Leaving TMB

Thank you, thank you, thank you sweetie!  I knew you would have the right words to convey what I know I AM trying to say.

My gosh, we have life now; we have health now;  God gave us this chance to LIVE again so why waste is ******g and moaning all day long.  We all get the sniffles sometimes, we have headaches sometimes, we have pains and hurts, we have been through some real CRAP.

I guess what Steph and Lynnette and many of us are saying is.. Put the negative in perspective.  Yeah, i'm down these days.  Got some issues.. but I look at it as ..
My house has burned to the ground and I lost everything, my EX has a very public arrest; I have dealt with cancer and almost died giving birth and on and on.. "  How bad can  (fill in the blank for the moment)  be?
 
I can whine about it and wallow, or I can do something about it.

It's not that we don't want to hear the woes.  We want to support and help.  But if a person doesn't try to change, then how can we continue to support?

Kat, I hope you had permission to post someone's private PM even though you didn't name her.  If she spent Friday night in her hotel eating a protein bar instead of down at the pool with a plate from the buffet then something is wrong.  Like they say - you don't get surgery on your head.

I am sorry you felt rejection at the conference and I hope your next experience is better.

Sarah

Just wanted to add one more thing about the "putting yourself out there". Going up to someone and introducing yourself is *not* putting yourself out there - that is being polite and cordial and nothing more.

When you first mentioned you were ignored at the conference I went to your profile and it was private. You had a picture for an avatar so I had no clue who you were (you fixed that - thanks). I like to read people's profiles because it gives me an insight as to who they are, where they are coming from and what their interests are.

Putting yourself out there means sharing things from your life so others can get to know you even before they meet you in person.  It is more than just congratulating someone on their weight loss. Yes, it is scary, but by doing so you will find people you have something in common with to start building a friendship. You can't expect to be treated the same when you walk up to a group of people who know each other's kid's names, their spouses, what they do for a living, etc. It takes time to build those friendships and it will come in time if you keep sharing yourself so others can find common ground and reach out to you, too.

Sarah
 

thank YOU Sarah... excellent points and let me please add one more thing - since this whole DANG post has bothered me for days on end.

Those of US (I am going say I am included just for the sake of making my point) who are grouped together and seem to not be as outgoing as we should be .. are just as scared and intimidated as anxious as that stranger/newbie.  We are just as worried about rejection as the new person.   That is why businesses and churches and all those places that throw strangers together have 'group building' and intro exercises.  To find a common ground.  That's why there is a time called meet and greet. 

Sometimes we know things about peeps because they have posted on the board about themselves and we 'know' them, we know the face and the story.  But many time we don't.

Now, there is no excuse why anyone would feel the need to sit in their room and eat protein bars.. EVER...  BUT those of US that are NOT ACCEPTING newbies  do not KNOW the newbie if we never knew they were a newbie! Seriously, folks physically change quickly that are on this board!!!

We had a newbie at the dinner and she met Liz and said that she was scared but she wanted to meet people.  Her name is Julie and she met probably 1/2 the folks at the dinner and dozens of hugs. 

Okay I have said enough.  This passive aggressive business just gets under my skin.

Again, thank you Sarah, for 'playing nice in the sandbox' as Jill P would say!

Kat, I was the one you are taliking about - the moving on Sunday was not intentional, when Gina and I arrived at the conference on Sudnay morning, someone else was sitting in our SATURDAY seats. We had no choice but to move. We went into the conference planning to sit with you, but the seats were taken.

Gaye

Kat I TRULY am sorry that you have felt rejection at the conference and get-togethers.  I honestly think part of the problem is that so many of us are "long distance" friends and once we get together our world just involves us.  That is my honest opinion.  It's not done intentionally or with malice, we just need our "Peep time" as we often call it.  I guess it's like going to a class reunion and hanging out with the same gang you hung out with in high school.  Time is short and you want to play "catch-up" with those you know. 

So please forgive us and thank you for bringing this problem to our attention.  I wonder if OH would consider having break-out sessions for the different stages (ie, newbie, 6mo-one year, 1-2 years, "old timers", etc.  That would allow people to be in a room with people that are experiencing the same things as them and also allow for interaction.  They could even have different areas at the meet and greet for people to hang out in.  Just a thought...I'm really trying here. 

Might I also suggest for anyone that feels this way, please jump on the "train" each day.  That is how I've met all these wonderful people.  It's through the train that I learned Sarah is a beekeeper, Gina is a hospice nurse, Dana has 2 boys that run her ragged, Becky is very involved with her church, etc.  It's a wonderful place to get to know people.  Think of it as a daily meet and greet.  I welcome any suggestions that you might have as to how to better include people in our "circle" cuz for me, the more the merrier.

Kat, one last comment - please give us a chance. or should I say more than one. It took me about a year before I was feeling like I had "friends". I feel really bad that I hurt your feeling and will try to make it up to you. I know how you feel and don't want you to reject the support because of me. Gaye

> Added.....my last comment/question on this?  I'm curious...Out of all the things mentioned that
> occurred, was because we didn't put ourselves out there enough?

No, I think it is one factor that played into it.  Another is hyper-sensitivity and reading more into a situation than it warrants.  If you want to keep your life private, then I have the utmost respect for that. 

I know everyone here has dealt with uncomfortable social issues because of their weight.  Like Becky said - we are ALL in the same boat!  I have to go to business functions all the time where I don't know anyone and I am frequently the only woman in the room (I am an engineer).  I was VERY uncomfortable being the FAT WOMAN in the room, not just the only - but I learned to deal with it.  It is much easier now :-)

All this being said, Kat.......... guess what ????  By posting your feelings on the subject YOU HAVE PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE !!!!!  And I can GUARANTEE you won't be ignored next time because now everybody is aware of how you feel and will go overboard to make up for it.  You may wish we would all go away before it is over LOL.

I look forward to meeting you in person in Dallas!

Sarah