To all TMB: VOICE

I've been debating on posting a new post since the last one that I had written had some condescending remarks that appeared to be judging me for sharing my experience with my surgeon.  I realize you take what you need and you leave the rest from what posters reply.  A majority of the post are helpful. However, I have always viewed OH and the TMB as a place where you can come and get support, encouragement and understanding and sometimes a kick in the rear-end when needed. We post stories, experiences, questions and helpful tidbits about our journey, life experiences, concerns good or bad, exercise, food choices, and etc. Since my last post I felt judged and like I had to defend myself for sharing or retelling the encounter that I had with my surgeon.  I don't want anyone to ever feel like they are being judged for speaking or writing what they need to. For me, when I was "FAT" I had no voice, I kept everything to myself. I always viewed that I was to blame for whatever was wrong -- even if I did not have anything to do with it. I never gave myself a voice because I feared what people would say, how they would look at me. For the first time, in my weight loss surgery journey and posting this is the way I felt again. I know that many of you will read this and think "why is she posting this" I need to have a voice in letting you all know how helpful I have believed this site to be. I will continue to post my experiences, share my journey and ask for help.  Sometimes, I post about "weight loss" and being stuck-- looking for advice on how to get the stall moving.  For some of you, weight loss journey was about being "healthy"... the reason why I had the surgery, was so that I could be "skinny".  I never thought about "health" in the beginning when I started my journey.  Sounds so stupid. My story in life is that I was always told by EVERYONE in my family that if I could get to 130 I would be "successful, happy, loved, and perfect"... Sometimes, the weight that I am at now (everyone sees as 'skinny') I see as fat. Do I have a long way to go with my "head" yes, I know that! I know that being healthy is what I want and being happy with me is what I need. The number on the scale does not define my successes, happiness, or being loved.  For me, though when I decided to have my surgery it was so that my grandfather (who paid for my surgery, God rest his soul I love this man) could be proud of me before he died. He died 6 months after my surgery, and never saw me as I wanted him to. I know that he loved me, and that he wanted me to lose weight for "health" reasons, but I never heard that-- I always heard the "number". The point of me sharing this part is YES, I post about how to lose more weight... Because at times, I feel like I have failed.  However, writing to you all and getting the feedback helps me get out of my head and in front of my nose. So I thank those who have been helpful in my journey!

I am going to write a book about my life experiences, and journey... It might be a best seller - and I am not ashame to post it here.

I had to speak my peace about the situation that I encountered where I did feel judged for writing my experience.  Thank you for allowing me to speak.

post away.... that is what it is here for...  we all just have to remember that we are free to post whatever..... hopefully more encouragement vs discouragement of any kind... but we have to remember that all are free to post... which means we open ourselves up for comments... good bad ugly indifferent.... sometimes a good kick in the pants is needed, speaking for myself of course...  sometimes we just need to be allowed to vent...    but just as we don't want people to "judge" our comments .. we may be reading judgement in others comments who may not have intended it to feel judgemental....  boy that sounds like a ramble    
sorry

post away, I say

have a great day
Vicki

Jessica.....I want you to know....when I decided to have my WLS.....I too wasn't thinking of health.   I was NOT unhealthy in my book.   I was border line diabetic....and MO....that was ALL !!!  I took NO meds....I was healhy in a sense of the word and yes.....I totally get it with the numbers on the scale.   But as a almost 4 yr post op WLS patient.....I can TELL YOU THIS....you may NEVER see the numbers that you want to see.   I have NOT !!!!   I never reached my goal weight.....I was 1 lb from it after my LBL....but I looked frail......very drawn in the face...and not healthy looking at all.    Although I have NEVER viewed myself as "thin".....others do !!!   I want you to know....what others see.....we don't see the same thing.    Our "lying eyes" are not truthful to us....rely on photos of you to open your eyes.    Happiness and contentment are better than being diss satisfied with our WL journey.   You have done AMAZING and I am sure your grandfather ( rest his soul ) is SO PROUD of you and looking down from heaven with a HUGE SMILE on his face.   You are beautiful inside and out.     We are here for  you !!!  You go girl...oh I didn't recognize you at Stephs party....you look fantastic !!!


Hugs and blessings ~~~ Vivian

I am sorry that you experienced negative feedback on your previous postings.  For all of us going through this weight loss experience, we definitely need to feel that this is a safe place to come for advice, feedback, support.  There may be times when we do need to face constructive feedback that forces us to see something we don't want to, but that feedback should be done with love and compassion.  Not everyone is at the same place mentally, emotionally, or spiritually ...and a lot of us have dealt with judgment all our lives because of our weight.  I'm not saying that we should walk around with a "woe is me" attitude, but definitely all of us should remember the pain many of us have felt from others because of our weight and realize we all have the same goal in the end. 

Love in Christ,
Connie