Real Live Support is Critical!
Now to my topic. I have tried to keep a diary of sorts through this year, I was looking at it a few days ago, and realized I lost more weight and was "in a better place" emotionally when I was getting some type of face to face support. Hence, the visit today...and I will continue to go. So, OH is wonderful, fabulous, and has probably saved my life this year...but it is not enough. I don't think it really is for anyone. I have talked about eating addiction before. People in AA may get online support, but they still go to meetings. They know they need face to face acccountability to stay sober. I think we do too. I also think we really need to investigate several support groups, just like surgeons. There isn't a right "fit" at every one. For me, I want a support group that has a good deal of professional involvement. Ideally it would be moderated by a nurse or nutritionist, but if not, they would be there often to teach, challenge, and assess. The reason that I say this is because the support group I went to here in my little town was more a hindrance than a help. She was a lady who had had the surgery. She couldn't answer any questions. She could only read from her pre- pared sheet from the doctor's office. Also, when the postops started talking among themselves, they mostly talked about how to "cheat" the diet. Congratulating themselves on being able to. Not something a new postop or a preop needs to hear.
Once again, I may have opened a sticky wicket (what is that anyway?), but I want pre ops to give this some thought and preparation. I also want postops to know that they need real, live support. Lunch bunch and dinner club are fun-I LOVE going to them...but that is mostly what they are-camaraderie. Do them, but find a great support group as well. It is one of the big keys to success.
Marilyn
Smoky Mountain Obesity and WLS Support Group
1/17 6:30 LeConte Medical Center
One "sticky wicket supporter" right here!
I agree with you Marilyn. It is nice to talk "face to face" with someone who understands where you are coming from! There is nothing wrong with on-line support, but it is only one way. I feel the message board here and other places I visit online is nothing more than an addition to in-person support.
On-line support should be used by any and all. My feelings (mine only), is that it should be used a supplement to other forms of support!
Great post! Next time tell Betsy I said Hi!
on 1/16/09 12:58 am
I'm so sorry you're having such a challenging time finding a good support group out east. There's not much more discouraging than a bad group. Some of us from the office went to a Weigh****cher's group together that was just obnoxious. There were a few old gals in it that domineered the conversation, mostly with either very obvious tips or non weight loss related topics. Yeah, we lasted one cycle there before dropping out.
Having real live support is HUGE and that's why I'm such a pox on the behind of the people at our clinic. They have been super encouraging and cheering me on (now a mere 2.5 pounds from insurance submission time!). I require accountability and that works best for me with face to face contact.
I love OH, but it's just one of many areas of support. Part of the whole package between my surgeon, the clinic staff, the support group meetings each month, friends and family, etc.
In the meantime, we need someone to invent a real teleporter, like from Star Trek so we can get you to middle TN more often!
Hugs!!!
Denise
This Wednesday night, I went for the first time since my surgery, and while I sat and listened, again, I participated, and felt like I had something to contribute as well as to learn!
I love this forum, and I look forward to the day I can meet you face to face at a dinner club or lunch bunch or some other activity, you all have been so very helpful. But there is accountability when you see folks every month. There is also responsiblity to those who are just starting the journey, (like we all were once) and I also believe I have so much more to learn. It seems on a daily basis I come up with a list of questions of things I don't know about WLS.
I couldn't have made it this far without the Cookeville support group, nor this forum. Nor could I have made it without my friends, family and coworkers. I am so very thankful for my support team.
I think your post was a great one!! Thank you!
Amy
I am so glad you joined us!!! It was great to see you again!!!
The first Monday night of each month there is a support group meeting at Parkwest Hospital in the Grubb Room in the cafeteria (not the best place for a WLS support gp) at 6pm. Jennifer moderates it and does a great job but there also is the an RN from the hospital there too. She is the bariatric coordinator for the surgery patients at Parkwest.
We introduce ourselves at this support group then there is an educational componet as part of the support gp. It is different that the support gp in Fountain City but it is GREAT too!!
I can't wait to see you again next month!
Betsy
Oh yeah...Hey Scott! I hope you are not working too much!
BetsyRNY 10.09.07
It is great that you have found a wonderful support group. Yes, real live support is critical and is a challenge for many of us to find a group that we can identify with. The problem there is that most of us have little or none to choose from due to our geographical location or group availability.
I guess my feelings for the OH TN forum on line support group differs from your feelings. I never felt or feel like I have settled for them or their support. Just the opposite for me. I feel that surely I would have perished if it had not been for them. I lurked and never posted for over a year. I just read about their struggles and their victories and was so impressed with their courage to be able to post on a public forum so much raw emotion and struggle. They helped me so much and they never ever even knew it.
Yes, in a perfect world we would all love to be able to attend a support group that is lead by professionals that included nurses, nutritionist, psychologist, surgeons, personal trainers and so on but the reality to this is these people do not do these things for free. They want to be compensated for their time, efforts and recoup the college tuition they paid to become the professional in the first place. So unless you are part of a support group that charges you admission so that these fees can be paid you might be pretty hard pressed to find a group conducted solely by professionals.
I suppose we all could share our scary stories of support groups that weren’t or aren’t what we think they should be. I even have a couple of em myself. I attended one at a local area hospital. The moderator was a bariatric staff member that had had WLS a few years prior. She had regained over half of her lost weight back and proceeded to tell the group what they should and should not be doing. So in your words “Not something a new post-op or pre-op needs to hear." None of us in the room was blind. With that being said we can always go into any WLS support group and if we are looking for imperfection we are surely going to find it. Seek and ye shall find.
Now once I did have a positive experience with a new WLS support group I wanted to try. I was really feeling beat up and overwhelmed by all of the WLS life. When I entered the building and found a place to sit I remember thinking to myself that I was so ready to hear something I could use in my WLS life that was gonna make it all better or give me some strength to get through that day. The moderator began to speak, welcoming us and telling us her WLS story. My ears were peeled and hanging on to her every word. Then all of a sudden only about 3 minutes into the meeting the room was quiet. The moderator had quit talking. After a few seconds of complete silence she began to openly sob and cry. She began to apologize to the room and proceeded to tell us that Hospice had sent her husband home and he was not expected to make it through the next few days. She kept apologizing and crying and then I saw the most wonderful thing. The people in the room that had came there for WLS support began to comfort and console the hurting woman. They gave her words of encouragement and shared with her their own personal stories of dealing with the death of a loved one. Before I knew it the hour was over. As I drove home from that WLS support group I left there with not hearing one word about WLS or lifestyle or anything related to WLS and yet I felt better than I had felt in a very long time. I felt encouraged and found a renewed strength. That group had helped me. If I had entered that building with pen & paper in hand reviewing credentials and needing to know what University their degree came from then I surely would have missed out on the most wonderful thing in life. People being there for people. You see that woman left a dying husband to come to be a moderator at a WLS support group. She didn’t have to do that… Everyone would have understood if she needed to cancel the meeting. But just by her actions she had more respect from me than any professional under the sun.
So happy to hear you found a great group. Of course any group that has Betsy in it is a great group…
