Dana, Becky, Kathy B, George, and other TMB's.... Thank you!

I want to tell you all THANK YOU for taking the time to post and offer encourgement and support through replying to some of my concerns that were posted under the "Leaving TMB" post from a few days back.

Although, I post more frequently over the past few months then I did at the very beginning of my weight loss journey almost 2 years ago-- I find the SUPPORT even more important now then before. 

At the beginning, we are so focused on the "numbers" on the scale and seeing results instantly that the support I needed was ALL right there. It was in the "black and white"...  I couldn't go wrong, I knew what I was doing right because the scale was moving. I was so confident and independent.  Now that the scale has stopped, it's becoming more difficult. I was a 'success' in my eyes before but now that the not losing, and don't feel like I have maximize my FULL weight loss and feel like I have 'failed'.  I constantly compare myself to others and their progress- AND I KNOW THAT I SHOULDN'T : ) but that is where the surgery fits the 'outter' image but not the mental image. And, I'm working on that and am coming a long way, but YOU all have helped me with being 'accepted'.

As I posted in another post on the "Leaving TMB" post I stated that I fear "rejection" and that I always need to be accepted. However, it is the weirdest thing that in my 'professional' life I don't need that I just do- I am a confident person, independent and etc... However, in my "personaly" life I am insecure, always needing acceptance and approval. I believe the difference is in my 'head', lol. As a child and young adult life I was more judged and criticized by my OWN family, not strangers or friends, on my weight.  (again, I am working on this)... I'm branching out of my comfort zone and wanting to grow. 

I know that we have all felt similiar to what I have posted, but all in their own ways....

I am SO excited about the OH conference in September and attending support groups prior to this... Trusting MYSELF not to be judged by "my own" struggles, but learning to be accepted for ME-- not who I was or who I could be.

Hope this makes sense! :)

Thank you all!!!


*** EDIT TO ADD: One of the hardest struggles for me is that I was only 25 when I had the surgery and now that I am 27, I feel so "novice" like behind all of you in life, and thinking I should know more about stuff.... That is my OWN insecurity... I SELF DOUBT-- although my PROFESSIONAL life, I don't... ***

Thanks Jessica, I sincerely meant what I said, I will PM you my cell number if you want and I'll meet you outside.  Just know that we do care about you, for that matter I care about everyone and I want everyone to feel successful and proud of themselves.

We are all successes, we sometimes focus on our self proclaimed "goal"  (which is a number on the scale and sometimes a size of clothes) to much (including myself);  most of us had WLS to regain our health and that to me is SUCCESS.  The majority of us reached the healthful success that we all wanted and/or prevented health issues from weighing us down in our lives.


I'm working on remembering that and try not to focus to much on the regain I've had.  It is something I need to control and not allow to spiral out of control too.  The balance of what I view as important and what is practical is a thin line sometimes.

Keep working on yourself and believe that you deserve to feel good and proud of your capabilities both professionally and personally, because YOU do.

Jessica, for a while there reading your post I thought maybe I had taken a ambien and I had forgotten that I posted your above post.. Those are the words that I tell all my peeps (they are gonna love this and they will more than likely chime in after I say it).. These skinny, tiney little peeps that I hang out with just kill me.. (NOT THEM ACTUALLY IT'S ME) They are sooooo freaking small.. From Jenn D, Tawyna, Tracey C,  Loralea, and  Jodie... just to name a few.. they all make me feel like a giant. I constantly compare myself to them. I am constantly thinking how big I am compared to them. It had gotten to the point where I was withdrawing from events because I was so depressed when I left them because I always compared myself to them. I wanted to be there size so bad.... I know that they will love me no matter what size I am. I know they will accept me no matter how Little or how much weight I lose. That is how we accept you too. Come as you are.. We love you all the same.. You will find that this group for the most part loves unconditionally.. Hugs to you. I can't wait to meet you..


P.S. I would not give up one single skinny tiney friend I have... I love all of them.

Kathy,  that is even more accurate with how I feel (but again working on it) then how I put it.  I get so 'trapped' in my own head that I do feel depressed when I see myself sitting or standing near someone that I see as skinny minnies... However, I know have a new phrase that I LOVE to use with myself-- "get out of your head and in front of my nose"... The reason being is because my own insecurities (ED) have me believing that I am a failure because I didn't get to where they are with the same WLS. But, I have to know that it's not about "weight" its about me being "healthy" and how far I have come, and will continue to go. I have to accept me for me- not be defined by a number, size or etc. It's all in my head and I am getting out of that and in front of my nose :)

Thanks so much for understanding and helping me see that this is not just "me" who experiences this feeling.

I thought that "weight" loss would make me this WHOLE new person, and believe me it has made me this new 'physical' person but all my insecurities didn't stop that is what I have to work on.

One of the COOLEST things is that I can now stand in a full length mirror and SEE what others see, but if I didn't have a mirror I would feel fat-- I recognize that is "my head" triggers to know that something else is going on... And, where I have to get out of my head and in front of my nose.

KATHY..well..at least now I know why you hang out with ME...lol

WHATEVER!!!!!!!!!!!
If I whine to you about you being so much smaller than me you would just tell me to shut the hell up and suck it up!!!!!!!!!
Those other peeps will usually just say " Oh Kathy"....
I need some of my peeps to tell me how it really it is... That's you.. and I love you for it..

Oh come on, you know it is because both give directions with no street names just Wal-mart and Starbucks as reference points.

well..yea..there is THAT...

"One of the hardest struggles for me is that I was only 25 when I had the surgery and now that I am 27, I feel so "novice" like behind all of you in life,..."

Congratulations for being wise beyond your young years and taking charge of your health NOW and not when you are early 50's like I did!  My ONLY regret is I didn't do this 10, 15, 20 years earlier but it was obviously the right time for me.

I will make a point of finding you in September!!

I can NOT wait to meet you all!

I was stubborn in the beginning as if I was trying to PROVE to my family that "my fat" did not stop me from doing anything, and it was more their problem then mine. I would eat whatever it was that they would tell me not to because I wanted to prove to them something, even though secretly I was regretting what I was doing to myself because I didn't like to be "fat". It's so strange what I would do to "prove to them" that it wasn't all about 'weight'.  It is not until now that I realize that they did not judge me for my weight per se, but they wanted me to be healhty, and all I could hear was I was "fat". In order to have them accept me I believed I had to be skinny. So the negative messages that I heard over and over my head (from my eating disorder, too) was that "I was not acceptable unless I was skinny" which pissed me off but it was feeding my ED. I SHOULD have heard "we love you and care about your health-- we want you to live". 

It was my own insecurities with "fat" that hinder my ability to be accepted for me as a person. 

I am SO thankful that I have been able to go through this experience. :)