I'm Home:0) But Struggling.

Hello Friends:0)  I went in Tuesday morning and got home Thursday morning.  Everything went great.  The surgery only took about an hour and 15 minutes, I was walking within hours and off the pain meds by mid day Wednesday. 
Physically I'm fine.  Mentally, not so much:0)  I did not have one second thought before going in.  I'd researched for two years and absorbed all the info I could to make an informed decision.   But the longer I go without food (other than jello and sf Popsicles) and the more I go places and see and smell the things I loved so much before wls, the more I seem to be crumbling emotionally.  I can't help but wonder if I did the right thing.  I can't help but wonder if I traded happiness for thinness.

I know I've read posts where newly post-op's felt the same way and that this is probably normally and will go a way sooner or later but right now when I'm in the middle of it that's hard to keep in my mind.

Any words of wisdom that can help me get through this would be very much appreciated.

Thanks guys:0)

Good Morning,
I remember that feeling well.  I didn't really have it for about 2 weeks because I was so sick at first.  But, I did have buyers remorse for a while.  I had those same thoughts, "Have I traded happiness for thin?".  But, sugar, I now realize that food does not make me happy, but neither does thin. (I still have 46 pounds to go, so I would not say I'm thin yet, just thinner) Happiness comes from within and we all have to find out what that is.  I have been really struggling with depression lately, but have come to realize my happiness comes from the love and support that I get from my heavenly Father, my hubby, my family and my friends.  The more I communicate the better I feel. 
    At about 6 months out, I really grieved for food.  Most people do that earlier, and that is probably where you are now.  Go ahead and grieve, it has been your friend for a long time!  Then, put on your big girl panties, and find something else to think about. My bff told immediately after surgery not to watch the Food channel, and I soon learned that food commercials were just as bad.  Turn off the volume when they come on, turn you back, whatever it takes.  It really did help me. 
   This surgery is a true life changing event, kind of like getting married, having a baby, losing a loved one, or getting a divorce.  It is stressful, and we all have to learn to deal with it each in our own way.  But, I will say this.  After about 4 weeks postop, I have never once regretted having it, and yes, I would do it all over again, even the paying out of pocket $30,000!

Marilyn

 Welcome home and to the losers bench. I think a lot of people experience what your going threw. I remember right after surgery the smell of food was so strong it made me nauseas but then I began to miss eating... funny the thing that made us so big and so misreable would be something we miss. The food is very much a security blanket that shielded us and gave comfort for whatever amount of time. You are morning losing your blanket and it is understandable. Let me assure you once you start losing weight and getting into smaller clothes you will start feeling so good about yourself you will wonder why you ever questioned your decision. The surgery is something I will not regret having. It has enabled me to do so many things. It has given me a new healthier life and that in itself is worth so much more than the few minutes of pleasure that food gave after eating. You have a new lease on life now and the tool to help you become healthier, thinner and yes a happier you. I encourage you to find something else you enjoy such as clothes when you loose a certain amount or getting a pedicure/manicure anything other than food as a reward for reaching all your goals. If you need a friend or someone to talk to we are all here for you. You can send me a pm any time. I wish you all the best !!!

I can't help but wonder if I did the right thing.  I can't help but wonder if I traded happiness for thinness.

Jennifer, NO, you did not trade happiness for thinness -  you traded being obese and unhealthy, and living with a ticking time-bomb, for a chance to have a healthy, rewarding life with more longetivity and a much better quality. You took the risks involved because you decided "enough was enough!". My advice is to stop mourning the loss of the "old you" and start to celebrate your chance at a "NEW YOU"!!  I truly believe that our mental attitude plays a big part in how successful we will or won't be. CHOOSE to be POSITIVE! CHOOSE to work your new tool to it's fullest potential. CHOOSE to be HAPPY!! It is really up to you - it is your choice - no one else's! 

I am sure others have had the same feelings, but I was not one of them. I was told that the obesity was getting the best of my health and I had probably no more than 2-3 years if I did not get it under control.  I had been in A1 physical condition prior to my 5 heart attacks, and I was sick and tired (literally) of the obesity and all it was doing to my quality of life.

