Leaving TMB

Jeri, i hope u can find what you need. good luck to you. vick

I debated on whether or not to post because I don't really have anything to say that hasn't already been said by the others.   I have only been around OH for about a year and as there is with any board you will find drama, unsolicited advice those that make a dramatic exit, and those that just quietly disappear.  I do believe you get back what you put into something... whether it be a board or anything else.   You take what you can you use and leave the rest... it's a choice.  For me OH meets part of my needs as I get information and support from people who understand what I'm going through.  However,  I also attend a support group  and conferences when they are offered.   I have attended 3 since surgery and will be attending 2 more towards the end of the summer.  As I matter of fact I met one of my closest friends at an OH event as I was ending a friendship with someone who was not supportive of my WLS.   I am a firm believer that when one door closes another one opens...  I hope you find your door to open!  I wish you the very best and hope that will find your way back to TMB when the time is right for you.

As someone who was not part of this original discussion but read it all at once, I have to say I can see why Jeri is upset.

She posted a rather intriguing thread today about how the post-WLS regime tends to take over one's life, asking, Does anyone else get tired of that?

Her question was met with a lot of people saying [yes, I am paraphrasing]:  "Jeri, you loser, you just need to get out of the house and get a life!"  But she wasn't asking how to get a life.  I think she was asking how to contain the post-op part of herself -- put it into a box, so to speak -- in order to focus better on the OTHER parts of her life.  Sounded like a valid, insightful question to me.  A few people, to their credit, gave thoughtful answers to the actual question she asked.  However, I can see how she was rather insulted by the rest of the responders, who told her she simply needed to get the hell out of the house and find something to do with her time.

It's unfortunate that Jeri reacted by announcing that she is chucking TMB altogether.  Yes, that was melodramatic of her.  But it seemed to give a lot of you a reason to either condescend to her further and/or tell her not to let the door hit her on the way out, instead of making more of an effort to ask yourselves why her feelings were so obviously hurt.

WOW.. I have sat here and I cut and paste Jeri's QUESTIONS. that she asked of us.. Then I told myself.. why go off and be a ***** So, I deleted that response that I was going to put up here. I think if I wanted to be that way.. I should go to the R & R board. We CAN answer Jeri in those ways with those words because she posts and or starts the train every single day,  for I don't know how long maybe a year.  You really get to know people when they post almost every sinlge day. So, I do feel we could answer her in point blank words. We did not tell her to go else where or don't let the door hit her in the ass on the way out.  She already went on Face Book and apologized.  Being on this board for a while now.. I can tell you it is not the first time she has said she is leaving the TMB. I wonder if people would be happier if we just didn't respond to the post at
all.??? If this post was on the R&R it would have been dealt with in a way you can not imagine. If I would have gotten on here and said I am leaving the board... For one Gina would have told me to shut the hell up, knock it off, and snap out of it.. But, WE DID NOT HANDLE IT THAT WAY..  (sorry Gina you were the first one to come to mind) Hugs..

I don't think the R&R is exactly what you think it is.

I PM'd you Nurse Sharyn...

I agree, once you really get to know some of those folks, it's really a great family just like the TMB can be.  Sure it can get dicey but where doesn't it.  I lurked for a long time myself and posted once or two shortly after it was created.  I think when I looked a while back to see when it was in Feburary of the year the board was created.

I enjoy it, get ranchy with the best of them sometimes but also there to support my friends, laugh, cry and just be me

Ok I'm stepping out on a limb here, and maybe I shouldn't BUT it's me and I can't shut my mouth or stop my fingers.  When you ask for what others believe will help then you have to be prepared for anything.  I believe that Jodi was telling Jeri what she sees as a problem Jeri faces.   Jeri has experienced some depressive periods I believe before surgery and it's compounded after surgery.  Jeri being home alone allot of time some of us feel is making her situation more emotional and desperate.  I don't feel Jodi's  intent was to make Jeri upset.  It was trying to get her out and meeting people, to make her feel better about herself.  Shutting yourself away isn't conducive to feeling good about yourself.

I essentially said the same thing but in different words.  We've met Jeri and talked to her IRL and  through PMs and understand where she is, she needs to feel accepted and loved and she needs that with real people.  She isn't getting that staying home.  Jeri accepted what I said, it was just a matter of how the post was stated.

I understand where she feels consumed with WLS, I do too almost daily but I either have to deal with it or waddle in self destruction, I'm not going to allow myself to withdraw because of it.  WLS is consuming sometimes and regain is something many of us fear.  I bet the majority of us didn't realize that once the high point of losing weight stopped, life is still going to be tough.  Maintence after the high is one of the toughest situations we'll deal with.

Life isn't easy, it's tough and sometimes tough love is what each of us need.  If you ONLY want to hear certain things then it isn't in your best interest to post it to a message board with allot of people that aren't going to sugar coat the situation or pat you on the back and say what you want to hear.

umm.. yeah.. let me see..

She asked a question and we answered.. she vented and we agreed that it's tough.. BUT our big mistake was to give support and possible ways that this might not have to suck so much for her.   And unfortunately, it involved possibly making some changes. 

I know I agreed, as did a few other that they too were struggling.  We also said that we hoped to find a way to do it.  We also stated how we thought we could do it.  I also stated that how I keep my WLS from the rest of my life is to get out of the house..

And why was she hurt?  Honestly, I WAS HURT.  I gave of myself as did the others and we tried to support and help, and we get "I"m angry, I"m leaving".   How does that make US feel?  Her feelings were hurt because she did not hear what she wanted to hear.  And my feelings were hurt because I put myself out there and made an effort to post how I was feeling about the same topic, and what happened to me?  hmmm........ I'm still here.

and if we ever said, "Jeri, you are a loser, you just need to get out of the house and get a life", I sure would like to see it.

this very same topic came up a few weeks ago and it was contructively and positively talked through. No hurt feelings, just positive suggestions that anyone can take to heart.. or not.

Amen.  I"m done.