Did you have a parent that never approved?

I have dealt with a lot of these issues. 

It's been almost 21 years since I looked my own child in the eyes & promised I would always be there for him no matter what.  And each of my children have me completely.  The cycle won't continue through me.

I've had my own issues with addiction....food as well as other areas.  I am very educated about addiction and the problems that we face as adult children of alcoholics.

I've had therapy off and on throughout my adult life and I really am at a good place with this. 

The resentment I once felt toward my father is not there anymore. 

I don't feel sad for myself as I once did.  I think I'll always feel sad for the little girl that I was, though.  I don't think that will ever go away.

That puts a huge smile on my face.  I am so happy when someone educates themselves about the things that makes our lives unmanageable.  I so understand about feeling sad for the little girl you were. Sometimes I wish I could go back and give my "little girl self" a hug and tell her it's going to all work out.  I'm looking forward to meeting you when I get the  pleasure.
hugs, Y

When I was very young, I would get approval from my parents for eating well. We had the "clean plate club" which encouraged us to overeat. Then when I became a teenager, and started to get a *****unky, all of a sudden the message changed. I would go to the kitchen to get a snack, and my mother would say, "You can't POSSIBLY be hungry!!!!" Of course, that made me want to eat even more.

When I go down to visit them, sometimes I still feel 13.

Don't get me wrong, they were (and are) wonderful people, and wonderful parents. They were doing the best they could with the information they had at the time.

I do believe the "clean plate club" was the reason I became obese.  My step-father grew up extremely poor, his dad died when he was very young and mom had no education.  So wasting food to him was a sin.

I didn't start gaining any weight until my mom and step-dad married and we had to clean the plate.  I do somewhat remember my mom trying to discourage me from eating with comments of "I'm worried about your health" but she never meanly tried to cut me down for eating.  She did acknowledge that my weight gain started when she and step-dad married.

Yep, I was told there were starving children in China and I remember distinctly asking my mom if we could ship them some food.

In Galveston I talked about what I call "WLS Speak"...things we repeat over and over and some may not even be true.  Our parents were told to tell us that to get us to eat.  I had to laugh at a woman that was in the front lobby of the place I use to work and her kids were horrible and were wrecking the area.  She said she used to read Dr. Spock's books on child psychology and now she should use the books to beat them.

Before my mom died from cancer she would tell me that she could see me revert to being 13 when I was around my dad....and he would treat me that way.  Things have changed considerably but that meant that I had to do the changing so that the dynamics began to be different.  I decided that I had to be a grown woman and when I stopped reacting in the old ways, they changed.  I've changed.  I have a long way to go still but I'm working on it.  My dad loves me...he just wanted me to stay his little girl forever because it was definitely when puberty hit that life was over as I knew it for both of us!  Again, both of my parents did the best they could.  I think we should work very hard on improving the future generations and try to stop the insanity of the past.  Again, it's great to see you here Connie.  And for those that don't know, Connie is a very knowledgeable nutritionist.
love ya girl, Y

Y-as I told you duromg our interview on WLS JOURNEYS on WWW.WLSCHANNEL.COM..How'd ya like that shameless plug there???--my mother has never liked the very air I breathe I've never been good enough, smart enough, skinny enough, whatever. I always swore in was, at least in part, because I look like my biological father. If you didn't like his looks, she shouldn't have had 5 kids with him!! They broke up when I was 9..it was a GOOD thing for all concerned. I can vividly recall her frequently saying "You're just like HIM"..and me saying "I'll take that as a COMPLIMENT". I got the GREATEST stepdad ever when I was 11, and he raised us until he died 20 years later. He wasn't a "touchy feely" guy, but I KNEW he loved and accepted me, no matter how I looked or acted. My mother and I co-exist, but we are not close-we take each other in limited doses. Today, at lunch, I ate about 1/4 of what was on my plate. I was "wasting" food. Had I eaten MORE, I would have been "wasting all that money for having THAT surgery". I can't win, but decided long, long ago to stop trying. My mother's mother was WORSE than my mother. I'm doing my dead level best to BREAK THE CYCLE with my boys. When I hear my mother's words come out of my mouth I cringe, then apologize.

My UNCONDITIONAL love and acceptance came from my paternal grandmother, Granny, who died when I was 6 months post op. I miss her so badly it physically hurts. Oh great..now I'm crying as I try to type. Granny loved me no matter how fat I got, no matter how many times I got divorced etc..she just loved me..and I miss that...The only thing close to that I've found since is RIGHT HERE ON THE TMB!!

So...did I answer your question?

Gina, you crack me up. YES that was a great plug.  And for those that may have missed Gina's show it's here!

http://www.weightlosssurgerychannel.com/programs/wls-journey s/wls-journeys-guest-gina-robinson.html/

I really believe we have so much more in common as WLS'ers than we think and I'm working on some really good help for these issues.  I'm sorry you had to hear things like "you're just like him".  That's something a child shouldn't hear.  I can hear you answering though....
Is your bio-dad still living?  Do you ever see him? 
Realizing that your mom's mom was worse should at least make some sense to why she was that way.  Same way with my dad's dad.  He apparently was a real trip.  How awesome that you hear your mom's words coming out of your mouth and you apologize. 

When you said that about your granny.... when your boys have kids I can see you being that same granny.  You already are!  You remind me of the way the only grandmother I knew was.  I know your granny is watching you right now and being so proud of you.  She obviously hung around long enough to see you get started on your journey.  And yep, you definitely answered my question.  I just know we have to educate ourselves and find that solution to stop the critical parent voices.  I know I love you and it's sad that your mom doesn't realize what a beautiful daughter she has....one of the smartest and definitely the funniest I've ever known.  You are a woman of your word and that's a rare find.  Thank you for sharing....it's going to help someone else.
much love, Y

Y-my biological sperm donor dropped of a heart attack about 50yrs ago. the only sad part was seeing my grany cry for your son, and having people tell me "He was such a good man"..WTF..He screwed around, beat my mother, scared all us kids to death, except me. it was ME holding a gun on him that made mom decide it was time to pack up amd move..lol..Iwas only holding the thing...and making a 9 year old mean face cuz he kicked my dog. 

At the cemetary I accidently threw up on his grave. It was August in Waco--and HOT--and my granny wanted his watch and ring. Pawpaw (they were divorced)--said she coudn't have it. You know who...the one with the gun..went to the funeral director...who opened the gasket and got the watch, ring AND eyeglasses...I'd have taken the gold caps off his teeth is she had wanted them. PawPaw was scared to argue with me..imagine that...lil Gina Gayle with a gun...hmmmm...wonder who will play me when they make a movie out of my life...maybe LIZ? Nah...sh'es too pretty!

 

 

 

 

 

i would be honored to play you..
i would only hope to do YOU as well as you do :)_

I've been trying to get back to get caught up on this thread and I'm sure many are ready for me to be done but you know how I am...if you took the time to respond to me, I want to make sure to respond to anyone that was kind enough to post something.

Now...on to business.  Gina you better stop saying someone is too pretty to play you in the movie about your life!  I wish you could see the person I see when I look through my eyes.  I see a BEAUTIFUL woman that has lived a lot of life and helps others finish theirs with dignity.

Even when you talk about serious things you have me rolling on the floor....a 9 year old mean face.  I think you're awesome and I appreciate your ability to say things that need to be said.  I'm always hoping that some of that will rub off on me some day because when I grow up I want to be just like you!