Ever feel like you've made 2 steps forward and 1 back?

Marilyn just wanted to thank you for this post. If we all stand back and appreciate this discussion for the stimulating conversation it has promoted. This is what has made this board interesting and informative. Looking in as someone that is considering WLS this gives another snap shot of the trials that you can encounter. Emotion and being compassionate about what we each believe in brings the big picture into focus. We never know who we help pro or con in their quest for information. Thanks for putting the subject out there and putting yourself out there! C'ya Bob

Marilyn,
It seems you are struggling with the same things over and over. I believe the only way you will get past it is to find some professional help. I don't know what your insurance coverage is like but I do know that Peninsula outpatient in Sevierville charges based on a sliding scale for those who don't have coverage for that type of service. Knowing myself as well as I do,I would never have started this process without some psychological back up. I really hope you will work out some therapy no matter what is takes.
Good luck.
Karen

Good post, Marilyn!  The responses have been really great, too.  I like the balance of sunshine and rainbows and tough love.  

You are not the only person struggling today.  You've actually helped me suck it up and get over my drooling . . . I bought cookies (6 dozen) for a meeting we are having tonight.  I've already had about 5.  They're sitting across the room from me and are calling my name.  I have them in the grocery store bag under a big bowl and I'm STILL thinking about them.

Just because I can doesn't mean I should.  

I mean come on, I am stronger than a box of cookies.  Plus, they're not even that good.  Ya know?  I might have another few at dinner tonight, but until then, NO MORE.  It is and will always be a constant struggle.  My head hunger is quite the chatty Cathy and I seriously wish she'd get laryngitis!  

However, I am pleased to realize that I've really done good at limiting my snacking the past few months and keeping good snacks (like protein bars) at my desk to turn to when I'm hungry.  That and my jug of Crystal Light.

In terms of suggestions, just keep the trigger foods out of the house as best you can.  I know it's got to be hard having your husband there.  But Mel's right in that low fat or sugar free doesn't equate with calorie free.  Maybe try writing down everything, including the calories and nutritional break down.  Maybe when you see how much that all adds up to, it may make you think twice about grabbing another cookie.

I know it is for me today.  Stupid, stinking cookies.    (like it's THEIR fault!)

Hang in there, and you are NOT allowed to leave the board, so there!
Denise

Honestly, we should just start the posts by everyone saying, "My name is (fill in the blank) and I'm a food-a-holic."  We all had some major issues with food.  I refer to mine as a love/hate relationship.  I loved it, but it hated me.  It made me feel good for awhile but it was like a fair weathered friend who just treated me kindly when it wanted.  Or better yet, it was a backstabbing friend who acted like they loved me to my face...  yet behind my back, they were hurting me...  causing my weight gain, creating more of a dependency upon it... oh just all sorts of scenarios could be made here....  but you know what I mean. 

I was speaking with a body builder recently who was once overweight.  He said a nutritionist looked him in the eye and said, "Food is not making you fat.  It's your relationship with food and what type of foods you eat."  He said that changed his eating and he dropped down to 90 lbs.  Yes, he went too far the other way, but he was determined to break his codependency on food, and determined to stop choosing the incorrect foods.  I thought he was quite an interesting fellow.  Who would have thought that we, formerly obese and a wls patient, would have anything in common with this hulk of a man, a weight lifter...  by first appearances, I thought perhaps none.  I was wrong in my judgment.

Many of us do struggle, are struggling with foods.  I know that I cannot bring certain foods, or make certain recipes at the house.  I cannot control myself.  It's like there is no shut off valve geared in my head that says "stop eating at one."  Instead, I have eaten until it was gone.  Not all of it in one day, mind you, but I would have one every few hours, then the next day carry out the behavior, then the next... till suddenly the pan of sugar free brownies were gone.  I haven't tried these types of recipes often because I know its a trigger for me.  I don't own a red EASY button like Staples advertises.  I don't let these foods find their way into the house...  moderation isn't a thing that most of us have conquered.... 

"I am stronger than a box of cookies..."  loved that statement!  Mine would be:  "I want to be stronger than sugar free peanut butter cookies."  Or, "I want to be stronger than a pan of sugar free brownies."  But, I just can't have them around, for the reality is, I've got a food problem and the best way for me to control my problem is to stay clear, just as alcoholics stay clear of the local bar and/or liquor store... 

 

 Ding, ding, ding!  You may not have an Easy Button, Mel, but your bell is ringing loud and clear.  

I didn't even realize how much I had improved my general snacking habit (un-habit these days****il these stupid cookies and Marilyn's post.  So that's a good perspective reminder.

Chatty Cathy Head Hunger Girl is always right there, waiting for a quiet moment to squish the bit of moderation I had trained into myself out of me.  Moderation is not my forte.  Not yet.  So like you, I am going to have to keep the triggers out of the house.  It's just easier that way.

Some people are good at buying it and rationing.  I'm not, and I know it.  Some people can buy it and then dump ketchup or salt on their ice cream to make themselves not it eat it.  I'm not good with being wasteful that way.  I have to keep it out of the house to be free of it!

I AM a food-a-holic and I just have to retrain myself.  Bad stuff is not allowed in the house or in my desk.  Just that simple.  Set my environment up for success, not failure.  Outside that I cannot control things, but in my little world I have all the control, especially the choices I make.  To buy or not to buy!

I cannot make popcorn old school style (oil in a pan, so yummy) if I do not have popcorn seeds in the house.  I cannot bake brownies if I don't have the stuff on hand to do so.  I've even found stuff that I have eaten and loved for years lately, like spaghetti or ribs, that I just don't care for as much. It makes me feel like crap, all GERD-y and stomach-heavy.  

Like the weightlifter and his relationship with food, I'm coming to realize that some of my "best" relationships are not nearly as glorious as I thought they were.  In fantasy land for me, I kind of exaggerate the good while minimizing the bad.

My dear spaghetti, you are tasty, but not worth the acidic heaviness you bring on just an hour later.  You're tasty but you're not THAT tasty. I loved you, but we're simply not meant to be anymore.  I'll see you around, maybe in a restaurant someday.  I'll just smile and wave and fondly remember our time together.  And order the grilled chicken instead.

 Mel--you are stronger than SF peanut butter cookies!  And if in doubt and they actually sneak up on you, just run over them with your car to show them who's boss!