Friday is the day Mature question

Okay as things get closer my mind is going over some things. I really do not know how to phrase this but how did the surgery impact your relationships? I mean both the physical and the relating to each other. Just found out someone I know had the surgery and she said the marriage went south shortly after both in bedroom and day to day....Please pardon my asking.

Hi -
How is your relationship now?  I had a strong relationship with my husband, who has stuck with me thru thick and thin [literally!] before surgery.  The surgery did not change our relationship, except to make it stronger.  Stronger because I look better and feel better, sex is more comfortable, I have more energy, and because neither of us now worries about my health so much. 

I think a bad marriage, could fail after the surgery.  Your will feel more confident and less likely to accept a mediocre relationship.  You feel [rightly so] that you deserve a happy life.  We deserved that before the surgery, but maybe subconsciously didn't think so.

Friends and family wise - people say the wt lose changed me - it did make me more assertive and made me less accommodating.  Not so much the easy jolly fat person any more.  That can be good and bad.  More selfish in a way.  That can make your close relatives uncomfortable, because you are different.  Friend wise, they don't notice very much.  Be aware that you are going to feel stronger and more concerned about yourself, so you can adjust your actions and words. 

That's an excellent, perceptive answer to the question.

My partner and I were talking about this very subject at dinner last night.  I realized that, no matter how incredibly cute I become as a thin person :), I am already with the person I want to be with forever.  That hasn't changed.  The grass has not become any greener on the other side of the hill.

Conversely, I can imagine how I'd feel if I were still in the rotten relationship I was in 12 years ago, before I met my current partner.  This surgery and its positive effects on my confidence and self-esteem would have helped me end that relationship a lot sooner.  And that would have been a good thing.

So I agree with the conventional wisdom:  If you had a strong, committed relationship pre-op, it should remain that way or even improve.  If not, there is likely to be trouble -- or positive change, depending on your perspective.

Great answer!  As for your comment about being more assertive and less accommodating; I too have gone through this not only with family but with my job.  Having that confidence and not wanting to please everyone is nice, although like you said it can be good and bad.

Fortunately my hubby and I already had a terriffic realtionship so that really wasn't impacted. If anything through all my hiccups since the surgery we have gotten even closer cause we truly realise our time together is precious!
The big difference is I want to go go go and he is more of a stay at homeguy. But now I go places without him if he doesn't feel like going!
As far as physical EVERYTHING is easier!
Meggie

This is a common topic on the SBAAWLS, Sex, board.

If your relationship is good going into surgery then it will be strong coming out.  If there are issues in the relationship then they will become more obvious post op.  Weird I know but seems to be the way it rolls. 

Personally I got divorced eight months after my surgery and four months after the ex-wife's.

As to the physical part - Yowser!  Yowser!  Yowser!

I agree with the others.  If I was still married to the s$#$head I was married to for 20 years, WLS would have ended it in a heartbeat.  My current hubby loved and married me fat and loves me no matter what size I am.  He is just happy I am happy with myself finally and will let him take pictures of me.  As for sex - yep much easier now that my gut doesn't get in the way LOL.

All that being said - it IS a bid adjustment for your partner.  In my case he does all the cooking so he had to learn to cook different meals and smaller portions and not have his feelings hurt because I didn't eat seconds.  He has also had to adjust to me looking a lot different and getting more attention from other men.  He has handled it pretty good so far because he knows how much I love him.  Probably the hardest part for him was getting tired of me talking about my WLS.  Just because my life revolved around it for the first year and it consumed me, doesn't mean he has the same level of interest in it.

You said...."Probably the hardest part for him was getting tired of me talking about my WLS.  Just because my life revolved around it for the first year and it consumed me, doesn't mean he has the same level of interest in it."

DH and I talked about this today. He asked if I realized how many times a day, just out of the blue, I brought up something pertaining to WLS. I wasn't aware of it, at all. But after he brought it to my attention he is right! He's been so supportive so far but you're right, no matter how obsessed I get with it, it's not going to mean the same to him. So I promised myself to be careful about talking about it all the time...not only to him but my friends, too. I'm glad he said something and didn't let me make a pest of myself to everyone!

Probably the hardest part for him was getting tired of me talking about my WLS.  Just because my life revolved around it for the first year and it consumed me, doesn't mean he has the same level of interest in it.

I was fortunate.  My wife and I have both had WLS, so both talk about it a lot.

WLS is a lifestyle change along with possibly a change in how you react and how your significant other reacts.  For instance, you might find yourself with self-esteem and self-confidence that you may not have ever had.  Your significant other might find theirself with insecurites as you begin to look fantastic and you even get "the look" from the opposite sex.  The only thing I can tell you is to be open and communicate.  Some people do experience negative changes and others just positive changes personally and as a couple.  COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE.

As for in the bedroom, that to will change probably.  Shortly after surgery, due to the significant weight loss and hormonal changes you might not want to be intimate at all.  It does (or did) come back for me, cannot remember how long after surgery though.