal weight.  I wasn't one years ago, so I know I won't be then either. 
You have to make up your mind to do what you have to do.  You know you will feel better if you lose the weight.  Post notes all over the house and take before pictures and post them also as a reminder why you are doing this.  Post them all over the frig and cabinets especially to keep you on track.  You have to use the tools to see any results.  There are support groups to help you, the TMB when you feel down, your dr. if you think you are doing wrong. 
Talk to somebody that has been there that can help you. 
But, like somebody else said, it sounds like you are trying to talk yourself out of this before you get started.  You know what you have to do to live a normal life... DO IT...

Its just I have been waiting for this surgery for so long and now that I am just days away from hearing from the insurance company I just seem to be thinking what if what if what if. Its not that I want to think about food 24/7 or that even once I am full I am still thinking about when I can eat again. To me that is not normal and for that reason I am concerned that I will just not be able to stay on course.  I am a strong person and I know that and I do everything I can to follow the rules that are given to me in life but I just have seen a change in me lately that concerns me. Like the throwing up!! Thats not right and I know it.

I guess I am just concerned that deep deep inside of me I will fail and I just cant fail again. But I guess not doing something about my weight after being obese my whole life is failure as well.

Thanks for everyone who has helped. I really do want the surgery and I have been so excited but as I said now that it is getting close I am think what if this or that happens.

I told my husband the other day that in my life I have been limited to so many fun things. The other day he got a new motorcycle trike. Before I would never ride with him due to my size. However he kept saying to me, baby once I get the trike you can ride with me and it will be so nice to have you with me. Well he got the trike and guess what??? You guessed when I am on the back of the trike I take up more than half the bike seat. Then also the bike sits so low due to my weight that we have to be expecially careful when riding that we dont hit any spots in the road that would cause us problems. Once again this all due to my weight. I so want to live and take the weight off am just fearful that I will once again fail as I have so many time in my life with weight loss.  Does that make since?