Leaving TMB

I feel like I was a more well-rounded person pre-op and that I have lost that person. 

 I need a life outside of this board and away from people who do not know but but think they need to tell me how I should be living my life. 

Sorry but I did feel the need to cut and paste...Jeri actually stated that SHE NEEDED to get away and so therefore no one should be blamed for encouraging her.  Most of us "old timers" have known Jeri for at least 2 years.  During that time we have seen her isolate more and more.  We have been very concerned for her and only desire to help her find some happiness in her life. 

With that being said, I will tell you that I addressed this issue through a PM with her earlier today rather than putting it on the board for everyone to see.  BUT since this can of worms has been opened I will say what has been on my mind and heart for many months.

This board has become TOXIC due to 3-4 people that constantly complain and whine about everything from aches and pains, to finances, to bad relationships with their kids, to just about anything you can think of.  I, for one, am so sick and tired of the negativity I can't stand it.   I would ask each and everyone of you to LOOK at what you have posted recently and see if maybe I'm talking about YOU.  I challenge us to TRY very hard to post positive things each day and to look at all the GOOD things life has to offer.  I'm so sorry that this post has taken on a life of it's own but I really think this all stems from MONTHS of negativity that has pushed people to the breaking point.  I've had so many people tell me the reason they don't come here anymore is cuz of all the griping and complaining.  Only WE can make this a great site once again so please let's all try to be there for each other.

Wow. Steph. I couldn't really put a finger on why I've not been around much, other than the fact I'm mega-busy, but you've totally hit the nail on the head.  I have a policy about relationships, that if someone/something/whatever doesn't make me happy more than 50% of the time, I choose not to expend my limited emotional energy on it.

Additionally, I'll be honest.  I check in almost daily, but choose not to post if I don't have anything new or positive to add to the discussion.  My attitude is a CHOICE, and if I'm having a bad day, I refuse to infect anyone else with that attitude.  Venting about a temporary situation for a short time is good for people. However, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.  

Life is hard. It's cool to be sad or upset, so wallow in it for a minute, have your catharsis,  and get a new plan, try someting else, and see if the results are different.

I also have no patience for manufactured drama. Real drama is bad enough, and once you've had real drama, everything else pales in comparison.  Lose a family member, lose a job, etc, then compare it to all the little BS things and see where it falls.

Ok, I've written a novel.  Like it is with most other organizations, You get out what you put in, and everything is cyclical.

Lotta history here, Lorelei.

Jeri

WLS does consume my life and thats the way I want it......I konw things may change in time, but apparently what I was doing previously wasn't working...maybe this support group will..

I for one have had alot of fun with this crazy group of friends on here.

I have a family member  that has had WLS and they just act like they've never had it.  They dont' get involved with WLSers or any support groups and I think that she is failing this surgery because of NO support and the only people she is around are her kids which are 22 and 20ish - give or take and they are all for themself !!   She doesn't have access to computer or on-line support and the only people she really  socializes with is her mother (my aunt) and her brother and sister mostly on the weekends........she really doesn't know what she is missing.

I didn't have the OH boards when I had my surgery because I didn't know about it. I was almost 2 months out when I learned of OH.  My first group function was at a Christmas dinner and from that point on.......THIS IS MY LIFE.          If I don't surround myself with people that get this surgery or know about this surgery - I tend to forget the rules.........the plan.........where I was and where I am at now..........I am dating a guy right now that is overweight and it just seems that we are eating OUT at massive places always.....and I'm forgetting what I can NOT and not suppose to eat...........I mentioned this too him and from now on.........even though we go out to eat.....I am going to eat a LITLE bit..............NOT what I want to eat....................he's afraid that I won't get enough the same mind set we had BEFORE surgery....eat until that heart is content...not until we are full !! 

I guess what I am saying is that I hope you don't rid yourself of OH.  Like others have said - maybe go find another group of online friends......whatever to keep yourself on track.

THINK POSITIVE - IF NOT - YOU WILL ALWAYS FEEL DOWN AND OUT....BEEN THERE DONE THAT MYSELF..........I was away from OH for about a month not too long ago back.

Good luck to you and you have my email if you need me.

