This Life Is Not For the Faint of Heart

DO YOU SMELL SOMETHING BURNING?  It's just Melinda's brain at work!  I have had a lot going through my mind as tomorrow is my 2 year surgiversary.  Last year I got all teary eyed and felt like I would burst at the seams because I had so much inside that I felt...  but since January, I've spent lots of time blogging about my journey, emptying out all my thoughts and memories.  So tomorrow will be just like any other day in my life - as I always share and reflect on this journey.

A few thoughts however.  Remember the "good old days" which really weren't all that good?  We spent our time looking for a new diet fad, wasted our money on all the materials/products we needed to lose weight fast.  Then we messed up, got disgusted with ourselves, with the diet that didn't work, and turned back to our good old drug, oops, I mean food of choice.  Mine was hot fudge cakes.  Oh how the chocolate sauce soothed my anger, hurt, discontent.  It slithered down my throat and coated all my pain.  So what if I didn't lose 100 lbs fast.  I would just wait on the next diet train to jump on.  Surely it would be a success!

I have learned that Post-Op life is not for the faint of heart.  It takes perseverance.  You can't give up.  When the going gets tough, and bad habits seem to start sneaking back up, you can't throw in the towel and call it quits.  That's when it takes stick-to-it-iveness!  Remember the old song "One Day at a Time" by Christy Lane?  It reminds us that we must live life each day...  so yesterday we messed up.  That doesn't mean that I'm doomed a failure forever.  It means today I get up, dust myself off, recommit to do better, and then go on putting one foot in front of the other.

Now friends, I am making a recommitment today of myself.  And I am asking if you would like to join me.  This wls life is not for the weak.  Its not for the faint of heart.  It's for those who can get back up after falling down, not afraid to admit shortcomings (I won't use the word failure) and walking out of our current situation/cir****tances towards a better life.  Victory comes one step at a time...  walking out of a cesspool takes place by putting one foot in front of the other.  So today, will you join me in recommitting your life to the wls rules that we all know?

With all the bad financial news lately I have been rethinking my surgery.  What if the worst happens and I can't get my bariatric supplements? How would I survive?  Would I be crazy to put my self in that sort of situation.  Maybe I should wait until things settle down.  But then I remember that if I don't have the surgery, then I will continue to need my blood pressure pills and couldn't get those either if worse comes to worse.  Then I remember that my world view is based on a God that promises to care for me no matter the cir****tances.
 
So count me in Melinda!  I may not have had the surgery yet, but I am not turning or looking back!

Erika, Its funny you should mention that.  I am a worrier.  Not a warrior.  But a worry wart I guess I might say.... LOL.  (or is it worry-er?) oh who knows.

I think of it like this.  If I can't get food, I have lots of protein powders for my nutrition needs!  I have tons of it.  I start thinking, Maybe I need to get a bunch of cases of water, stock up just in case something were to ever happen.  I could live off protein powder!

That's the key--Protein powders and water!  Ok, I feel better now--surgery here I come!

Melinda:

You missed your calling!  You should have been a preacher!!!!  I'll join in your ministry and even lead the hymns!  As I sip my delicious AchievOne and prepare for my walk I say...follow the rules and have a brighter tomorrow, peeps!

In protein we trust!
Freddie

Why Freddie, I am starting to prepare for my next sermon.  It's about Moses.  Remember when Aaron and the other guy held up Moses' arms, and as long as they held his arms up the Israelites won the battle? But when he got tired, and dropped his arms, he started to lose the battle? So the point is, we all need to surround ourselves, people on both sides, to help us when we get tired and weary.  So that's it in a nutshell. Now do I pass the offering plate?  No sugar products in the plate please.  Just protein. Or gift cards.  Or cash. LOL

Mel, you've been such an inspiration to me since day 1:0)
Before wls I read and read and read all I could and I really thought I was prepaired for what was to come.  The first week and 1/2 I lost 16 pounds and thought "this is gonna be easy"  (I think a little part of me thought that all a long)  But then the dreaded stall hit in the 2nd week and has lasted.  I was on the treadmill today and finally it hit me that this is not going to be easy at all.  I am going to have fight for every pound.
So even though I'm only 3 weeks out, I will join you!!!  My eyes opened for the time and saw what I'm really facing.  But the great thing is that I'm ready to face it.

Today was my 2 yr follow up appt. My low was 116. I've gained since then, but it was needed. I was too thin, so says everyone. But, there was/is a part of me deep inside that sometimes thinks "I'm a failure. I've gained weight." I can't seem to shake that feeling though I try. I watch my weight, and scale back as it rises, then ease up a bit in my "anal tendencies"... so the weight fluctuates 7 lbs. Back, forth. Etc.

I guess with all the reflections today, and with my appt with the surgeon, I had more on my mind than I thought. I poured out my true feelings to him as I admitted, "I feel like a failure cause I gained from my lowest." He answered, "You were too thin." Then, I found myself admitting, "I don't want to be around other wls friends. I used to be thinnest, now I'm not." He said, "Get rid of that thinking; you're on the low end of a normal bmi." My next admission: "I'm scared I will gain all my weight back." To which he replied, "that's normal." He asked to make sure I weighed myself regularly, scaled back if I saw the scale creeping up, and reminded me that I will be OK.

As I left, I asked, "Can I have a 2 yr hug?" Of course, he hugged me and then told the receptionist, "Please tell this girl she is skinny!" I left, got into my car, and had myself a good cry. I was afraid that he would tell me what I believed deep in my heart: "Girl you have gained weight and you are headed toward disaster." But, instead he sang the same song as others... encouraging me on the journey.

I was reminded today... I'm just a former fat person on the outside, but on the inside, I'm still a recovering obese individual....