Shadow People

This is how I feel most of the time.  Are there any others like this here?  I'm not looking for pity or tough love, just an ear.

I’m one of the shadow people who few will ever see,

and only venture outside when I have to.

I’ve been barked at like a dog

and abused in public places

to the sound of people’s snickers as they watched.

 

And you wonder why I chose to stay inside.

I’m a modern day leper, and though I’m not contagious,

I’m too obese to look at, too hideous to view.

Is this a disease?  Or a simple lack of will? 

It doesn’t really matter.  I still hide.

 

I lurk behind the curtain, or the blind that’s partially closed.

I won’t invite you over because then you’ll look at me

and everything good you thought of me will shatter.

Don’t worry, though.  I know I don’t matter…

…or is that the biggest lie of all?

 

No amount of science can erase prejudice

from the general public when I leave home.

It takes too much inner strength to stare them down,

so I remain a shadow person and pray to God for rescue.

Oh, how I pray to God for rescue.

Hugs to you!  You're very courageous to share!  I've felt that way obese and not obese.

I'd venture to guess that millions of people feel this way whether or not they are obese.  People suffer from other life challanges whether physical or mental whereby they find themselves to be "shadow people." 

There are also people who go out day to day and  appear to be totally functioning people but suffer from depression or other physical limitations, personal problems, etc. but want to be a "shadow person" desperately.

I think most people at some point in their lives either are or want to be a "shadow person."

You are not alone and we all should be more aware of "shadow people."

God bless you!

Belle....been there....felt that way and still do at times.   Trust me though....it will GET BETTER !!!!


Hugs and blessings ~~~ Vivian

Belle,
As someone who was SUPER MORBIDLY OBESE ( i was REALLY big) only a year and a half ago, I can tell you these types of feelings WILL go away.  Im not saying they will ALL go away, (at least they havent all gone away for me) but they do diminish with time.  Keep your head up girl.  Take care,

Monica 

Belle,

You have expressed these feelings so beautifully.  And, yes, there are many others like this here.  Even though I've lost 125 pounds, sometimes I still think "What am I, invisible?" 

No pity or tough love here ... just encouragement to put yourself out there.  Yes, a lot of people treat morbidly obese people like less than humans.  But, not everyone.  You just have to look past the jerks and find the people who will see you for yourself.  It is so worth the effort. 

And keep expressing yourself with your writing.  It's truly beautiful.

Hi, everyone.   I'm glad this spoke to you.  This site is the first place I've found where I felt I could 'tell it like it is'; where people would understand the struggle.  Our struggles aren't identical, but we do recognize the fight and the effort in each other.

Thank you for commenting and making me feel so welcome.

Belle


(PS: Vicki, I'm a novelist and lyricist by trade, so writing comes easily for me.)