Dwelling on what you perceive as a "loss" - the ability to pig out and eat anything and everything in whatever amounts whenever your emotional being wanted to - is only going to be counterproductive to you and what you want to accompli****'s very early in the game for you, but believe me, this is the time to establish good habits for the rest of your life. That goes for physical and mental habits. Start dwelling on POSITIVE THINGS - on how your kids will be happier because you are healthier, can do more things with them, and you will be around for them much longer.

Now, young lady, get your head on straight, look to the future with a positive outlook, envision how your life will be when you feel good, are healthy, slimmer, and happier - and go kick some serious azz!!! You can do it!!

Hi Jennifer, I agree with the other 2 postings.  Food was our crutch when things stressed us out, for lonliness, for emotional needs.  Now that you can't use your crutch, you are grieving.  What I went thru the first 5 months, I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, well maybe on my ex-dnl, but we all get thru the grieving.  What I did was start shopping for a size smaller in clothes, watch the clearence sales.  Remeber you won't stay in those sizes for long so don't invest in a lot of new clothes.  Goodwill is the place to shop for good smaller sizes.  Especially when it's 50% off on clothes day.  They make great for trading with others or yard sales when you out grow them.  Food that we craved or grieved for only lasts a short time, but clothes will last you longer and you'll get more use out of them. 

Juanita has a great idea, make a goal of where you want to be each month, then treat yourself to a spa, get your nails done, toes, hair or whatever to award yourself.  The lunch bunch is great even if you are still on liquids.  You will find after a couple of weeks or even a month, you really don't miss certain foods.  Watch what people buy at the store.  I found that they would load their carts with junk food and very little on fresh fruits and veggies.  They complain about the price of produce, but they'll buy all the expensive junk foods.  I've been guilty of that.  It was a year out before I could handle the smell of a tuna can being opened.  I still can't be in the same room when coffee is brewing, the smell of scrambled eggs, or anything being fried.  They make me sick to my tummy.  I can eat scrambled eggs, as long as I don't smell them cooking. 

You will get thru this.  Just rely on family, friends, and this wonderful site to help you thru the grieving phase.  Hang around supportitive people.  If friends or family try and incourage you to eat something that you aren't allowed, be upfront with them and tell them you can't have it.  My parents were against the surgery until after I had it, they became so proud of me regarding what I could eat and not allowing temptation to sway me otherwise. 

You're in our prayers for a healthier you.  I have no regrets.
Love

Jennifer-
 First I want to say congratulations! 2nd, thanks for asking these questions.  even though I'm still pre-op, I have a lot of the same concerns.  Almost anything I eat, I think about it be "my last".  So when these guys answer and encourage you, it helps me(and I bet a lot of others!)

Hey sweetie, you need a big ole hug, and yea this does happen to us all, and it cuts deep. But we know in our hearts that it was the right thing to do. There are times that we ache or hurt, that fine the pain is nothing as paul deens says wak'n up on the wrong side of the dirt. Breathe, we are all sisters and brothers, and have hurt for the same reasons, so don't hesitate to share the good, bad and ugly with us. It's alright hon, we are all it for it. Hugz & luv Barb MyNiceSpace.com

Thanks so so much to you all!!!  I really don't know what I would do with out you guys:o)  Today has been so much better.   And I only have another wee****ill blended foods:o)  I never thought I'd be so excited to eat blended food:0)

thanks again!!!

Jennifer, congrats on surgery! 

I don't think there is anything else that really needs to be added!  It seems it's already been said, except the one thing I tell all new post-ops (even pre-ops)...

BREATHE !!!
You just had major surgery, and now it's time to heal!  So, while you are healing, take a moment to sit your Losers Bench and reflect.

May your Losers Bench be a place of rest after a long day!
May it be a place of comfort while sipping on your favorite protein shake!
Most important, may it be splinter free!
Once again, congrats!