A very personal confession...

DITTO

                                                   

Melinda, I believe you are incredibly strong to share this with us on the board. I also believe you are responding to those core feelings that make us all human; feelings intensified because the comments came from your father. I too heard similar comments from both my father and mother growing up. I specifically did not even tell my mother I was having gastric bypass surgery because I only wanted to be surround by positive thoughts during the time after surgery. Her comments were not limited to me, she was at our house one day and made the comment to my husband, "you look like your pregnant, how much weight have you gained?" I let her know that her comment was unacceptable to make to anyone, especially to a family member and that I had listened to a lifetime of her comments on my weight and that I was NOT going to tolerate them any longer. Was this the first time you let your father know that his comments were hurtful and not welcome? Maybe that opened a whole conversation between your mother and father after you left.

Yes, we all know people who struggle with weight regain and most of us are scared of weight regain. Maybe that's a healthy fear, one that holds us even more accountable for our actions every day. What we absolutely have to remember, for ourselves and for those who do experience a regain, is that it has to be acknowledged and dealt with, not just put away in our closet of fears, failures and shame to later be dealt with via food or other unhealthy behaviors which makes the problem worse. We have to reach out to each other for support, just as you've done, then we have to provide that support to each other.

Thank you for reaching out for support,

Mel it's not gender specific, it cuts for us guys too. We just handle it differently we're more apt to give it right back and tell them to stick it!! I hope talking it out has helped now bundle your skinny body up and go out and enjoy the day!! C'ya Bob

Melinda,
I am no where near my goal weight and I already struggle with the same feelings! I am so proud to call you my friend! Thank you for sharing and now we both know we are not alone in these feelings......I am grateful for your wisdom and friendship.
YOU LOOK WONDERFUL!!!! I am inspired.......now go strut your stuff with your new blonde bombshell hair!

Mel, I can totally understand where you are coming from but for me it was my grandfather. When I was a teenager he used to make me weight in front of everyone. I was not even heavy at that time but I did weight more than him since he only weighed like 100 lbs. soaking wet.

That stayed with me though my whole life and I never even told my husband of 22 years how much I weighed till I had surgery. I would never weigh, I did not even keep a scale in my house because of that.

I can remember the shame and humiliation of that so I do know how you feel. The don't realize how much they hurt us with their words and actions. Just know that you are in charge of your life now and you know you are healthy so steer the conversation away from you to something about them.

Men just seem to say things without thinking sometimes not really knowing how it sounds or how much it hurts.

I think you look fantastic and yes, hopefully I will get to come to the December lunch bunch and meet all you guys!!

Once again you have been vulnerable and open to us and we are better for it.  I pray that you continue to grow and heal.  I guess we all have stories like that to share; maybe that has contributed to the vicious weight gain cycle we have all experienced. Thank you for oopening up so the rest of us can follow.