Poll: To tell or not to tell?

Kathryn, I had open RNY five months ago today, have lost 100 pounds, and my mother still doesn't know! She's a retired nurse and would have worried herself to death. (The rest of my family knows and agreed to keep the secret from mother 'cause they know her just as well as I do.) She knows I had my gallbladder out (which was true) and that I had some exploratory surgery (true also) but she doesn't know about the gastric bypass. My mother is just one of those people who looks for the dark side of things and I knew that her negativity wasn't what I needed as a pre-op and especially as a post-op. She knows I started Atkins before my surgery and have continued it ever since. (true) She is delighted with my weight loss and a big cheerleader when it comes to my exercise regimen whi*****ludes Curves, running, and a stationary bike. I have never lied to her. If she were to come right out and say, "What ELSE did you have?" I'd be in a spot, but she has no reason to say that 'cause I haven't been secretive...just choosy about the details I share with her. When people ask me what I've done to lose the weight I tell them the truth. I've drastically changed the way I eat and I've made a committment to exercise. All true. If I get to know the person and the conversation gets more detailed, then I *might* tell them about the RNY...depends on the situation. If it is an obese person who is genuinly interested and the topic comes up, then yes I would probably say something. Sandra 317/217/175 Open RNY 10/17/03

Hey Kathryn, I am pretty young, and attend college so I got alot of flack from everyone about doing this at first. I didn't plan on telling anyone but my boss, professors and close friends but it turned out I told everyone. I have gotten the good and bad, but everyone, especially the people at school has been so supportive. The day after my surgery, I had something like 20 people calling me. I was so glad that I decided to tell everyone. It has been great for support. I think you should let everyone know, because I have actually encouraged my friends to look into it. But it's all up to you! April

Hi Kathryn, I am having my surgery 2 weeks from today and I have told everyone I know because I am so happy about it! WHOA big mistake!! I have received a lot of negative response because of ignorance to WLS. My relationships have already changed with people. If I could go back I would have kept this to myself until afterwards. I am already under enough stress and pressure trying to get ready for the surgery, that I dont need people that have always been thin telling me that they are scared and nervous for me because of all of the bad things they have heard about the surgery! I know most of these people are just scared becuase it is a major surgery, but it hasn't helped me at all. Also I think some people are expecting too much. I have this one co-worker who is a really good friend outside of work as well and he makes comments about me being in a bikini this summer!!! OMG! I mean come on, I will never be in a bikini! Trust me! Anyway, my opinion is to keep it to yourself until afterwards, but really you have to judge for yourself! Good luck with everything! I wish you all the best! -Julie

I'm telling only men.. That way when their women leave them for me they will know why.. LMAO J/K Honestly I have told my close friends and some of my students. They ask about it. As for my family my mom was a normal mom and worried about it but my brothers were like "whatever helps you be here longer" I am just ready to become a big loser....

Hi Kathryn. I told everybody--but then, that's who I am. I can't keep my big mouth shut. Plus I wanted to "make that verbal commitment" so I'd go through with it. In fact, I had to stop talking about it because it took me a long time to get my surgery and I was wearing people out with my yakkity yakking. I also told everyone that dieting doesn't work--I'm a testimony to that. I think this is really individual though. Those people who look on the negative side and try to find the thunderstorms in every cloud probably shouldn't know. Good luck on your journey. Hugs from Linda

You are the most helpful people in the world. THANK YOU for your candor and ideas. I loved hearing not only what you chose to do, but WHY you chose it. I knew I'd get some great ideas, and I have - and look forward to other folks sharing their thoughts as well! I've still got time to decide and will think and pray about my options. I truly appreciate everything you have shared. I love hearing from you folks! Thanks so much, Kathryn

Kathryn......I told EVERYBODY.... I had no shame in what I decided to do... Yes, I had a few bad responses like, You can do it by exercising and eating less....Now come on if it was that easy I wouldn't need the surgery right? I just got well educated about the procedure and explained it to the people that were negative....Today everybody looks at me and says "WOW" you look GREAT....I couldn't feel prouder... As for me telling everybody I feel like maybe I can help that one person that might be looking into this surgery and I can let them know my story how everything went for me. If I can help anyone out that is MO I would love to sit and tell my story.....But, again this is all up to you how you choose to handle it.....Good Luck!!!! You'll do Fine... Hugs, Grace -85

I tell everyone.....because I am so proud of myself for finally taking charge of something in and about my life. Maureeniiiieee

Kathryn, I think you should share only with those that you can count on for a positive reaction, which is why my mother doesn't know about my upcoming surgery (Mon Mar 22nd) and my younger sister's surgery which was Nov 25th. Sis told Mom she had her gall bladder out, which is true. Unfortunately, I had mine out 14 years ago under emergency cir****tances, so I can't use that excuse. Good luck and remember, we never really know someone, 'til we travel in their shoes. Barbara Lucinda

It's funny because people like my co-workers and etc. are like don't do that, you're not that big and it''s to drastic. But on the other hand the people that I'm the closest to are like go for it, you have to do what makes you happy!