Scared of Failing

 was just wondering if anyone was scared of failing after WLS I have been on every diet out there and have always lost around 30 lbs and then I would gain back that then some and that has been one thing holding me back for all these years I am scared I will go to this extream and still be a failure is this normal??

Most, if not all, of us on this board tried and succeeded in losing weight in the past.  It would probably be staggering to see the total number of pounds that we have all lost.  And, probably equally staggering to see the number of pounds gained back, plus more!  We don't really have good track records in keeping weight off, do we? Or so that is what it appears. 

Surely it is a very normal fear that you would go through such a radical procedure, and "what if"...  See if either of these are familiar:  

*What if I lose all the weight, only to gain it all back?

*What if I get my stomach cut into the size of my thumb, and I'm always hungry?

Those fears are really normal!  But luckily you have a grace period, time to change your eating patterns and lifestyle, and when you see the weight drop off, and become part of a support group, these things will further enforce the good habits that you will learn and put into place after surgery.  But you will have several tools working on your behalf...

Yes I have wondered both of those and many more so at least I now know they are normal fears I have even had people tell me they know people who have had the lap band and didn't lose anything but of course they said there dr's told them they could eat anything they wanted so wonder why huh lol I am so happy I found this group and that you all are from right here in TN now if I can find someone who has went to vanderbilt and there opinions.

There are several here from Vanderbilt, who have done excellent.  There is Trina, BamaBob, BobL, Misty, Paula, Diane, and I dont remember who all else...  Barb?  They have been highly successfull but I think they had the rny.  Good luck to you on your journey!

Sindee,
Welcome.  Glad you are asking questions!  I was and still am terrified of failing. I had been on some diet or another for 20 years, and always blew it!  I finally got to the point where I decided that I was "happy" with my weight and would no longer diet.  Then, time caught up with me and the health problems started.  When it looked like I might end up in a wheelchair in the next year or two, and my husband started building our new master bedroom addition handicap accessible...I knew I had to do something.  Fear of failing is one of the reasons that I chose RNY over lapband or duodenal switch.  I knew that if it were possible for me to eat sweets or fats, I would figure out a way to do it.  With the RNY, that just isn't an option for at least a year, and for some people, it never is.  Also, you have to decide in your mind what failing is.  Before I had surgery, I said I would be happy if I got down to below 200 pounds, now that I am there, I want to get down to 144.  I don't know if I will make it that far or not, but I am continuing to work at it everyday.  That is something else, this is not magic...it is work....every single day.  But, I would do it all over again and wish I had done it 20 years ago!
Marilyn

sinndee, you have asked the Ten Million Dollar question!  I think this is the one questions that we hear most of all.  Yes, I have the fear of failing!  This week has been an emotional and extremely stressful week for me, and I have paid the price through eating the wrong things!

Now that I know that, I am back on track at attempting to be successful!

Here's my 2 cents...BREATHE!!  It will all work out!

Scott

Sindee,

 I am Vanderbilt patient and as you see I am over two years post op and have lost over 200 lbs.  What you are fearing is very normal and to be honest even being two years post op I still fear of gaining and returning to where I used to be. I think maybe because it is what we are accustomed to. Losing weight then gaining it back and then some. I know not everyone will agree but I think you have to find your own way of being a success. For me this means weighing myself once a week to keep on track  and if I see I have gained I do xtra exercise or cut back on what I eat. The surgery will give you the tool you need and you will get used to eating healthier and starting a exercise routine is very beneficial.
 I have made the personal decision to make this work for me because as you said it is extreme and I can not see going through surgery and losing the weight I have only to gain it back. You have to have that mind set that you can do it and also that you will do what it takes to succeed. There are hard times yes but that is what support is for. If not for my friends here on Tn board I would not have been as successful. It is very important to surround yourself with people who support you for it is they that will help you when things get hard or when you have questions. I wish you all the best !!!!

Thank you all so much and I am so thankful to hear from each one of you it truely gives me hope that if and when I get approved I will have the TN board to help me get through the tough times that are surely to come because my family have mixed emotions but most of them are small and "just don't understand why dieting works for so many people but not me"  see you have to understand I was a pagent queen/model before I got pregnant with my son I weighed like 118 lbs so I have heard oh you have such a preety face if you could just lose some weight or the whispers of how I have let myself go and my husband bless his heart loves me regardless but last night he asked me if I thought it was going to be too much trouble to go through all this (vitamins, protien, watching what you eat, finding the right foods and vitamins in such a small town etc.) I wonder if maybe he is getting nervous about what will happen when I lose the weight but my motto is "If you can't handle me at my worse you don't deserve me at my best" LOL

Sindee

Thank you for sharing the statement "you have such a pretty face ... if you could just lose some weight..."   I too heard that for many years.  It sounds like you are a beautiful person, inside, and out.  Losing weight will not change that.  You will look different, but you will still be the same beautiful person!

People we know and love are used to seeing us a certain way.  Your family is used to seeing you thin, the beauty pageant queen...  and they want you to be happy.  Perhaps they know that you were at your happiest when you were that tiny weight, living free from the effects that you now face due to obesity...  It does stop us, it changes us, makes us tired, keeps us from the things we truly want to do...  I'm sure they do not mean nor know it hurts you to hear their comments.  

WLS will give you many things, including a new outlook on life and you'll have so much more energy to go out and LIVE!  Hope this helps.

If you didn't think that, you would not be normal! Everyone thinks they are going to fail. And the truth is, this surgery is not a cake walk (no pun intended!). It does take determination and hard work. You really have to learn to eat all over again and you have to get accustomed to a whole new lifestyle because this is a lifestyle change and not a "diet". But in the end, it will all be worth it. I can tell that you are determined to lose weight and become healthy because you are asking the right questions and that is half the battle. You will do just fine. You can't measure your success by others either. That is probably my biggest advice. You can't fail if you do your best.
I went through Vandy for my surgery too. Of course it was a couple years ago and there was different surgeons and Dieticians there at the time but if you have any questions or need anything, let me know.