Ever feel like you've made 2 steps forward and 1 back?

Ya know Hon, I was just talk'n to a dear friend that shares in our disability to handle food this morn. And with the same affort that you have. I have only 27 more to loose. But they don't want to come off. But I am tak'n one day at a time. That is what she told me, We also have to stop and thank what else do we have go'n on in our lives , are they perfect, or are we do'n as I know I do, whenever I'd have a bad day before I'd graze.  Alittle here and there, now it's just a bite here and bite there, but ya know I've seen other and heard others make comments that they don't have that at thier homes, but I'm here to tell ya, that when your stressed and you have keys you will travel, just as you did before, you have to side track like pretty colors, in a different direction. I don't thank that anyone should ever be cruel or rough in the way that they suggest how or what should go into their mouth. We have to remember that each hospital and Doctor is different in the way that they have their nut. charts  and food allowances. We cannot make ourselves the food police. We must show love and compansion. You get more with honey then you do with vinegar. I'm not meaning to sound rough but please, you don't beat someone up when they are down, you don't want it done  to you.  It hurts!!!!

I put this out there knowing that some of you would beat up on me.  That is ok, I deserve it.  At the same time, I think that when any one on this board is struggling with a problem related to their WLS or food addiction, we need to be there for them.  If I struggle more than others, please forgive me. But, I honestly don't believe that I struggle more than any of the rest of you.  I just think I am more honest about it.  I have thought for the last year that this was a support group-one to take the place of the one that I don't have here in my hometown.  I hope it IS more than a "Congrats on your surgery date" "Congrats on your surgery" "Feel better soon" site.  We need more than that if we are going to lick this problem.  We would not all have gotten to be morbidly obese if this wasn't a psychological as well as physical problem.  I, personally, would love to go to counseling, but while I am off work, I cannot afford a $2500 co pay for outpatient behavioral health. So, that is not an option. And, yes, I do make sugar free desserts for special occasions.   You know what, I can see that ya'll are just tired of me.

Well let's start backwards and work through this. 
 First I don't believe anyone here is tired of you, but we would be disappointed if you just quit coming for help and or support. 
 As you know if you participate in this forum from time to time being this is the written word  with out the benefit of expression things written can seem mean spirited.
This is where we need to remember that these are the same people that lifted us up when we were down.
I think you understand where you stand emotionally and as Trina said you keep fighting through each problem that comes your way.
 Although I do believe in the tough love kinda of approach, as Melinda said. 
Nobody benefits from giving anyone a free pass on screwing up and as you acknowledge that would create a "Feel better soon" board.
 There's nothing wrong with being polite, but sometimes its harder to be honest. Telling you what you need to hear not what you want to hear. So sounds like you've made some positive strides  in getting things in-order, the pictures are a great idea and if that doesn't work well I guess my size 10 foot up your butt might just get your attention! 
Keep working through your issues for some of us its easier then others but we all need support.
The rest of us even if we have different ways of showing support lets not draw lines in the sand  that works agianst what we're each striving for, a safe friendly place for support.
C'ya Bob 

Marilyn, we are not tired of you. You posted your issues, your food diary and was upfront and honest about it, and yes like you said, you knew that you would get responses about both good and not so good. We ALL have been where you are at one point or another in our WL journey and yes some have done great and some have done not so great (just talking about myself here) I am not going to call anyone else out on this, just myself, but at least we ALL have "DONE "doesn't matter which surgery,doctor, etc. I wonder where we ALL would be if we hadn't "DONE" something. I wonder where we ALL would be if we didn't have this board. Everyone has their opinion about this board. Is it for support? Is it for WL ideas? Is it for making friends? Is it for social gatherings? Why can't it be for it all? I think it is for all and more. I just guess it is for whatever someone wants to make of it. I know that it is usually one of the 1st things that I read every morning. So anyway, I hope that you will continue to post the good and the bad if it happens. Please don't let what anyone says steer you away from here. You will make it over this hurdle, just like you have all the others.

Cheryl

Again, Melinda, I have to agree with you.  Trina, I think you are out there in left field somewhere smelling daisy's as usual.  It's great to build someone up - but, if that someone continues to do the same things over and over again expecting a different result, then I'm sorry, that's just plain stupidty.  If you are struggling with getting those last 20 or so pounds off then I suggest you remove all the carbs from the house and quit baking the sugar free desserts.  I reached my goal in 11 months and I weigh myself regularly.  I know what my "window" weight is.  If I see myself getting out of that "window" I have been equipped with the knowledge and tools to get back to the basics so I don't get so far off track that I have a major issue.

Sorry, but Trina, William Barb, and Cheryl, and anyone else that wants to to pat Marilyn on the back you're going to be mad at me (including Marilyn) when I say this but it has to be said - "Pull Up Your Big Girl Panties And Deal With It!"  If you want to put it out there for us to comment on, then be ready to be blasted when you are in the wrong.  This is a support website and sometimes support comes in the form of a "beating" instead of smiles and pats on the back and hand holding.  If you can't handle it, you might need to consider finding your support elsewhere.  This is not a social club, it's a support site for those who are attempting to use their tools to the absolute ultimate.