Ah Ms Jeri, what can I say, other than I am sorry to see you leave, especially in anger or at least being disgusted with what you have seen recently on the boards.  This place has been God Sent for me and you were a big part of helping me through the surgery and the initial few months post op.  I am sorry that you feel that you need to get away from the TMB, but I understand and accept that you feel like that.  I have read what the others have posted and have to concur with many of their statements.  You have to take what you need from the TMB and leave the rest.  We can't be the be all and end all to everyone's needs.  I haven't been here as much as I used to, that being due to my move and the distance it posed for me, both literally and figuratively.  I am still VERY connected to the TMB and the folks who post here have "saved" my life more than once.  I still need to be and will be a big part of the TMB as they are a major part of my new life.  You have shared many, many things with me that I have taken to heart and learned from them, I have to thank you for that.  I hope that, in time, you will be able to rejoin our little community.  I wish you well in your future endeavors and hope that you find what you need where ever you go.  Just remember that we are here for you and always will be if you need us. 

I wish you peace and love,
Hugs, Mare

Ok, I must have missed something really big here. 

I was concerned when you started working from home, I think you need more interaction with people.  You have handled that well, glad I kept my mouth shut.

I will only say this,  I would not have had anyone to talk to if OH and the TMB had not been around when Tom's surgery went south.  There are people here who held me up and cheered me on.  They still do to this very day with decisions I have to make that will change the course of my life.

I remember the first DFW dinner I took Tom to.  Everyone was so happy to actually see him he was covered in hugs and kisses.  He sat quietly and thanked everyone who prayed for him, he had no clue who anyone other than Gina and Charlene were.  He looked around that room and said to me, "Thank God we had surgery or we never would have known these wonderful people."  Out of the mouths of babes.

Ask for help, complain, but always look for the good in people and try to celebrate everyday of your life.

Que,
Your reply of all of these really made me tear up...It made me remember those times back when we were all on our hands and knees begging God to help Tom...even my husband would ask...hey hows Tom? And it was like seeing a walking miracle the first time I actually met him...I just looked at  him and said...amazing....And look at how many lives YOU have blessed since then. Just had to tell you how special you are....

Jeri,
I don't know what to say. I am sorry you are feeling bad and hope things work out for you...this post seems to have a life of its own here now and is hardly even aimed at you anymore. Take care of Jeri and don't worry about it all.....

WOW!  I guess I started this **** storm trying to offer support, which obviously was taken out of context.  I have a post out on another WLS related board and some of the answers I got I'm sure were meant to be helpful, but they kind of pissed me off, so I can understand where you are coming from.   But those people and their responses didn't upset me because I asked "can anyone relate?"  I fully expected to get a wide variety of views and advice.  I took it with a grain of salt and thanked everyone for their response - the good, the bad and the ugly.

Jeri - feel free to block me if you wish.  I have appreciated the support you've offered me over the last 11 months, the WOW's and WooHoo's you've celebrated with me.

On my flight from DFW to PHL I was reading a magazine.  Liv Tyler was interviewed and one of the quotes is " There is no such thing as the perfectly beautiful face.  True beauty comes from having happiness in your life."  (InStyle June 2009 page 135).

I think that the word FACE could be substituted with the word LIFE.  I hope you can somehow find the beauty in your life.

I stand by my original advice to you and stand 100% behind others that have posted before me here on this thread.  Life is what you make it - if you choose to make it all about WLS, it will be all about WLS.  If you choose to make it all about LIFE, all aspects of life, it will be the beautiful life you (and all of us) deserve so very much.

Go forth and be happy. Whether you choose to remain an active member of the TMB or not, I wish you luck in finding your "passion".

Jodie

Kat;

I'm sorry you feel like you haven't been embraced at the events you've attended. I don't think I've been at any of those events and if I was, I wouldn't have known you were there unless you came up and introduced yourself. It helps people feel like they know you when they see your face with your posts. I know it sometimes crosses a comfort zone to put your image out there, but it makes a world of difference. I was a very active member of the TMB for 18 months and had gotten a new tattoo on my foot. I changed my avatar to my new ink around the time of the Austin conference nearly 2 years ago. When I got there, people didn't really know who I was because they weren't seeing my face anymore. My point in sharing this is even if you've been active, but take your face down, people forget. We live in a media rich society and unless people are continually bombarded with an image, they don't retain information.

So, please consider changing your avatar to your photo. And don't give up on the events.