Poll: To tell or not to tell?

Hi folks, Trying to decide how to handle telling people about the weight loss when it starts happening (hello, haven't even had consultation yet, but getting excited about the future!). Two friends of mine have had WLS. One was very forthcoming and told everyone about it; the other told very few people and still not many people know. She does say that she is eating differently because she got her gallbladder out, which she did along with the surgery. She's lost over 130 lbs in 11 mos, and the other friend has lost nearly as much. So both get asked frequently, "How did you do it?" I know that telling people means that I will run into lots of discrimination, most of which is based on lack of information about WLS. I know what that's like, because when these friends had their surgeries, I was not considering the surgery for myself and was thinking, "Good for them, but I could never do it." For starters, the mortality rate scared me, as well as thinking that you only get a thimble-sized portion of food for the rest of your life. Research -- and hearing so much from you guys! -- helped me understand the post-WLS life better and addressed all of my misconceptions. So in all fairness, I know where people are coming from when they have preconceived notions. Some of my friends already know, and I can trust them, but I think that for me, I might need to have the "all or nothing" approach. Just not wanting to deal with the backlash from well-meaning, yet uninformed, people who care about me. Sorry for the long post but I am just really puzzled about this. Great thing to be puzzled about! What have you chosen to tell or not tell, and why? THANKS friends! Kathryn

Kathryn - I am the "question of the day lady" and i asked this same question a few weeks ago and got a lot of great responses. Personally for me I have told my immediate family (there was really no way around it cause I am a "see my family everyday" kind of person and when i wasnt around, questions arouse and i had to tell them the truth) as for friends.. i have chosen only few and since i have the lapband my weightloss is slower so its not such a big hit to people as RNY would be(did that make sense?) - ultimately this is something that you need to chose for yourself and anyway.. whose to say that when asked you can't tell people that you are eating healthier or exercising??? (it wouldnt be a lie, just not telling the full story) adriana

Hi Kathryn. Girl, I TELL EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't care who knows and honestly, I've only had ONE person say something about it being the "easy way" and that wasn't even meant to be ugly. I didn't tell a lot of people about it before - well, my entire family (which is huge) and most of my friends and co-workers knew. But now, I just tell everyone when they ask how I'm losing weight so fast. I'm proud of the fact that I had the courage to do this. It takes a LOT of guts (pun totally intended) to do this surgery - but mainly to live with it after it's been done. Not an easy life style for sure, but a hell of a lot easier than living life being morbidly obese. Cheryl

Hi Kathryn, I went into this not telling anyone but close friends. I was afraid to let it be known at work since during my journey I had to switch jobs (because of reduction in force) and I didn't want my new bosses to know I would be out so soon after they hired me. I told them that I had to have surgery once I got my date, but didn't tell them what I was having done. Once I got back to work, I told them and they were fine with it. I also pretty much told anyone and everyone once I returned back to work, but lately, I found myself being choosy about who I tell. I can't tell you why, but when asked "how did you do it?", depending on how well I know them, I either tell them about the surgery or "I changed the way I eat". I think alot of it was because I kept hearing "but you weren't big enough!" well yea, I was. I just carried my weight all over my body but after the 4th time I was asked "when are you due?" I just had had enough. I hid my weight well is what I think now. Anyway. I just wanted to share my story. I think you should play it by ear on if you tell or not. I will tell you, I didn't get any of the negative comments - not once! I now have a boss that is beginning her journey to have the surgery. And to think I didn't want to tell her! hugs Ellie

I wouldn't tell till after the event. then go for it .... my opinion. Maybe very close friends but be careful ... so much negative talk isn't fun and a big downer. If you wait till after surgery then you wont have to "explain WHY are you doing this to yourself" a thousand times. (just my opinion) deb 260/154/140

I only told my hubby and a few close relatives before surgery, but after, I tell EVERYONE!!!! I even saw my ex-boyfriend and his parents yesterday(quite an awkward moment since I almost married the guy) and his mom said "wow you look great! How did you do it?" I just told her, I had surgery. I am very proud of it. It gave me my life back.

Kathryn, I am now 2 weeks and 2 days post op. I hadn't announced to the world that I was going to do this. I just told family, close friends, and people at work. Everyone I did tell has been super supportive and have congratulated me on this step. But last Sunday that was all taken out of my hands at church. I am the organist at my church and of course people see me all the time. My pastor, who is MO himself and has been very supportive of me, announced to the whole congregation that I had the surgery, and they would be seeing less of me! It probably would have been better if he had asked me first, but I guess that saved me from answering questions in the future about how I was losing the weight. I was thinking to myself though that I don't believe I will ever share with him if I have a boil on my butt! Dot E. Fort Worth

Kathryn, I pick and choose who I tell what to. I teach at a junior high. I was very forthcoming with all of my co-workers prior to having the surgery. These are people that I'm invested in and I wanted to make sure they knew what was going on. The students at school have now started asking. I'm a little more guarded in my answers. As for other people, my answer usually depends on the level of interaction I will have with the person. For example, the cashier at the grocery store... she asked me how I had lost so much weight... my answer "low carb". If it's anyone that I have any kind of relationship with.. I give them the whole story. Jackie

Kathryn, I have been VERY selective who I tell...well within my friend circle. I told my entire class on the first day of school that I had it, even though I didn't know any of them! I have only told about 4 friends that I had the surgery and of course my family. Part of why I don't tell people is because it can change the dynamic of the relationship! I dunno. Cassie

Hey Kathryn! I am on the "tell everyone" side! I live in a small town and am very active in the community and in my church. I work for a satellite campus of a community college in my town and just basically know LOTS of people and run into people I know everywhere I go. As you probably know, small towns are tremendous rumor-mills and I figured that if I didn't tell everyone, the rumor that I was dying of cancer would be everywhere as soon as I lost an appreciable amount of weight. The response has been wonderful. The director of our campus came by yesterday and said that I just wouldn't believe how many people have been checking with her to see how I am doing. It feels wonderful to know that so many people care! Also, I am hoping that by being "out there" with the information, perhaps I can elicit some information from other MO people in town who don't know how to start in getting information about this life-saving surgery. Charlotte