Marilyn--I really don't think anybody is tired of you!  It seems to me that there are just different approaches to your(OUR) problems.  I know I benefit from love and encouragement and a firm hand.  Seems like we have both of those things on this board(or blog or forum).  Over all I agree with WilliamK--one bad day?--don't let it effect another day.  I would just encourage you to keep fighting--like William said--you've come so far!  YOU CAN DO IT!

Chill folks! 

You know I personally got a lot out of Trina's post as I kind of have the same mind set.  With that said, I think we are all different in how we approach our new lifestyle.  Some know themselves and will always take a more rigid path and others well, are working on making better choices but not always quite as rigid. 

For those who are in the main time of weight loss -- yes we are going to pester you....this is your time to get it off!  And we want the very best for you.  For us, a little further out ...we'll it's where cravings come back, it's where we realize we still struggle with food addictions and where we make the battle with the 5 pounds instead the battle with the 50+ pounds.

We are all grown ups and know what we have to do that works for us.  --- I'm not your mother so I'm not going to tell you what to do....but instead I want to encourage you to keep the course.

Marilyn, you are a valued member of this group, as is everyone here. I feel certain that no one is tired of you. In fact, just the opposite is  true - we all want one another to succeed in their WL journey. Obviously, there are different ways to show support. There's the "hugs" approach. there's the "shoulder to lean on" approach. and another is the "tough love" approach.  I tend to be more of a "tough love" type. We have an 8 year old grandson and a 3 year old granddaughter that live with us. I love 'em like crazy, but when they do something they know is wrong, I'll paddle their little rear-ends or take away some of their priveliges for a while. Do I do it because I like to?  No, in fact, I wish I didn't ever have to do it. But, I do it to get their attention and hopefully correct their unacceptable behavior in an effort to teach them that there are consequences for their actions. I do it because I care about them and want them to grow into productive, successful adults with a firm understanding of rules and responsibilities.
 
You've obviously had a tremendous amount of additional physical health issues to deal with lately.  Kudos to you for being honest with yourself and sharing that honesty with us here. Honesty is the best policy, after all. And kudos to you for recognizing that you have a "grazing" issue and for taking steps to try to control it so as not to let it sabatoge your WL success.  

Mel, Trina, Bob L. and the others have all made several good points in their replies. It is often difficult to determine the tone of one's comments on a board such as this because it is only typed words, but I honestly believe everyone here has the best of intentions towards each other. Will we all agree all the time? Absolutely not. Will we all have the same ideas and opinions about a specific issue? Certainly not. But, in our own ways, will we try to offer our support, advice and insight for one another? ABSOLUTELY!  I believe we all want one another to succeed, because we all are fighting the same fight. Some may find success a little  sooner or easier than others, but the battle is still tough for us all.

So, take the "hugs" from those who hug to offer their support, and take the kick in the rear from those of us who are "tough lovers" - mix 'em together - and know that we all do care about you and are here for ya!

Now, young lady, get your rear in gear and get your act together before I come up to east Tennessee and give you a paddling and take away your television for a week!!

Ok, this is the last that I am going to post on this as obviously it has caused a lot of strife here on the board.
1) I am not upset with what Mel wrote.  She was right and gave good critical support.
2) Trina is wonderful and is also helpful.
3) Wendy, I am surprised at you. I am thrilled that you made it to goal in 11 months but saddened that you think people who don't are stupid or in need of counseling. Perhaps you should study up on ADDICTION and WLS!
4)I wasn't looking for pats on the back or poor me's.  I was looking for constructive criticism, good ideas, and comeraderie of others who were struggling along with me.  I believe in tough love support but I do NOT believe in being hateful or mean.  I believe that you can always find a way to say something nice about someone.
5) This board is whatever the people on it want it to be.  If they want it to be a social network, then it will be, if they want it to be real support then it will be.  WE make this board what we want it to be and up until recently it has been the best, most supportive state board on OH.
6) BamaBob and Bob, you are my HEROES!!!
So, there.  I am done with this topic.

Marilyn,
I don't think you read my post correctly.  I never stated that I thought you, or anyone else for that matter was stupid for not reaching their goal.  What I said was that if someone keeps doing the same things over and over again thinking they are going to get a different result then that is plain stupidity.  It could better be defined this way, "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again looking for a different result."  Sorry, it ain't going to happen.  If you continue to do the same thing over and over again, you are going to continue to get the same result.  And as for me studying up on addiction, I have.  Prior to my WLS, I had been overweight 29 of my 42 years hence the reason I opted to have the WLS to begin with.  I knew I had an addiction and I will always have an addiction with food.  It's something that never goes away.  It is something that I continue to deal with everyday, but I've been equipped with tools and a wonderful support group (outside of the board) that helps me deal with my issues with food on a daily basis.  I also have the love and support of my family, my church family and I turn to God on a daily basis (sometimes it's an hourly basis) to help me with my struggles. To further aid in my struggles, I don't bring in the junk that I know will trigger my "addiction" nor do I bake.  My family is aware of this and they are so loving and supportive that they understand.  If they have a craving for something baked or sweet, they go to our local bakery and purchase what they want (they are able to purchase single servings) and bring it home and eat it or take it to work with them.

Marilyn, it was not my intent to offend you or anyone else.  Tough love hurts, especially when an individual is not really ready to hear the "truth".  But, it's time to get a grip and come to terms with issues and figure out how to break the cycle so you can lose those last 27 pounds that you continue to post you are struggling with.  I wish you the best and will continue to have you in my prayers.